Help! I have zero sex drive!

(10 Posts)
MummySharkDoodoododoo Wed 04-Dec-19 12:47:52

Right I have 4 kids, one who is disabled and hard work. For the past few years my sex drive has been so low that even when I have done it, to keep him happy, in my head I'm just trying to get it over with as quick as possible, pretending to be satisfied so he will hurry up and finish.

He has a rather small penis which doesn't help, and makes positions difficult so it became very boring and repetitive. But he is good at foreplay so I can't really complain. He can satisfy me with his fingers or tongue and it's good.

I originally thought my marina coil was to blame for the lack of sex drive. However I've had it removed almost a year ago and if anything it's worse not better. I can't even be bothered to masturbate anymore, something I used to do a lot. Sometimes I start and then can't be bothered so stop - this is very recent.

I used to also put it down to being tired, which I am. But the kids have all now started school and I feel like i really should have the energy to have sex. I'm not working.

I am overweight and suffer from depression and definitely self loathing and lack of self care. I think this is a huge part of it but I don't know where to start. The depression is controlled with meds. I try to loose weight but often find myself gaining due to eating the wrong foods - I go round in circles and the depression causes the binge eating and then the weight makes me feel more depressed and low energy.

Anyway I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of this post but just wanted to get it off my chest. So thank you to anybody who has read this far.

I worry my partner will eventually be tempted to get it else where. He is a good man and I trust him, but he has a high sex drive and I'm aware I'm not meeting his sexual needs.

OP’s posts: |
noego Wed 04-Dec-19 12:59:16

You don't say what contraception method you're on. Perhaps an appointment with the GP to review meds for depression and if on the pill that as well.
AD's meds are reknowned for killing sex drive.

MummySharkDoodoododoo Wed 04-Dec-19 13:04:44

We are just using condoms at the moment because i wanted to stop everything hormonal BC wise.
I'm waiting for surgery to have my tubes removed.

The comdoms don't help, he says he doesn't feel enough through them and then struggles to stay hard enough. Again he is small and I've had 4 kids so not helped by that. But really there is stuff we can do without condoms but don't so I don't think that is the main issue.

Currently I'm on 100mg of sertraline for my depression. This could be causing it but I'm reluctant to change as I feel I've found the right balance for keeping my mood and emotions at the right level. Without them I get upset at everything and extremely angry and worked up about every little thing.
With the anti depressants though I don't have any of that. Although I think sometimes i do feel a bit "blank" like emotionless I guess. But I would have ended up hurting myself or somebody else without them.

OP’s posts: |
MummySharkDoodoododoo Wed 04-Dec-19 13:31:12

I'm in my early 30s but feel more like I'm entering my 60s!

OP’s posts: |
IamDisappeared Wed 04-Dec-19 13:32:50

Based on my own experience with 50mg a day the sertraline won't be helping with either the second drive or motivation to lose weight, I do find that even a small amount of outdoor exercise (as simple as a walk or some clearing the garden rather than a full on spin class to start with) does seem to help considerably with the return of my mojo. thanks it can be very frustrating.

zarek Wed 04-Dec-19 20:36:56

There are loads of things here that will impact on libido. To be honest I don't think it ever return to the glorious vigour of pre-children freedom. I think the best bet is to discuss it with your GP and see what they can suggest. Feeling you want to revive it is probably a good sign

Justaordinarybloke Wed 04-Dec-19 21:14:39

Try a date night a chance for you both to let your hair down and also something to look forward to.


MummySharkDoodoododoo Wed 04-Dec-19 21:42:36

Unfortunately leaving the kids with anybody else isn't an option due to my sons disabilities. Nobody else can cope with him.

Also, my boyfriend works nights so we don't go to bed together which doesn't help. He leaves at 10.30pm though and is home before I wake up.

Can be hard to find time when all the kids are asleep/out though when I'm not knackered or he isn't going to work.

OP’s posts: |
busybarbara Fri 06-Dec-19 15:55:31

If he would “go elsewhere” for sex, he’s not the right one anyway. And if you need to have sex to make him stay, he’s not ideal either. So the current situation is sustainable if he’s a good one.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe Mon 16-Dec-19 22:10:32

Have you tried reading some erotic fiction? It might get you going. I also agree to you discussing your low libido with your doctor, you're only in your 30s so it's not acceptable

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