Fetish relationships

(13 Posts)
Confusedmaa Fri 31-Jan-20 16:11:10

Found out my daughter is into adult baby relationships. She seems very happy but I’m worried for her. Should I forget about this or does it mean she has problems that should be addressed. She’s old enough to do what she wants but I’m concerned. I just feel so shocked and upset.

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xpc316e Fri 31-Jan-20 16:35:59

Well, instead of feeling shocked and upset (although I can perfectly well understand why you might feel like that) I think you ought to be proud of raising a daughter who wants to be open and honest with her mum about such a deeply personal thing. She risked a lot by telling you this, so just roll with the punches for a bit.

There are fetishes and fetishes. I suppose that for most people adult baby stuff is right out towards the end of the spectrum, and you would have been quite pleased if she'd merely said she enjoyed wearing leather and studs instead of learning what really turns her on. This must have been one heck of a shock for you, but please consider why she told you. She told you because I expect she is confident of you not being judgmental and of offering her your support.

None of us chooses a kink; it is somewhere deep inside of us and we do not know how/why it got there. Talk to her about this as a person who is interested in your daughter's wellbeing. Don't attempt to analyse her, or why she has this kink. Express how wonderful it is to have a daughter who can be this honest with her mother - because it really is. Celebrate her. She is gold - and so are you for having created her. Be the parent she needs you to be in this situation.

Best wishes.

Confusedmaa Fri 31-Jan-20 17:28:42

She hasn’t told me. I found out via a third party. She lives away from home so I had no idea this is how she lives when she’s away.

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Confusedmaa Fri 31-Jan-20 17:31:12

@xpc316e even though she hasn’t told me. I’m happy that she’s happy I just wish she wasn’t broadcasting the fact online. I found out by accident so it would be easy for someone we know to find out like one of her brothers or her grandparents.

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BoxyLoxy Fri 31-Jan-20 17:47:25

I would be concerned.

Its all very well for the woke poster above to be saying how marvellous it all is.. But come on.

Not only has she put hsr reputation at risk by somehow making this information available online but also, I would be concerned about what role she is playing here, who has potentially groomed her for it, and honestly what she is getting from it. I would be extremely worried about the sort of people she's mixing with.

xpc316e Fri 31-Jan-20 18:09:04

I apologise for assuming that your discovery of your daughter's fetish was based on her openness and honesty with you.

May I ask exactly how you became aware of her fetish?

Confusedmaa Fri 31-Jan-20 19:14:58

@xpc316e someone I don’t know contacted me and told me where to look. As far as I can gather she was interested in this before getting together with her boyfriend. It’s not like he put the idea in her head.

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xpc316e Fri 31-Jan-20 20:17:08

If you had to be told where to look to find the information then I am guessing that siblings and grandparents are very unlikely to discover what your daughter does in private.

I think that the key word here is privacy. Your daughter is not a bad person because of what she chooses to do for sexual gratification and if I were you I wouldn't bring up the matter. It is probably better that it is left where it belongs - in her private life. It is very much her private life even if she chooses to post information on a niche website that we can assume that only people with similar interests would frequent.

It does not seem as though she has been either groomed or coerced into a depraved lifestyle, but has arrived where she now is of her own free will. Sadly you cannot undiscover what you have found and I am sorry for your distress and upset, but as things stand it is none of your business what she and her boyfriend get up to.

Her sexual preferences may not be exactly mainstream, but she hasn't done anything to my knowledge that is shameful. If her brothers and grandparents were to discover her likes and feel ashamed, then that probably says more about their attitudes than it does about her actions.

Confusedmaa Fri 31-Jan-20 20:35:22

I’m not going to say anything as she’d be mortified but I’m concerned that due to her mental health problems she is thinks that this is the answer. I really don’t think it is. It’s the whole nappy wearing that I find hard to take. I feel heartbroken but I know I shouldn’t

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Confusedmaa Fri 31-Jan-20 20:43:48

It’s all very accessible btw eg. YouTube, Instagram etc 😥

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xpc316e Sat 01-Feb-20 08:37:43

I think that all you can do is stand by to pick up the pieces when (and if) it all falls apart; it is what parents do.

Again, best wishes.

NameChangeNemo Sat 01-Feb-20 10:25:24

What mental health issues does she have OP? Something that would impair judgement or mean she fails to understand the dynamics behind what she's doing?

I wouldn't just let her be. If it were me, I'd book an appointment with a sex therapist or mental health professional to talk through what you have discovered and the concerns it raises, and see if they can offer advice as you how you handle it. Personally, I would have to discuss this with my child. Not because of the fetish per se, but because she is not being discreet, and if she is young, or has mental health concerns which impair judgement in any way, she may not fully appreciate the potential repercussions of her lack of discretion.

I would try to understand why she's putting it online, and if sharing is fulfilling a need for her, direct her to come fetish sites instead (which I'd research first).

There is a big difference between having a private fetish, and having one that literally anyone can find out about; especially with something as contraversial as baby play. I do think speaking to someone first about your own shock etc. would help though, so that you can be as calm and clear-headed as possible when you approach your daughter.

Confusedmaa Sat 01-Feb-20 11:16:50

@NameChangeNemo she has social anxiety, borderline personality disorder. She has always been very immature in terms of the things she likes eg lots of soft toys the clothes she likes etc but I thought this was because she missed out on so much in her early teens due to her mental health issues. If I mention it to her I’m scared she will never come home again. She has a social worker/psychiatric nurse who I could talk to. Maybe if they knew this it could help with her therapy.

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