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My fast & furious, silent, jackhammer sex life ......(38 Posts)
Just that really ... Been together 2 years, I really do love this man, but sex is really getting me down.
He will literally pound hard and fast, literally like I'm not even a person ￼ there's no stimulation, no gentle embrace, or any embrace for that matter, he'll either just pound away or if I'm on top trying to slow him down, he grabs hold my hips and literally rags me back and fourth within an inch of my life!! ... All the while in absolute silence on his part! Not a peep! I don't even know when he ejaculates! ... I've brought it up before & he got so defensive & upset I had to let it go! ... I get so sore and I'm so unsatisfied, the frustration is driving me insane!!! ... Anyone else been in this situation or similar ￼
"I had to let it go"
Wtf? Why are you putting up with this? Is he the most amazing person in every other respect or something?
He sounds like a prick.
No he's not, I suppose it's just become normal for me ... I actually dread it most days ... the more I say (or type) this out loud the more I can see this isn't really right!
Of course it’s not right. Sadly, and this is evident on here from time to time, some men think pounding is the name of the game.
Can you communicate well outside of the bedroom? It’s important to explain that his “method” is uncomfortable and making you particularly sore. Make sure you are receiving plenty of oral first too.
When this is happening request “slow down, slower, slower”, also suggest to him that you both share some oral only sessions.
He seems to take anything I say as a personal attack and then proceeds to say "I'm not good enough for you then" ... The more I think about it, the more I can see he's a very selfish lover! All about him self! ... I'm going to try and discuss it tonight when he's home from work, it's really starting to upset me now, I'm sometimes (most of the time) left feeling very used after sex.
Sounds like my sex life right now!
No foreplay (well unless you're counting the 2 mins of kissing and boob grabbing) then 2 mins of jack hammering, if that, then it's over. I never know when he has come, especially if I am on top, he is silent...
Good luck OP. Hope things get better for you.
Its been this way for 2 years but only now I realise this isn't right! He's gone out with work boys tonight and will stay at his Grandads as it's closer to where they drink than home and I feel so relieved as I can have a night off!!
Thank you & I'm sorry you're going through the same! I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, he's so loving with his words and the way he is with me, then turns into this robotic, silent almost cold jackhammer during sex!! I couldn't even say if he enjoys it slow as we've NEVER done it!!
Bloody hell there's some incredibly selfish men out there. What you describe isn't making love it's more love me an assault. So sorry for your predicament. Maybe just say no to him for a while, perhaps an unexpected outbreak of thrush might give him some pause for thought? Gentleness can be sexy too, tell him
Your going to have to be very direct and blunt say hard and fast hurts me are you ok with that.
Unfortunately it doesn't look like I'll be able to have that chat with him. He went out last night and didn't go back to where he was supposed to be staying & also didn't turn up to work ... when I spoke to him after 13 hours obviously I raised my voice as I was beside myself with worry and he's just shouted at me, finished it and blocked me on everything! ... I guess that solves the problem. He's never treated me this way before!
Chaps perspective here. Thats not right. Sex can be many thing, and varied is good, but what you describe is an ordeal not good health sex or lovemaking. I suspect this is something he has picked up from porn. you need to get him to see that change is needed. Either his, technique or you change him. Oh and tell him to watch different porn.
Oh and @SunSeaLust , don't be tempted to go back. There are better men than that in the world, no one should put up with such shitty behaviour
I'm absolutely heartbroken, thank you all for your guidance & kind words ... I think of his sexual mannerisms with me and his behaviour the past 24hours, that's clearly a display of how little he really thinks of me or values our relationship.
that's clearly a display of how little he really thinks of me or values our relationship.
No, it's a display of how he's a total arsehole, and you deserve a whole lot better
He sounds very deeply troubled and I think you've had a lucky escape.
Take some time for yourself and may be even a bit of counselling? Your 'sex life' sounds traumatising tbh. I wouldn't underestimate what being treated like that can do to you.
He sees it as a personal attack as it's far more convenient to keep his sex life the same as he has it the way he wants it. Would you see it as a personal attack if someone opened up about what sex they like? Probably not. If you cared about fulfilling them you'd listen and explore their needs as well as your own. It's very selfish I think
Understanding why he behaves this way and that this is definitely not because of you, it's all down to him will help. Focus on you now and loving yourself, treat yourself in the way you would treat a friend you care for, the right person will be considerate of you too. You deserve so much better.
The sex issue seems so far away at the moment. He's still not been home, I'm still blocked on every form of contact and for what reasons I do not know! ... I'm absolutely devastated, but the positive side is this has opened my eyes and allowed me to see that just maybe I deserve better from my partner ... Thank you again.
Hope you're ok. Yes you do deserve better. Just get through each bit as best you can. Just get through tonight. Then get through tomorrow. Whatever you decide is the right decision for you x
Do you think maybe he’s seen this thread?
No he's not seen the thread. I wrote it while he was at work and he went out straight from work Friday & not been home or in contact since
Sorry to sound insensitive, but it sounds like the garbage took itself out 👏
I hope you're OK, and will see what a toxic relationship this was x
He's FINALLY unblocked me and made contact after I went to his Grandads house (where he's been staying/hiding) this morning (he was in work) ... He's coming round tomorrow night to "talk" what an absolute cheek! After not a word since Friday, his bags will be packed and on the door step tomorrow evening Thank you again for taking the time to comment on my original post! I don't have many people around me that I can talk to so it's much appreciated x
Well done. Please stick to your guns and let him go!!