My partner cant cum during intercourse

(11 Posts)
Sally3388 Tue 31-Mar-20 08:40:40

So my partner cant cum during intercourse, we've been together a year and half and while it has happened about 5 times. It is ALOT of effort.
He's said that's it's been like that ever since hes started having sex and I'm the first person he has been able to actually cum inside while having intercourse.

He can cum while having a wank, so we know he can.
He's indicating it's a loss of feeling/sensation.

Hes 24.

Can any one offer advice?
Thanks.

OP’s posts: |
marchez Tue 31-Mar-20 11:05:16

Be prepared for loads of posts saying deathgrip, porn addiction or he's gay, but delayed ejaculation is just as much of a thing as premature ejaculation.

I suffer with DE at times, and have done since I started having sex, in fact the time I lost my virginity I didn't cum, it can be a mixture of getting inside my head (is she enjoying it, does she want me to do that, does she mind if I do this), or it could be that i talk myself out of it as I'm enjoying it so much that I don't want it to end, so mentally stop myself. Of course, by the time that happens it can be difficult to get back on track.

Do some reading on DE, and encourage your partner to do the same. Don't take it personally, or think that you are not turning him on etc.

PrawnSacrifice Tue 31-Mar-20 12:57:19

I'm on anti-depressants and can no longer climax - it's very frustrating.

What I will say is that I know how you feel, as my DW finds it incredibly hard to orgasm and 9 times out of 10 can't, no matter what we try, so I can see it from both sides.

Our sex life currently is an orgasm free zone on both parts. It's horrible and very unfulfilling.

Littlemix1 Tue 31-Mar-20 14:36:05

Could be performance anxiety? Does he cum if you wank him?

Sally3388 Tue 31-Mar-20 16:28:51

@Littlemix1 Could be performance anxiety? Does he cum if you wank him?

nope, he does it it himself as he likes it a certain way hmm

OP’s posts: |
Deathgrip Tue 31-Mar-20 16:29:32

My porn-addicted ex had this issue (alongside many others - not a nice relationship to be in), hence my username. Combination of too much wanking, and not as aroused by actual sex as by the extremely hardcore porn he consumed for hours daily.

Other causes can be medication, such as antidepressants or other medical issues, but yes, if he’s masturbating frequently that may well be the culprit.

Is this something that bothers him or does it only bother you? If it is down to behaviour and he isn’t interested in changing then it’s unlikely to change. If he wants is using a lot of porn and masturbating frequently, stopping that will help enormously, but obviously if he’s still masturbating to finish each time you have sex then that’s still part of the same issue.

Of course none of the above may be relevant but if you give more info I’m sure someone can advise.

Littlemix1 Tue 31-Mar-20 17:42:30

Sally3388 honestly that is weird. What bloke doesn't like getting a hand job from there partner? Ask him to show you how he likes it so you can be involved. I wouldn't be happy with that. Hope you can talk to him and try and work through it x

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j712adrian Tue 31-Mar-20 19:08:21

Bloke here, used to take me ages in the first couple of years. First time was 45 minutes. Poor lass.

PrawnSacrifice Tue 31-Mar-20 21:38:00

@Littlemix1

Not all men are the same. Hand jobs do very little for me and I think I've only ever climaxed a couple of times in my life from them with my first ever girlfriend before we ever had PIV.

Certainly my DW has never finished me off by hand.

Arnoldthecat Wed 01-Apr-20 19:04:19

Not sure what youve tried but if in the missionary or similar,,hold his balls and gently massage them,,squeeze gently. Use your index finger to massage his perineum as far as his bum hole,,keep doing this and see where it leads..

Whathewhatnow Fri 10-Apr-20 10:14:38

Been there, done that. It is a horrible feeling being on the receiving end of this. It must be worse for the person who cant come though.

I have no suggestions. But I feel your pain. It did for us in the end unfortunately. He just got no enjoyment out of sex, not really. He came inside me once, in 4 months. Very quietly. It was eerie. Couldnt wank him off or make him come in my mouth either.

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