My DP and I have been together for 6 years. Not married, no kids. No desire for either & both early 30s.
TL; DR - I'm bored in the relationship and sex is now suffering. Partner makes no effort. Has anyone successfully moved past this? Has sex been good again?
I'm led to believe I was the more confident and experienced one when we met. He was a bit shy at first but quickly came out his shell and we really had a great sex life. We had sex most days of the week, a lot of variety and really open with trying new things and our feelings about sex.
Unsure if relevant but a bone of contention for me has always been that he said he hated that I masturbated, as he felt sex should be enough. I realise this is a self esteem issue on his part. I explained I did it on the days he wasn't with me as we didn't live together or see each other every day for the first 6 months. He was never comfortable with it, he insisted he never did it and over time I stopped masturbating because it was causing more hassle than enjoyment for me. It has come out over the years that, infact, he does do it as I've caught him several times. I recently made it clear I still have no issues with him doing it but it can't be one rule for him and another rule for me. As such, I said I was going to do as I pleased and he could do what suited him. We haven't spoken much of this since. This has been just the past few weeks.
Around 9 months ago I became a bit fed up with our relationship. He doesn't plan anything for us to do or take me anywhere nice at the weekends. I realised anything we did was because I'd researched it, looked it up, booked or planned it. I'm not asking for expensive dinners or gifts I must add. Nice walks in parks we haven't visited before, an occasional pub lunch for example. I explained to him I felt like our relationship was one-sided and I wanted him to make an effort. Nothing changed and I spoke to him about it again. All of my socialising is done with friends and family. We're now 9 months down the line and he still hasn't changed anything about how he contributes to the relationship. He always mentions the lack of sex when we do talk.
I feel like I don't want to have sex anymore because of how lacking the rest of our relationship is. If we were out doing things, for me, it would give us more things to talk about, would keep the spark of the relationship alive and, in turn, I feel like sex would naturally happen.
I now feel even worse because I've spoken to him about how I feel on more than one occasion and he hasn't made effort to change. It feels like he's actively choosing to be like this whereas before we spoke about it he could say he didn't realise he'd let things slide so much.
I should also add that overall he is a nice person and is nice to me in a lot of other ways as he cooks and contributes to the upkeep of the house. He isn't a nasty person but it's clear he has become lazy in our relationship.
Is this worth trying for? Will the sexual spark ever come back?
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Can it be revived?
4 replies
Stuckatadeadend · 21/09/2020 14:19
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