Input from the guys please!!

(29 Posts)
Namechangeforthis123456 Sun 15-Sep-19 14:15:52

I'm looking for opinions from the gentleman on here. I split from my ex husband over a year ago now but in all honestly we were over a long time before that. We have 1 DC who is still fairly young. After spending a good while just me and DC iv realised that I may not want to spend the rest of my life alone, although I'm not looking to get remarried again or even sure I'm looking for anything serious or long term. I feel like it's time to get back out there again. However, the thought of going to bed with a man slightly terrifies me, as I've not been with anyone (ex husband or other wise) since having DC. I'm the wrong side if 30 now and I'm not in bad shape but equally my body has obviously changed from how it was in years gone by. Also, in this current age of social media and airbrushing etc where we are surrounded by images of women with perfect bodies it sometimes makes me feel even more nervous! As a woman, from my perspective, I understand attraction is important in being with someone but for me a lot of that is less about how they look and more about who they are/how I feel in their company etc. But i know men are visual creatures and so my question is: when meeting someone new, how important is a womans body and how it looks??

OP’s posts: |
marchez Sun 15-Sep-19 14:26:07

when meeting someone new, how important is a womans body and how it looks??

Personally, not at all.

The sexiest thing in the bedroom is confidence, and you can be confident whether you are skinny, average or overweight.

And I know it's an old cliche, but the mind is the sexiest organ in the human body, without that then everything else doesnt matter at all.

But obviously there are people out there who are all about the looks, so I'm just speaking for myself in this.

waterSpider Sun 15-Sep-19 16:17:29

Some thoughts.
- any photos you put up should be honest, good versions of yourself obviously, but recent ones;
- agree that confidence is important. Own your appearance! (rather than constantly moaning about size of bum, stretch marks, or whatever);
- anyone put off by your appearance isn't worth it anyway;
I would still agree that looks are important in dating and attraction. But everyone knows about social media -- indeed, many men worry they don't measure up for similar reasons (losing hair, dad bod not six pack, etc).
Develop a thick skin, too, and be prepared to say NO more often that you may think is polite. Good luck.
Remember to ask friends for suggestions - - on men, on appearance, etc.

lovesmarties Sun 15-Sep-19 16:53:15

Also, in this current age of social media and airbrushing etc where we are surrounded by images of women with perfect bodies it sometimes makes me feel even more nervous!

I wish women wouldn't look at all this cr*p. My late-thirties wife has wonderful big natural boobs but has always hated them because she considers them 'saggy'. She doesn't seem to understand that this is what big boobs look like, and that I wouldn't have been attracted to her had she not been so curvy. I don't think she believes me when I tell her - absolutely honestly - how much I fancy her. I suspect many women have some very odd ideas about their bodies.

Startinover Sun 15-Sep-19 18:09:14

Thank you for the replies guys! Refreshing to hear! I think us women forget that you guys are probably as nervous sometimes as we are. Maybe we should cut ourselves some slack!! Also you are right lovessmarties if you didn't like us then you wouldnt be with us! Maybe we just need to remember that sometimes.

lovesmarties Sun 15-Sep-19 19:00:59

Also you are right lovessmarties if you didn't like us then you wouldnt be with us! Maybe we just need to remember that sometimes.

'Amen' to that, sister!

TheOneIssue Sun 15-Sep-19 19:47:17

Looks do matter, but after 40, somehow, it became much more important how I am treated, kindness, and attention to me as a person.


Mondy Sun 15-Sep-19 21:05:14

Depends on the person, some are all about the body (tossers...) whilst others are all about the connection. The right one for you will be out there and he'll accept you as you are.

rwalker Mon 16-Sep-19 06:43:08

Stop worrying everyone has a type age ,size and shape they prefer.

Sparkybloke Mon 16-Sep-19 13:44:41

As others have said...don't worry. Just be you. We like confident ladies and while I guess looks do play a part, it is the person we like. Anyone fortunate enough to get to your bedroom will be absolutely delighted I am sure...just make sure he is kind, respectful, honest etc! Good luck I and hope you find mr perfect....he is out there somewhere.

BoringUserName00 Mon 16-Sep-19 14:33:12

I think attraction works both ways but it's not just about physical attraction. It's also about personality and chemistry. To me an attractive woman is one who is interesting, intelligent, kind, caring, funny. I'll be honest and say i am not attracted to women who are obese or have bad teeth or bad hygiene. Apart from that, I am not bothered about looks. I'm not interested in the media model stereotype. In fact I like imperfection and average. Quite often it is a woman's eyes or smile that catch my eye rather than her shape.

busybarbara Mon 16-Sep-19 19:23:20

You'll soon find out if a man dislikes your look when you have the date. Once you're at the point where you're going to bed he won't care as his pecker will be doing the thinking

Anotherblokelurking Fri 20-Sep-19 08:55:11

Some men are fussy and may have a preferred “type” - slim, curvy, blonde, etc, , I have one friend who is too fussy, but if you have seen each other before the date, in real life or honest photo on a dating site, then as mentioned above it will then be down to personality, chemistry, GSOH, and confidence.

TooTrueToBeGood Fri 20-Sep-19 10:56:53

For me, looks matter for all of about the first 5 minutes of meeting someone. After that, the importance of looks steadily declines and personality takes over. I've met many beautiful-by-industry-standard women who became steadily less attractive as I got to know them. I've also met plenty of less physically attractive (by industry standards) women who became more attractive as I got to know them better. Looks might help open the door but personality keeps you in the room.

