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Support thread for parents of teenagers with drug habits

(33 Posts)
Maryz Tue 02-Oct-12 14:32:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabedomesticgoddess Tue 02-Oct-12 14:47:45

I support Maryz request. I havent had as much experience of it on here but after this morning I also think something needs done.

The comments being made are not another side of a healthy debate. They are cruel and misinformed at best.

As Maryz says, people (especially parents) need a support network which is free from the attacks similar to this morning.

Witco Tue 02-Oct-12 14:48:17

MaryZ, you hit the nail on the head earlier by saying that no one would talk about the harmlessness of the odd pint on an Alcoholic thread. Some of us are living with the results of Skunk every day and know first hand how destructive it is. We need somewhere safe to discuss this openly and help each other.

LauraShigihara Tue 02-Oct-12 15:02:29

I think somewhere safe to talk would be an excellent idea. I've been dealing with my son and skunk for ten years now and it is a horribly secretive family problem. One of the major issues for not discussing it is because of the terrible ignorance that surrounds cannabis use. That goes for real life, as much as on here.

Maryz Tue 02-Oct-12 15:07:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EldritchCleavage Tue 02-Oct-12 15:09:45

I'm on the other thread, and pretty horrified. I support Maryz's request. In fact, this has application to a lot of things, including support for rape and abuse survivors. I wonder if we need a Support topic where people will be strictly and quickly deleted for goading, derailing etc. Posters are not starting these threads for some clever debate on basic premises, but for help and emotional support. Anyone who doesn't agree with their position can always start a general discussion thread in AIBU or elsewhere.

Maryz Tue 02-Oct-12 15:15:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 02-Oct-12 15:26:32


Thanks for this, and we do quite take your point about the other thread.

We'll note your request about a more permanent kind of OTBT, but the truth is that Tech's to-do list is so long at the moment that it would be a good idea to think of another way forward for now.

Perhaps (as several of you have suggested) a rolling support thread, clearly labelled as such, in 'Teenagers' (or another appropriate topic) would work?

We do work hard to keep unsupportive posts off threads that are clearly labelled as general support threads - so we could make a note to do the same with this one.

Does that sound like a possible plan for now?


Maryz Tue 02-Oct-12 15:29:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabedomesticgoddess Tue 02-Oct-12 15:34:30

If you state in the OP of the rolling support thread that if any such posts appear people should just report and not respond on the thread would that work?

Maryz Tue 02-Oct-12 15:37:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabedomesticgoddess Tue 02-Oct-12 15:43:57

Thanks Maryz. It was horrible to go through. I can only imagine what its like for parents. I will be a parent of teenagers someday so I suppose its a learning exercise aswell as providing support where I can.

flow4 Tue 02-Oct-12 16:35:05

Yes to a parents-of-drug-using-teens support thread from me too.

I'm quite good at keeping calm and not rising to provocation, but I do find myself posting the same facts and research ("look here dearie, see, cannabis can be harmful") over and over again, which is a bit tiresome.

Also, maybe a bit of a side issue, but a couple of times I have made the mistake of posting on AIBU when really I just want to rant about DS - when he's gone off to get wrecked again but I don't quite want to say so - and last time I was totally flamed because of course the drugs are a missing detail and people don't know the background. Last time I realised what I was doing and hid the thread, but not before I was upset... So it would be hugely helpful to have a support thread where I knew I come come and not have to explain again and fucking AGAIN why I was over-reacting unreasonably so upset.

Rowan, back in July, HellenicGames said that kind of permanent OTBT would be available soon. Look...

HellenicGamesMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 27-Jul-12 23:29:35
Hello. Yes, we're looking at starting up a kind of OTBT Mark 2 that doesn't get deleted automatically.

We'll let you know when it's ready (reckon a month or so).

Thanks for your suggestions.

Maryz Tue 02-Oct-12 16:38:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TantrumsAndBalloons Tue 02-Oct-12 16:42:53

With my nephew, who moved in with us 3 years ago, people used to say "well why don't you just call the police?"

Well because everyone else had given up on him. My brother disowned him, he was living on the street until we took him in. He was 15 FFS.

and I love him to bits.

Yes, I heard "why don't you just do something?"

Yes, why didn't I think of that? Because I was just sitting at home eating cake whilst he was smoking £30 of skunk a day. Why didn't I think of helping him?

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 02-Oct-12 17:46:33


Thanks for that reminder of our previous thoughts on the OTBT2 idea blush - we will try to get you an update on that.

As always, we'd try to consider all reported posts as quickly as we can. Ultimately it does all depend on whether our inbox is on fire on any particular day, though.

We also couldn't promise to delete any post that expressed an alternative point of view (so long as it wasn't breaking the Guidelines in other ways) - 'I've smoked dope and it didn't do me any harm', that kind of thing.

What we have done in the past on similar support threads is step in when posters seem to be intent on using them to promote a particular agenda, rather than having a genuine exchange of views - or when people have been aggressively unsupportive.

Maryz Tue 02-Oct-12 17:50:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EldritchCleavage Wed 03-Oct-12 10:39:24

Rowan, that's why I think the description of the section or thread is important. It gives the posts a context which would mean that people would know (or ought to recognise) that trying to argue the basic points on cannabis would be inappropriate.

LauraShigihara Wed 03-Oct-12 11:20:29

See, the trouble is, that as a parent of one these children, you are so incredibly vulnerable and it only takes one numpty to come along, telling everyone that drugs are fine, it's just like having a cup or tea, stop nagging your kids and it'll be ok and the thread is derailed, no one can talk properly and everyone just wanders off with their worries and fears.

I don't want to have to explain why having a child with a drug problem at a time when they are developing, taking exams, learning about the world, is such a bad thing. It should be already a given. I also don't want someone telling me that the situation that is bringing my lovely family to its knees, is trivial or that I am blowing it out of proportion. I already know that some people come through a drug habit unscathed - but some of them don't. And some families don't.

It would just be nice to have someone to talk to who says 'yep, been there and this is what I did' without waiting for the Cannabis Is Great brigade to wander in.

There is usually no tea and sympathy in real life for this kind of problem and it would just be useful to chat things over and listen to other people's worries without being bothered by the pro-drug nonsense.

Maryz Wed 03-Oct-12 11:31:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LauraShigihara Wed 03-Oct-12 11:45:19

I remember those early days when DS was mid teens and I realised the seriousness of what was happening and the utter confusion of where to go with it and who could I talk to. It would have been an utter relief to have found a safe space on here to discuss it all and pour all of those terrible anxieties out.

I rarely ever post on the teenager and drugs threads because of the inevitable derailing. I'm very thin-skinned about it and it would truly upset me if I was told what I was saying, my experience of drugs, was crap.

And I agree that on an alcoholic support thread, nobody is going to spout nonsense about alcohol or start any 'I have a drink twice a week and it never hurts me' bollocks.

Maryz Wed 03-Oct-12 11:48:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LauraShigihara Wed 03-Oct-12 11:50:26

And I quite understand Mary why you didn't start a thread last night without any reassurances that it wouldn't be invaded, as per bloody usual.

Maryz Wed 03-Oct-12 11:52:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LauraShigihara Wed 03-Oct-12 11:58:02

That's true, the History topic appeared really quickly. If no one can google it, even better as the pro-drugs stirrers couldn't find it and we could just refer relevant parents to it.

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