Is it normal to have to use lube each time you have sex?

(29 Posts)
Cherrygin Mon 13-Jan-20 22:45:55

As title.

We have to use lube every time nowadays blush mid 30’s, been together 7 years. Truth be told I just don’t get very turned on until we’re in the thick of things.

I think DH is seeing it as a slight against him though or is feeling pissed off. He hasn’t said anything but he always looks really disappointed when he goes to pull out the lube sad

OP’s posts: |
Whosenothavingfun Mon 13-Jan-20 23:11:38

I would say normal in my opinion, unless there has been a lot of oral/foreplay to get me in the mood beforehand.
Especially when being with somebody for a while, the things that used to immediately turn you on don’t have the same effect anymore. It’s not a case of going off them I’d see it as completely normal.

NameChangeNugget Tue 14-Jan-20 00:21:07

Everyone will be different OP.

I’ve been lucky that even after menopause, I get naturally wetter then a mermaids flannel. Like to use lube for anal though.

Could he be more attentive, giving oral?

StarlightLady Tue 14-Jan-20 06:33:28

We are all different and our cycle has as much (if not more) to do with it than our age. The 2 key questions are, are you enjoying yourself and is it comfortable?

Are you receiving lots of oral beforehand too? Saliva is nature’s lube.

Tyersal Tue 14-Jan-20 10:09:52

Normal for me also mid 30s

PrawnSacrifice Tue 14-Jan-20 12:46:33

You mention that you don;t get very turned on - that I imagine has a big part to play.

From your DH's perspective, I can empathise with how he might feel - rightly or wrongly.

Try to imagine how you'd feel if he could't get or maintain an erection. You might either questioning yourself or suggest he goes to the Doctor.

I'm not saying the two are exactly the same, but the sentiment and emotions involved are similar.

Cherrygin Tue 14-Jan-20 14:24:47

I know, I feel awful about it but at 7 years in, there’s just not that much excitement there for me anymore.

He used to do a lot of foreplay but I’ve found myself in the last year or so just laying there feeling bored and irritated with it blush I hate long, drawn out sessions (unless it’s with someone new) and kind of just want to get on with it sometimes.

The problem is me I know but I thought I can’t be the only person to struggle to get ‘lubricated’ in a long term relationship.

Half the time I just can’t be arsed with sex and do it just to please him tbh which I’m guessing plays a part too!

OP’s posts: |


SomewhereInbetween1 Tue 14-Jan-20 15:26:48

Sorry OP, but I'm not sure how normal it is to be that bored just 7 years in 🙁. Is there anything else going on? I'm sorry you're in this position! X

outherealone Tue 14-Jan-20 16:07:43

Op, when you say ‘ (unless it’s with someone new) ’ does that mean you are having sessions with someone new?

Cherrygin Tue 14-Jan-20 17:49:10

No, it just means that when I first have sex with someone new I enjoy long, drawn out sessions. But not with someone I’ve been with for years.

OP’s posts: |
CatyaPurella Tue 14-Jan-20 18:46:30

We do 90% of the time, mostly through habit actually but it does make it more comfortable for both us. I quite enjoy it being applied blush

PrawnSacrifice Tue 14-Jan-20 19:48:16

The problem is you're bored and not aroused.

Is that normal 7 years in, I think it's common, if not a great indicator of your sexual compatibility.

I was bored of our sex life from the first session and hoped it would improve over the years with experience and confidence.

It didn't.

zarek Tue 14-Jan-20 20:07:09

We use lubricant most times, although not much is needed. With more anticipation and foreplay it is not needed. I think the combination of ageing, things inevitably not being quite so fever pitch in long term relationships plus time and other pressures mean that it is necessary. Reassured to see here that it is common, I have wondered about this too.

outherealone Tue 14-Jan-20 22:21:27

@PrawnSacrifice same here with my marriage. It was good on paper. I thought I could train him. It just got worse and worse.

PrawnSacrifice Tue 14-Jan-20 22:28:12


I don't believe you can train anyone to be something they're not.

You might be able to help remove or overcome something that is preventing the real person coming out, but if what you have is already the real person, that's who they are and the won't be changing.

My wife has many fine qualities, but she simply can't do sexy. Everything is 'nice'.

Jane1978xx Tue 14-Jan-20 22:40:53

It just depends on how your body works and things like the pill can affect it

Namechangedyorkshire Wed 15-Jan-20 06:13:47

Don't need to use it but do occasionally to make it different and doing something different in bed which makes it more fun and comfortable

Morgenrot Sat 18-Jan-20 19:50:31

Since menopause I prefer to use it every time (but DP sometimes "forgets" because he prefers it without)

outherealone Sun 19-Jan-20 01:23:26

@ PrawnSacrifice yup. I learned this to my detriment. What a waste but we got some beautiful children. I actually call one of them the immaculate conception as I literally have no idea how we conceived

outherealone Sun 19-Jan-20 01:24:46

I feel a cunt saying it but since we split I’ve had some of the best sex of my life!

44PumpLane Wed 22-Jan-20 06:11:29

@Cherrygin I could literally have written each of your posts!

I'm now at the back end of mid 30's and have been this was for a couple of years with my DH.

I used to always find sex massively arousing but then I realised that was because I was never in relationships for a particularly extended period of time.

DH and I had satisfying (to me) sex for several years but then it gradually started to register less with my body. Now we use lube each time and I could happily take it or leave it (preferably leave it to be honest, I'd rather read a good book which is terrible), but I really miss those days where a touch could send me into meltdown!

Alonelonelyloner Sat 25-Jan-20 08:45:13

With my ex (of many years) we always had to use lube because I was terribly dry. It hurt me and it ripped his foreskin. I thought I had issues and then I got with my current partner and it's like a waterfall. I realised the problem wasn't my biology it was my desire.

Don't accept lame sex and don't consign yourself to believing you have a problem. Sure it could be a factor but I really do think it's probably mainly a lack of desire, which is a problem for both of you then. Talk to him. Think about what you want and need. 7 years isn't long! It really isn't. This needs to be addressed now. Good luck!

Bookworm83 Sat 22-Feb-20 18:44:53

Like PP, I always had to use it with my ex (together almost 10 years).

Never had to use it once with my now-husband (together 6 years), literally not one time.

PeakFlow Fri 28-Feb-20 20:33:15

DH and I have been together since aged 16. Never had to use lube - except now - following menopause ☹️

Justaordinarybloke Sat 29-Feb-20 07:03:44

Me & my ex was together 15yrs and often used lube. I'd spend ages on oral & foreplay but after a few orgasms sometimes she would dry up a little even when still turned on so we just added lube to fingers then rub a bit on dick before entering her so I guess it's just a natural cycle.

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