The reason I use the term "industry standard" is because there is this ridiculous idea of what a beautiful woman is meant to look like that is promoted by the media, fashion and sadly by too many women. It is bullshit. Beauty is completely subjective and we all have different preferences. There is also beauty in everyone and if you like a person their physically beautiful attributes come to the fore and their less beautiful features tend to fade to the background.

Love yourself for what you are and don't waste time worrying about potential partners who can't do likewise.

LonelyDadNeedsHelp Fri 20-Sep-19 12:24:19

Personally, I don't have a type, as long as she's fairly fit and healthy. Others have said that confidence is sexy and owning your appearance. I'd agree, but I'd expand on that, it's the knowledge that you know the power of your body, the power it can have over a man.

The changes your body has gone through is part of who you are, your body has done something incredible. That is every bit as sexy, if not more so, than a woman striving for so-called body-perfect (which doesn't exist anyway).

I hope this makes some kind of sense. Short answer is, there will be plenty of men who love your body!

Startinover Fri 20-Sep-19 18:28:47

Lots of truly awesome answers guys and gals! Thank u! Defo feeling a but better about the whole situation. I tell myself some of what has been said but it registers on a louder scale hearing it from others! 👍

SimonJT Fri 20-Sep-19 18:46:12

Most people have an ideal beautiful body type for an ideal partner, but most of our partners don’t meet the physical ideal and few people care about that.

If we were asked for an ideal partner (physically) people would often be naming typically beautiful celebrities, sports people etc. Yet the partners they love rarely look like those sort of people, but it doesn’t effect how much you love them or fancy them.

I wouldn’t say my ideal man physically had odd looking hands, an odd walk, heavily scarred arms or hands that don’t quite work properly due to AMC. But my boyfriend has all of those and he couldn’t be any fitter, I’m definitely punching.

Gentlygrowingoldermale Sat 21-Sep-19 16:40:02

OP, this question appears regularly here and I quote Emma Thompson, "Men don't care what a woman looks like naked ..." because if she's naked then he knows the Gates of Paradise are going to be open very soon. Just give him a bit of encouragement, a whispered word or two in his ear, and you'll be fine - and so will he!

1forAll74 Sun 22-Sep-19 05:43:01

I am not looking for a man, but if I was, I know that I look fairly good for my age, but sadly most men my age have gone to seed, and are usually very droopy, and not up to anything really.

But to answer the OP. don't worry at all about what you think men will think about you, or how you look. You are your own person, and hopefully you will meet a genuine and nice man soon.

Tiger785 Sat 28-Sep-19 08:29:37

Nothing is more sexy that a woman with curves and comfy with her own body. There is no such thing as the perfect body as we are all perfect in our own way. My partner is of larger size and given birth to our 3 girls and got the perfect mummy body in my eyes. Don't change for anyone, be yourself and enjoy it.

Ss770640 Mon 23-Dec-19 18:08:53

Confidence. Well groomed and ask them what they like.

That is all you need.

lavitaedura Mon 23-Dec-19 18:18:47

Confidence, kindness and positive outlook every time. Negatively biggest turn off ever

Marriedtoapenguin Thu 26-Dec-19 09:55:27

Just go for it. Confidence etc are far hotter. As previous posters have said, by the time the clothing is off, all functions have been transferred to mission control anyway.

PawnSacrifice Thu 26-Dec-19 12:22:57

On the assumption that you'll likely be dating someone in a similar age category, any considerations regarding your appearance will (or should) be age appropriate. Not that it's important.

Most men appreciate that they too have imperfections, age related deteriorations and insecurities. Many men 'the wrong side of 30' will possibly have thinning and or grey hair, maybe some excess weight in places etc and won't be expecting or even hoping for some air brushed super model. Men looking for a partner will be worried that they don't match up the guy on the cover of Men's Health magazine, or the model in the latest aftershave TV ad.

Men understand that boobs and bums sag, cellulite exists, tummies occur etc - it's fine, we love it and none of it really matters.

If someone has a kind face, is confident and nice natured, the rest will fall into place.

Butters0123 Sun 02-Feb-20 08:23:19

Yes, looks are important but it's important to remember that most men more or less know their place on the attractiveness scale and most heterosexual couples tend to be fairly evenly matched on looks (as well as age) unless some other factor like riches and/or fame are involved.

I once had a girlfriend who was incredibly beautiful, as beautiful as Grace Kelly. However, once the initial 'can't wait to get home and rip his/her knickers off stage' has passed (as it always does with any couple no matter how gorgeous) then ultimately looks become secondary to personality and she didn't have a very pleasant personality. She could be charming but god was she was selfish and bad tempered. And a slut.

I make no apologies for calling her a slut. She was cheating with her current boyfriend when she had sex with me then proceeded to cheat on me (hardly a surprise in hindsight) and as far as I can tell (one of her female friends keeps me reliably informed) has cheated on every other man she had a relationship with since and there have been several including at least one who she knew was married (you could say he got what he deserved).

My current girlfriend isn't a beauty like this other girl but honestly having lived through that nightmare a kind, loving and faithful heart holds greater attractions to me now than a model's face and figure. I couldn't be happier than I am now with her. I just hope she feels the same way about me.

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