Ive recently been getting quite emotionally close to a male acquaintance I've known for a couple of years. We've been having big deep and meaningful conversations, lots of startlingly intense eye contact, hugging a bit too long etc. Basically: chemistry and closeness. All good.
My sense was that we are heading toward the bedroom. I would give it a go, although I have been out of the game for quite a while... both 40s by the way.
However, during a drunk phone conversation about our respective sex lives recently he said some things that have made me wonder if he has a sexual problem.
During drunk convo he let slip that he hasn't had sex for a long time... how long, I'm not quite sure, but certainly several years and possibly more than 10. He also said that with previous partners he couldnt come inside them. We talked about wanking, honestly, all sorts, and from this it appears no issues when taking care of himself. All this sex talk was initatied by him by the way. I'm no prude but he is startlingly open by and large...
In the midst of all this rather frank (!) discussion, he said "let's not f*; it messes everything up". Not exactly a propos of nothing as clearly we had been talking about sex but it felt like a strange interjection somehow.
I am completely willing to accept the old adage that he just ain't in to me and let me tell you, I am far from irresistible :) someone saying 'let's not fuck' is fairly clear is it not?? I am just left with this niggling sense that more might be going on.
Asking anything direct seems quite intrusive despite the fact we can have really quite frank discussions, as evidenced above. OBVIOUSLY I'm not going to proposition him if he seems not to want it ....
Views please!
You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.
Sex
Is he just not that in to me?
Whathewhatnow · 22/11/2019 07:36
I've been musing on this today and had a bit of a damascene moment. A big part of me is always looking for blokes to want me enough. I tell myself I love a challenge. But inside I just want men to like me enough, which is really quite sad. Because I'm ok really and a decent partner objectively speaking. Why amniotic wondering what this guy wants or does not want or what the reasons might be?!?! Habits die hard.
Immediate ex - virgin till age 32. Hadn't even properly kissed anyone till me. Big challenge. I got my man but we turned out to be very bad for each other or more accurately he turned out to be very bad for me
One before that... very popular charismatic guy, could have had his pick. Total commitmentphobe. Cheat. Wanted him to love just me. He did not. With him for 5 years.
One before that. Mental health problems. I thought I could fix him and make him whole. What a fucking megalomaniac I was 
Lovely guy in 1995. No side, happy, I was happy. But we had Visa and immigration issues.
My dad... very unavailable emotionally. Didn't do affection. Treated Mum badly.
Right. What I need is a guy who doesnt need fixing or delicate handling or coaxing into sex. There must be men who, like me, find themselves divorced in 40s and who have their shit together. And in fact I'd rather not have sex for ever than end up with a dud.
I'm going to a party tomorrow and I will be there for me and my enjoyment rather than looking what I can offer someone else.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.