vagina after childbirth

(22 Posts)
Mickey23 Tue 28-Apr-20 12:37:02

So this is pretty crude and gross, but it's really getting to me and I just want some advice and experience and no judgement. I gave birth two weeks ago, and me and my partner had sex last night (yes I know a little soon, but we enjoy being close with each other) things are not sore down there anymore, I am just still bleeding. My question is... am I going to always be this loose down there now? I could barely feel him and he had to try extra hard to cum. I know I've just had a baby and this is probably really silly, but it's really getting to me and just wanted to know if there's a chance that things will ever go back to normal.

OP’s posts: |
Normalmumandwife Tue 28-Apr-20 13:17:35

Two weeks is no time. After the size of the baby passing through there you have been incredible stretched. I found it took months to gradually return to normal. To reassure you I am comfortable that I have returned to my pre birth size and I was always pretty "tight" down below. DH says it feels like it did before.

Do your pelvic floors though

FreedomBird Tue 28-Apr-20 21:07:39

Yeah it gets better. I’ve had two mega-tron babies and it does all go back. It took months but it does all settle down.
Do your pelvic floor exercises.

ThisGunsForHire Tue 28-Apr-20 23:13:34

I feel like a parrot repeating what everyone else has said but .......
It takes several months for everything to get back to normal - even if you’re now feeling fine.
Do your pelvic floor exercises religiously - you’ll be thankful one day.
And also - congratulations.

ponchek Wed 29-Apr-20 05:17:00

Yes it will change a stack over time and when the swelling has gone down and the tissue had time to kind of settle down.

It probably won't be exactly as it was. But it will be much better than now.

Coconuttts Fri 08-May-20 09:58:30

I promise you, I found sex loads better after having babies, something really changed and I felt much more “open” (sorry -that probably sounds eww). In time, your body will return everything back to normal, but somethings will feel different. Celebrate this! You’re a woman and you have done an amazing thing x

pooopypants Sat 09-May-20 17:08:10

Two weeks is nothing, not when you think about the size of a baby's head. Give it a few months and you'll be able to tell the difference

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peonypower Sun 10-May-20 18:46:17

I remember doing it 6 weeks post baby #1 and crying because I couldn't feel anything. Nerve damage i reckon.
It went back over the next few months though. I wouldn't say completely, but enough for us both to enjoy it ,

HotSince82 Mon 11-May-20 18:03:30

Look I'm going to be honest here, I think it helps if we talk more about this issue rather than denying it exists, too add I'm a nurse who worked years in gynae.
No it will never be as small as pre birth, no woman ever is, speculum sizes and moon cups are made larger for women who have given birth vaginally for a good reason.
However, it won't be much different from before, even if your DH can tell his body will adjust to the new sensation your vagina provides and he will enjoy sex and not find it difficult to cum.
Many couples find different positions provide more friction post childbirth such as rear entry but you will work out what is best for you.
Two weeks is nothing, it will be fine.
Congratulations on your baby.

WinterRose92 Tue 12-May-20 17:57:25

Just to echo what everyone else has said - 2 weeks is nothing & it’ll take a while but it will get better.
I’ve had 2 babies, my youngest is 9 months old and my partner said it feels like it used to. Maybe not EXACTLY the same but close enough!
I do remember freaking out a bit around 4-5 weeks after giving birth when we first had sex & I couldn’t feel much but it just takes time.
Like others have said though - do your pelvic floor exercises - really helps!
Congratulations on your baby x

Cinderella25 Tue 19-May-20 11:41:23

I gave birth 2 years ago and don’t think I ever shrank. I’m at least double the size and yes you can feel the difference. After 9 months of not changing I went to the doctor and she laughed at me and said everybody had lied to me and I will never be the same again, i will have to just get used to it.

She said no one will ever be 2 fingers again and she sees at least 4 vaginas a day. I also felt nothing for about 20 months I can feel a bit now but not much friction.

I must say I have cried everyday since knowing my sex life is over at 26.

WreckTangle95 Tue 19-May-20 20:00:48

I'm also In my mid 20s like @Cinderella25 and mine hasn't gone back to anything like it was before. I've had four babies and honestly mine is so bad it's almost laughable. It's got worse with each baby too. I didn't think it could get any worse after my third baby, but oh how wrong was I. Its actually refreshing to see other people admitting theirs has stayed bigger, as it seems most women say they are still very tight after birth. It's still early days for you though OP so fingers crossed you are one of the lucky ones and it goes back to normal

HotSince82 Tue 19-May-20 21:43:10

@Cinderella25 oh love, honestly I doubt you are 'double the size' you were pre birth and your doctor should never have laughed at you, how insensitive!
I do think we need to start being more honest as women about this aspect of childbirth though, because then women would be prepared for the inevitable changes and less upset when they occur.
Your sex life isn't over, it is just different. As I said upthread, different positions and kegel exercises will help a bit. Give yourself time. All women go through this to some degree, its just they are ashamed to admit it and they really shouldn't be.
You're not alone, if it really bothers you head back to see a different GP as there are surgical options available to you if issues persist.

