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Suggestions for holidays with stroppy teenage DD

(20 Posts)
Improvisingnow Sat 20-Aug-16 22:13:24

Having just returned from the third spoiled holiday in three years I am very close to refusing to take my DD on holiday ever again. Can anyone come up with a miracle solution for next year or shall I just accept that the days of family holidays are over?

The last three years have been Iceland (pronounced incredibly dull, she moaned so much we came home early), holiday in the UK renting a cottage with friends (she went home early on her own having fallen out with their daughter) and the most recent, a Balearic island villa rental (we stayed till the end but she was bored the whole time).

She is 15. She is not sporty and is adamant that she is not willing to do something like PGL I'm conscious that I am a single parent and not the most riveting person to be with as we are very different personalities. My very dull idea of a good time is a swim and the chance to read a new book. Her brothers are pretty self sufficient and happy just to hang out. She wants to be entertained and doing stuff the whole time and tbh I felt very pressurised this holiday.

Would it be terrible of me to send her to her dad next year and just take the boys? They are very similar in personality and he'll probably take her off to New York and buy her lots of stuff. I suspect I would never hear the last of it if i did though.

specialsubject Sun 21-Aug-16 10:09:52

Surprised you havent done this already! Pgl or dad if she cant behave. No more chances.

mummymeister Sun 21-Aug-16 12:35:24

Don't waste any more of your time or money as the holiday is clearly not relaxing for either you or your other DC. Sit her down, turn on the computer and ask her to come up with a holiday for all of you next year. PGL holidays are not about being sporty - mine did them for many years. is she into guides or scouts and could do a week long camp with them? what about being on a tall ship for a week? if she cant come up with something then send her to her dads and give yourself a well earned break. she needs to grow up a bit at 15 and realise that the world does not revolve around her and her needs.

RJnomore1 Sun 21-Aug-16 12:38:04

Bloody hell I thought mine was bad on holiday.

No way would I be taking her again op. And I wouldn't be paying pgl either- it would be dads. Ungrateful little moo!

RJnomore1 Sun 21-Aug-16 12:39:12

Although perhaps we should swap - mines loans cos I tend to erm - over arrange activities! And she would rather sit and chill

Ninasimoneinthemorning Sun 21-Aug-16 12:47:00

You were me six years ago! I think sometimes when we are single parents we put up with way more shit than we would usually do. My last holiday I took dd1 on to was to Egypt and I nearly threw her of the balcony she was acting that ungreatful. It wasn't just holidays mind, it was Xmas and other family gatherings she could really turn sour.

Don't take her again - I never did. Sometimes I feel bad about it but then single parenting heaps shit loads of unnessacary guilt on to you any way. My dd1 is currently in Ibiza (21) working the summer - she doesn't give a shit!

Ninasimoneinthemorning Sun 21-Aug-16 12:49:37

Sit her down, turn on the computer and ask her to come up with a holiday for all of you next year

^ do not do this!!

5moreminutes Sun 21-Aug-16 12:54:17

Don't take her - she probably doesn't want to go and would be happier at her dad's or grandparents, and you and her brothers would be happier too.

TBH there is no dilemma, it's a non issue.

I stopped going on family holidays by that age for similar reasons (and stayed home alone dog and cat sitting, thus saving my parents kennel fees, but that was in ye olden days...) send her to her dad's - better for everyone, where is the problem with that?

BlackCatSleeps Sun 21-Aug-16 13:07:11

A couple of single parents I know have opened for cruises....I wouldn't fancy it personally but it could work in this situation as on board entertainment would be good and she could have a fair bit of freedom.

BlackCatSleeps Sun 21-Aug-16 13:08:47

Or...just had another thought...what about having a couple of UK mini breaks - the Edinburgh fringe festival would probably be considered cool and maybe a trip to London, Liverpool or somewhere not near you!

ilovesooty Sun 21-Aug-16 13:10:11

Wouldn't sending her to her dad's and her being indulged with a trip to New York simply be rewarding her behaviour?

mummymeister Sun 21-Aug-16 16:17:56

Nina- she is 15, not a small child! I think sometimes we just do too much for our kids and that they think that things just "happen" or are a "complete accident" rather than something that has taken a lot of time effort and planning.

if she starts looking and sees how hard it is to find something for everyone then it will make her appreciate the effort that her mum has put in to sorting this out for her.

FeckinCrutches Sun 21-Aug-16 16:33:14

I don't take my stroppy teen on holiday anymore, but the last big holiday we had was a Med cruise which she loved.

5moreminutes Sun 21-Aug-16 17:34:50

ilove rewarding what behaviour? The behaviour of not being a people pleaser and pretending to have the same taste in holidays as her mum?

Rudeness and moaning isn't great, but being told to "be grateful" and pretend to be thrilled about being taken on a holiday which suits others but not you isn't great either, if you had no choice in the matter and no option to just stay at home.

The OP wants to send her to her dad instead of taking her, the DD would prefer that too - the dad and DD are "very similar in personality" - everyone wins if the two similar ones get to holiday together, nobody does if the DD is dragged off to be miserable on another holiday with mum and little brothers and spoils it for them as well as costing her mum money... taking her would just be grim faced point scoring and benefit nobody.

ImperialBlether Sun 21-Aug-16 17:40:36

Problem solved - he takes her and you have a lovely holiday without her. I'm horrified you had to come home from Iceland early! That would have been her last holiday with me.

ImperialBlether Sun 21-Aug-16 17:40:36

Problem solved - he takes her and you have a lovely holiday without her. I'm horrified you had to come home from Iceland early! That would have been her last holiday with me.

ImperialBlether Sun 21-Aug-16 17:40:53

Ooops, sorry!

RebelandaStunner Mon 22-Aug-16 23:09:31

In your case I would do different holidays with your DC if you can stretch to it.
My teen DD is similar age. Next year we have decided to do lots of short breaks- centre parcs (all of us) a festival, a fancy shopping trip possibly abroad and a spa break (just DD and me). The old holidays just don't work anymore because lying in bed on WiFi is top of the list even though she is actually quite active and sporty. It's what teens do but feels wasteful to paying parents.

Improvisingnow Tue 23-Aug-16 22:52:16

Thanks everyone. I have been reading and mulling it over. TBH I'm not convinced anyone but me actually wants to go on holiday, I think the boys are probably just better behaved about it, but they are firmly of the wifi in bed camp and the wifi at home is better than anything abroad.

I'll have a chat with them but maybe the answer next year is for me to use their holiday budgets to pay for a live in nanny for a week whilst I go off somewhere on my own. Their dad is a bit of a twat so I don't really want to have to rely on him as he'd take great pleasure in pleading pressure of work at the last minute just to mess up my arrangements.

BarbaraofSeville Fri 26-Aug-16 11:00:09

Live in nanny and sole holiday for you sounds like a great idea.

They can all stare at their screens for a week without you looking disappointed that they aren't doing something more constructive with their lives and you can swim, read, drink wine and eat nice food in the sun in peace without them smile.

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