Single ladies, where to look

(9 Posts)
Anynamewilldofornow Sat 26-Sep-20 17:22:59


OP’s posts: |
Anynamewilldofornow Sat 26-Sep-20 17:23:56

This could be one for relationships but I might get better answers on this board I think.

I haven't had sex in a long time, or much good sex ever, but feel stuck.

For background, I grew up in a religious context, probably had opportunities to have sex with teenage boys but turned them down on the basis I was waiting for marriage. Then I moved away from that context, but didn't understand how to interact with men. By mid twenties I was in an abusive relationship, having sex but not fulfilling for me, with a man much older. On the back of that I was a single mother. Full custody, never ever going out or meeting anyone.

It's been about 10 years. I'm nearly 40. Still looking after a child alone. Very busy professional work life, no time for anything some weeks. But I'm finding myself thinking about sex, dreaming about sex. Unable to think straight without several orgasms in a day sometimes. And then I read this board and feel so sad that I'm missing out on a huge aspect of life.

This is partly about the logistics of getting time outside the house which is the easy bit, get a babysitter. Expensive, but I can afford it sometimes. Then how to find someone. Not just anyone, but someone good in bed, that I can trust. I think a man, though wouldn't say I'm completely straight.

I think people assume that as a woman you can find sex anywhere. Maybe you can. But good sex? Where would you start. I'm worried if I just go on online dating or whatever I'll just be bombarded by gross weirdos.

I've name changed. Am a regular MNer.

OP’s posts: |
Outnumb3red Sat 26-Sep-20 17:59:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anynamewilldofornow Sat 26-Sep-20 18:22:11

Glad I'm not the only one grin

OP’s posts: |
Flatbellyfella Sat 26-Sep-20 22:05:28

Skilled lover, good in bed, no hang ups.

Would an advert like that, draw you in ? It's not easy finding a trustworthy person as a FWB.without joining one of the many dating sites, and risking dating the many cheating married men ,especially now in this Covid 19 lockdown. People out and about , seem to be just in their own worlds, all with ear plugs listening to music, no time for friendly chat.

petingo Sun 27-Sep-20 08:57:53

Nice guy here,I live in the Shropshire/Worcestershire border.

AverageGuy Mon 28-Sep-20 08:28:44

Firstly flowers for your situation.

As a man, I'd say it is easy for a woman to find someone to have sex with, but it sounds like you (and @Outnumb3red ?) want the right sort of man - one you can trust, and that will be understanding, and willing to take things at your pace - not someone that will be "in like Flynn". (but I could be wrong!)

Trust can be very hard to gain. I had a fwb last year (we met on a on-line dating site) I was very lucky that she trusted me enough for us to dtd on the second date, and we didn't look back. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond our control (not covid related) we had to stop seeing each other earlier this year.

It really depends what kind of relationship you want. If you just want casual sex, a FB, or a fwb, then any of the dating apps can be used. Just put something like "looking for fun", or spell it out in your profile. You may have to fend off married men looking for a bit on the side, and a raft of players, so caution is advised.

Adult sites like Fabswingers and Killing Kittens have (at least) men honest enough about what they are looking for, and some even tell you they are married.... Killing Kittens is female led, so you do the approach.. Fabswingers is not, so you are likely to get unwanted attention - make use of the available filters to try and reduce the amount of male appendages you get in your in box.

or you could pm me grin

I'm on all of the above blush, looking for the elusive mutually beneficial casual fwb type arrangement I had before - an almost impossible mission for a man! smile (but we live in hope!)

If I can provide any (no assumptions, no strings attached) help or guidance, feel free to ask.


AverageGuy Mon 28-Sep-20 09:33:50

As for good sex - I think that's an individual thing. What is good for you, might not be good for someone else.

I'm afraid that's very much (pun fully intended! grin) a "suck it and see" thing. No man can guarantee to be "good" in bed - in my (very limited) experience, you either "gel" or you don't, and there is only one way to find out...

The first time might be awful.... You will both be nervous, and it might be awkward, rushed, or constricted in some way that means things don't work out. You would have to decide if it's worth pursuing. Often the second time is better.

Imho, "good" sex is something that develops with trust, open and honest communication, and knowledge of each other, but you might be lucky enough to have that all on the first date!

MisterT373 Tue 29-Sep-20 14:34:07

Good sex is like a dance. First time you're not going to be great together, but you'll be enthusiastic and excited. After a while you'll learn about each other and get more in synchronisation and find what works for you both on a level as a couple and individually.

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