New partner is too rough

(18 Posts)
pleasecalmdown Sun 23-Feb-20 16:34:09

I've been dating this new man who is lovely, kind and seems eager to please me.

We've kissed extensively once and I noticed he was a very very aggressive kisser , but I enjoyed it . I have to say I've never been kissed so roughly before but it felt good.

On the first and only occasion we've been properly intimate beyond just kissing , he was extremely rough with my boobs and was actually biting and pulling on my nipple which I initially tried to see if it worked for me but found it such a turn off . As soon as I asked him to stop , he did but by then I was just too turned off to continue anything . We have discussed what we like before and I've already told him once I like a man to be slow and gentle on my boobs and clit as they're very sensitive . I'm a bit annoyed he hasn't taken what I've suggested . He acts like he is very much into me and is very passionate so am wondering if he just got carried away .

Advice ?

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SwishSwishBisch Sun 23-Feb-20 17:48:38

Have you discussed what you do/don’t like since then? Have you had sex since then?
It’s possible he was just a bit lost in the moment, although personally I think men who go for aggressive mandhandling tend to have learnt it from too much (bad) porn.

Be very specific with him now. If you’ve had another convo about what turns you on and what doesn’t and it happens again, ditch him.

pleasecalmdown Sun 23-Feb-20 17:55:53

We haven't seen each other since then but probably will over the next week. Thank you , this seems like good advice and the way to go . I'm going to reiterate very carefully what does and doesn't turn me on and if he doesn't take it on board he won't be getting another chance .

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StarlightLady Mon 24-Feb-20 03:02:11

“Gentle, that hurts” should do the trick. If it doesn’t, it’s time to move on.

pleasecalmdown Tue 25-Feb-20 11:51:56

We did have a chat last night about this . I told him how I felt and he apologised and said he will promise to slow it down .

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SwishSwishBisch Tue 25-Feb-20 20:29:27

@pleasecalmdown that’s good to hear! Let’s hope he remembers - honestly do not give him a third chance. Firstly because it hurts. Secondly because he’s selfish.

pleasecalmdown Tue 25-Feb-20 20:45:51

And thirdly because I've had too much tender, gentle foreplay in the past to settle for anything less than that now!

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Kittykat93 Wed 26-Feb-20 18:33:56

Yeah he's probably been watching porn where they treat women like shit and as rough as possible. Yuk.

squishedgrapes Wed 26-Feb-20 23:55:58

I would ditch and move on. He has already shown you that he's not too bothered about what you like. And everyone's nipples are sensitive, biting and pulling hurts. All adults know this. I'm sorry op, I hope you're not too attached, but in my experience, men who do this will want to again. And him saying that he'll take it slower next time, slower leading to what exactly? Slowly building up to biting hard?
I would move on

xpc316e Thu 27-Feb-20 16:52:05

May I just flag up something? He says he will slow down - that means he still wants to get to the same place, but is merely willing to take longer to get there. He has already proved himself to be a fan of sex that is rougher than you can either enjoy, or even tolerate. I think that if he is like that now, where will he take things in the future?

Like squishedgrapes, I'd be moving on rather than giving him a chance.

pleasecalmdown Fri 28-Feb-20 12:31:32

By slow it down I meant slow as opposed to vigorous fondling . I was quite clear about it .

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Isadora2007 Sat 29-Feb-20 14:37:55

@pleasecalmdown has he improved?

pleasecalmdown Sun 01-Mar-20 09:59:58

I called everything off for other reasons . Just as well !

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SwishSwishBisch Sun 01-Mar-20 20:38:32

Sounds like good riddance @pleasecalmdown
Onwards and upwards grin

angell84 Thu 05-Mar-20 13:49:36

The last two guys I have met, hurt my boobs. Both guys were so rough with me.

I hate porn , it teaches men to be rough and to disrespect women

pleasecalmdown Fri 06-Mar-20 11:17:31

Is this a thing ? A man I saw since then was even worse than the one I started this thread about .

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pleasecalmdown Fri 06-Mar-20 11:18:07

Snap @angell84 angry

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Raspberrytruffle Fri 06-Mar-20 21:05:36

He sounds inexperienced OP, I'd either consider getting rid or if you have the patience and really feel you like him train him! Be blunt tell him, you be in control

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