I want to go to sex clubs.

(26 Posts)
Smashtastic Wed 15-Jul-20 21:24:33

I don't know what I'm asking really.

I wouldn't want to go on my own, I would want to go with DH. He would never be willing. He can't bear the thought of sharing me or indeed being watched.

I don't want to leave him to explore my sexuality. I love him very much, but I do wonder about the possibilities available to us if he were more open.

I suppose I just want to talk about it.

OP’s posts: |
RickDeckard Thu 16-Jul-20 01:46:38

Have you asked your husband?

Smashtastic Thu 16-Jul-20 07:12:44

I've dipped my toe in in a jokey way and he always reacts with horror and tells me he would never want to share me.

So that's a no.

OP’s posts: |
cantknowwhoiam Thu 16-Jul-20 07:48:26

He doesn't have to share you. My partner and I go together and stay as a couple and don't 'play' with anyone else. It's fun to be having sex around other people, some watching and also watching others. Some people ask to join but you just say a polite no and no one is offended. Give it a go, I'm sure you'll both love it!

Smashtastic Thu 16-Jul-20 20:43:33

See I'm not sure I'd want to pass up the opportunity. That's the problem

OP’s posts: |
cantknowwhoiam Thu 16-Jul-20 23:12:09

Well maybe go a few times, once he's relaxed into it he may find his hands wondering and get carried away in the moment smile

Wherearemymarbles Fri 17-Jul-20 17:07:51

If he is really, really not into the idea then you have 2 options. Leave or cheat.

I am not in the least bit jealous but I couldn’t think of anything less sexy than going to a sex club and being watched or sharing. My wife is even less interested in the idea than me but if she wanted to go I’d tell her I wouldn’t stop her but she’d be going as a single woman.

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AllsortsofAwkward Fri 17-Jul-20 19:22:59

Why have you got married and entered into a committed relationship? If you want an open relationship you should have disclosed this prior. You're dh has every right not to want you to shag someone else and share you so to speak.

Smashtastic Fri 17-Jul-20 20:25:21

@AllsortsofAwkward oh, thank you so much. If only we could all see 13 years into the future the way you can. 🙄
You realise that life isn't one straight road right?
Of course I'm not going to cheat on my husband. It's simply a desire. I don't plan to act on it without his full willing consent. Which he won't give. Hense saying in my op I just want to talk about it.

OP’s posts: |
Isitsixoclockalready Fri 17-Jul-20 20:48:21

@Wherearemymarbles - couldn't agree more.

Wherearemymarbles Fri 17-Jul-20 21:46:28

Thing is OP there is nothing to talk about from his point of view.

To turn it on its head if I really wanted to and seriously discussed with my wife she would simply feel she wasn't enough and I wanted to shag other women, dressed up as a swinging life style.

I imagine this is how he would feel. I am no expert but I imagine a lot of swinging relationships started with this conversation well before 16 years.
I would never change my mind on this - accept he is similar.

PumpkinP Sat 18-Jul-20 00:03:15

I would hate to share my partner and not something I would do so I can see where he is coming from.

jessstan2 Sat 18-Jul-20 00:06:43

Where do you find sex clubs? I presume they are private clubs with a vetted clientele, new people by invitation (I've seen on telly).

Op I suggest you and husband act out a fantasy at home.

mellowww Sat 18-Jul-20 04:41:42

I suggest you just imagine it. No need to actually do it.

Natalialikes Sat 18-Jul-20 06:10:10

We go to them Op. Neither of us had any expectations but thought it would be a laugh to spend NYE at one. The rest is history. People have a lot of misconceptions about them. It does matter which one you go to though. We've been to lots and not enjoyed them all.

Smashtastic Sat 18-Jul-20 10:01:27

@Natalialikes I'm curious what your negatives were, having never been to one myself. I have possibly a rose tinted fantasy of what it would be like.

OP’s posts: |
Natalialikes Sat 18-Jul-20 18:24:29

Some were pretentious, some had too many single males or didn't control them well enough, some just didn't have people around our age. It all depends on what you are looking for and what particular night you go on. Many clubs run event nights that cater for say a specific age range. We've never had a bad night as such and now we know when and where to go, we always have a brilliant time. We he also made some very good friends. I'm happy to talk about it so just ask

PinotPony Sat 18-Jul-20 18:57:06

I regularly attend Killing Kittens sex parties in London (we'll pre-lockdown anyway). You just need to be a member and have been party verified I.e. provided ID.

I posted all about it on another thread recently but not sure how to link it...

I'd never advocate trying to coerce someone into doing something they weren't comfortable with and your DH clearly doesn't like the idea. That said, he may have a very different idea about what's involved compared to the reality. Might be worth suggesting to him that you find out more about it together.

Crumpets4butter Sun 19-Jul-20 09:04:20

I do as well OP. Totally. Been with my partner 8 years and he's vanilla whereas I have always been a bit wilder. Don't know what to do really but it's a huge fantasy of mine.

Smashtastic Sun 19-Jul-20 21:29:09

@Crumpets4butter it's does feel like something exciting doesn't it?

I wonder if someone can give us the nitty gritty reality of the situation and pour a bit of cold water on it?

My DH would never go for the idea.

OP’s posts: |
cantknowwhoiam Sun 19-Jul-20 23:14:11

What do you want to know 🤪

PinotPony Mon 20-Jul-20 12:38:39

Ask away!

Spritesobright Tue 21-Jul-20 23:45:42

I fantasize about this sometimes but DP would also be horrified.
I think I'm aware that the reality is probably very different from my fantasy.

nex18 Wed 22-Jul-20 21:17:33

Can I jump on the offer of asking questions? @cantknowwhoiam mentions staying with their partner, not playing with anyone else. My partner and I discussed this and decided it probably wasn’t approved of. Is it ok to go, watch, do your own thing, be watched but not take it any further?

cantknowwhoiam Wed 22-Jul-20 23:47:06

@nex18 it's fine! We were very nervous when we started going, still are to be fair! We just stay with each other, chat to others in the hot tub or bar area, everyone is very friendly. We have played alongside others, hands have wondered but nothing more than that. But the thrill of being around other people also having sex is a big turn on. You really do t have to play with anyone else of you don't want too it's perfectly fine. As I said, a polite no is all that's needed.
Now is probably a good time to go to a club of you just want to stay together due to the social distancing rules, you shouldn't be with anyone outside of your bubble anyway 🙊

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