Cinderella25 Wed 20-May-20 09:30:49

I really am. I know my own vagina. Yes the doctor was bad. I was in a lot of pain with my back and hips and she just checked for prolapse and said ‘there is absolutely nothing wrong with me so what do you want me to do about it’

You can buy weights online to try and strengthen the muscles, it’s suppose to help incontinence.

Purplepussycat Wed 20-May-20 09:50:39

I am really shocked by some done of the responses on here and the tighten surgery thread. Although I know in not exactly the same as I was pre children. I don’t feel like I have changed massively and I certainly don’t feel huge. I definitely still feel things. The biggest thing I think is that It doesn’t take me as long to get to a place where I can take bigger things if that makes sense. My husband actually says he prefers the way I feel now. I think some of the responses here are extreme and with like anything there is a range of response done people feel there completely ruined, some people think they haven’t changed at all but a lot of people acknowledge they have changed abit but not disastrously or so they don’t enjoy themselves or has an impact on them

WreckTangle95 Wed 20-May-20 10:51:33

Why are you shocked by my surgery thread @Purplepussycat? It's great that you don't think you have changed much down there but it's really upsetting for those of us who have. Its not like I can talk to anyone IRL about it.

Purplepussycat Wed 20-May-20 11:04:39

@wrecktangle I didn’t mean it In in a nasty way just wasn’t expecting some of the responses I didn’t realise how badly some people were affected by it. I get that you have no one irl to talk to about it likewise the only person I talk to is my husband so find it hard to imagine feeling so different as it’s something not discussed

WreckTangle95 Wed 20-May-20 11:09:22

Thanks purple. It is hard, I think part of the problem is when we do talk about it, other people totally undermine us and say 'oh, it can't be that bad' which makes me feel worse, because it really is that bad. Like you say there are women all ends of the scale, those who are hardly affected and those who are hugely affected.

Cinderella25 Wed 20-May-20 13:00:00

If you have multiple children some people will have little to no sensation/ friction. Other women’s muscles will be so weak the can not reach orgasm or have painful prolapse. It really depends on the person and your connective tissues.

Some people will have very poor connective tissues, that’s why they get prolapses, especially if you have a family history of it. Do you ever wonder why some people age better than others, why their skin is tighter? Why some people have a flat stomach and others have a ‘pouch’. It’s your genetics.

I can tell you that I didn’t change much at all after giving birth, so I must have extremely bad connective tissues. The best thing you can do is ask family members and not compare yourself to others.

People need to open their mind to other people’s struggles and see things from a different perspective.

How would you feel if you couldn’t leave the house without pooing yourself, because some people who have 3/4 degree tears and a damaged anal sphincter will leak faeces for the rest of their lives.

Or if your womb hung so low your cervix was hanging out and you were in constant pain with a very dragging sensation.

For all the woman who have had prolapse surgery and the scar tissue is so painful the can’t even think about intercourse for years and have to live off painkillers.

All the husbands that love their wives but feel neglected because they’re in a sexless marriage.

For some people having children isn’t just you trickle when you sneeze. Refusing to acknowledge these issues is just insensitive and cruel.

Purplepussycat Wed 20-May-20 20:54:32

@Cinderella25 while I’m not saying what you describe isn’t true, I don’t think the situations you describe are what lots of people experience after childbirth as we wouldn’t have as many people with more than one child or mother’s that enjoy sex still what you describing sound as if the dick just doesn’t stay in anymore.

TangibleTuTu Fri 29-May-20 03:43:08

I just want to mention that after doing weight training for general fitness I also found it pulled me back together, even though I had been feeling fine and never ever any complaints from DH. General fitness, such as walking will gradually tighten all your muscles and of course do your pelvic floor muscle exercises. But weight training, such as pushing machine weights upward with both legs gave me so much muscle strength everywhere in my bum and pelvis. I felt fantastic and being generally really fit has always been the best for my sex life as I feel really confident and proud of my body which translates into fun in bed.

So look after yourself, take time to get fit and healthy. If you explain the side effects to your husband he will probably be very keen to watch the baby while you workout. I have 3 teens and all were huge babies (last was almost 11 lbs!) and everything is great. I have no problems and in fact much prefer to orgasm inside as it's way more satisfying, so clearly everything is still working fine! Don't let some of these posts scare you!

Another way to practice is to try and grip your husband with your vaginal muscles when he is inside you, then you know for sure you are working the right muscles.

Healthyandhappy Sun 07-Jun-20 23:28:03

I'm always loser when bleeding fine when not bleeding. It's never the same as b4 but dont feel guilty xx

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