Would you stay in a sexless relationship?

(18 Posts)
Trustisamust Thu 08-Apr-21 01:14:28

Regardless of the reason?

For example, due to illness or disability?

OP’s posts: |
EssenceAbsolue Thu 08-Apr-21 02:33:57


Sassy14 Thu 08-Apr-21 03:05:01

If the reason wasn't my partners fault then yes!

cookiecreampie Thu 08-Apr-21 06:14:55

Depends on what the reasons are. If it's because the passion or love has gone and can't be saved then no. But if it was because of illness or disability and he was unable to, I wouldn't leave my husband who I love.

Boatingforthestars Thu 08-Apr-21 07:31:01

@Trustisamust I saw the other post about your partners condition.
Its awfull and I really feel for him, It could literally happen to any of us and the thought that your partner could up and leave and take our child with them is awful.

You need to talk to your partner, there must be a way around it, even if it's that you have a respectful agreement where you go off and see someone else occasionally to get what you need there.
I understand you have needs, we all do but try and think of your partner who didnt chose this, hes lost a huge part of his life and us about to potentially lose his partner and child too.

We have a similar aged baby too you, life is hard with young children, it will get easier though and you will start getting time to focus on your relationship again.
I fear you may not being seeing the problems for exactly what they are as you are also struggling with a young baby so it all seems tough. We rarely have sex and get time alone as the baby just absorb all our time and energy.

xpc316e Thu 08-Apr-21 08:12:37

I could not stay in a relationship in which there was no physical affection. I could manage the no sex part as long as there was still love, physical contact, etc. I imagine though that disability aside, there are not many couples who still deeply love their partner despite there being no sexual contact in their relationship.

I know that if I was capable of sex and my partner still needed it, she would have carte blanche to find it outside the relationshi if she so wished.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe Thu 08-Apr-21 10:07:44



AverageGuy Thu 08-Apr-21 12:54:54

@Trustisamust - I missed your other post - sorry. It sounds like something has happened to your OH to make him unable to "perform"

This is awful for you both. I can't imagine what either of you must be going through.

Is there any intimacy in the relationship? Can he still use his hands and mouth? Not the same as piv, obviously, but...

I agree with a pp - you need to talk to him. Would you consider couples / sex counselling?

For me, my xw went completely off sex after menopause hit, and despite trying various things, her libido never came back. We discussed various options, and ended up divorcing - hopefully, it won't come to that for you.


JustAnotherOldMan Thu 08-Apr-21 15:29:07

It all depends really, as someone who’s sex drive is on the the decline already ~ and the rest of the relationship was good, then probably yes.

If I was in my 30’s then probably no, as sex seemed more important at that age.

If I was the person who was being ‘left’, because I couldn’t perform, then that would be pretty tough to take no matter what

romany4 Thu 08-Apr-21 17:13:07


My DH is disabled. Wasn't when I married him at 26
I married a man, not a penis

Parkerwhereareyou Thu 08-Apr-21 18:21:45

For me, physical intimacy and a kind of erotic psychological connection are very important. So no I couldn't live without sex. Or I would be bloody miserable if I had to.
Actually just couldn't, physically. Would die.

That doesn't mean my husband would just be a penis (...). It means he would be a person with a penis. To me.

That's just me. Many many many people I know look like they live without sex. Many aren't that bothered. Some are miserable. Some prefer it!

It's quite genetic I think. The sex drive. The sensuality. Need to touch and be touched.
I'm just wired that way.

Tal45 Thu 08-Apr-21 18:33:15

I would stay, as long as there was plenty of affection, hugs, kisses, touching and love. I don't orgasm from piv anyway and if we couldn't have sex I'd just use a vibrator while kissing DH. I'd miss it but not a deal breaker. If I wasn't with DH I'd probably be with a woman and wouldn't have piv sex then either.
If there was no affection though then I would really struggle.

PermanentTemporary Sat 10-Apr-21 01:02:34

It would depend. I'd give it a while, anyway. I know a lot of people in sexless marriages just hang on hoping that their sex drive will die. That might happen for me in menopause, who knows.

I have always separated sex from love but I do need both. I would hope that a partner who loved me would bring up some ideas themselves.

Parkerwhereareyou Sat 10-Apr-21 05:09:48

has said it:

* I would hope that a partner who loved me would bring up some ideas themselves.*

Estherpologist Sat 10-Apr-21 06:21:09

If I was the one getting left because of sex it would feel pretty shitty.
If I was the one leaving because of sex it would feel pretty shitty to stay.

I disagree that it should be your OH's job to come up with ideas. (No offence ladies) You are in this together and he's got his own distress. Have you talked to him about how you feel or how he feels about you sex life together. If it's important enough to leave, it's important enough to talk about first.

blowinahoolie Sat 10-Apr-21 22:03:50

Have to have an intense session with DH about once a month, so realistically no couldn't stay in a sexless relationship. We both need it.

We don't have much sex rest of the time but once a month need to blow the cobwebs away. He often will initiate but sometimes I will lead him astray.

jessstan2 Sun 11-Apr-21 00:16:41

Yes I would if I loved someone.

honeybuns007 Mon 26-Apr-21 11:18:49

I am amazed at people saying 'No' so categorically. If my DH was in an accident or had some other health condition that caused him to no longer be able to have sex I would be devastated but I would not leave him. Jesus, what are people like? He is the father of my children and my life partner. I am not going to leave him because he can no longer have sex.

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