What happens with your sex toys when you die?

(25 Posts)
fridgegrazer Sat 01-Jun-19 22:37:56

Sorry to seem morbid - I don't intend it that way. Have NC for this. I am a single woman in my late 60s and have been single for nearly 20 years. No chance of getting a new partner, so I have a modest collection of sex toys to keep me company. I keep them in a drawer next to my bed and of course nobody goes in the room apart from me.

I suppose at some point I will just have to dispose of them and accept that I can't use them anymore - otherwise whoever clears my house after my death will come across them - probably my children. How awful would that be?

Has anyone had any experience of this - perhaps emptying a house after the death of a relative and coming across vibrators etc? I actually do have nightmares about it.

Hope I haven't brought everyone's mood down. sad

(Just read through my post - I sound a bit like a sex toy troll - bleurgh!)

OP’s posts: |
dogfishman Sat 01-Jun-19 23:06:31

I don't think it would be that awful. If my mum was single I'd rather she enjoyed herself than not. The kids will have other things to worry about and this is a side of you they will very likely accept.

Barkette Sat 01-Jun-19 23:09:39

When my DM passed away she had been single for some time. While clearing her house we came across some of her toys. I didn't expect it but I wasn't shocked or outraged. Just because my DM was single didn't mean she didn't have an itch to scratch so to speak. We just popped them discreetly in the to "get rid of" pile which my sister and I were going to take to the tip. Other relatives were helping us to clear up and none of them saw them. I personally don't think you should dispose of them. How close are you to your children?

Blackwaterboy66 Sun 02-Jun-19 00:10:50

My wife has sadly passed away and I've got to dispose of the suitcase full of stuff and must be he'll if you don't have a partner to deal with it like my wife has .

TooTrueToBeGood Sun 02-Jun-19 09:22:40

Please don't have nightmares about it. You're human, you have a right to happiness and anyone who would judge you for this isn't worth headspace. Why not go out with a bang and explicitly leave them to someone in your will? It will give your family and friends something to have a chuckle at after you've gone.

PenelopePink Sun 02-Jun-19 11:10:18

I don't think anyone would mind. Going through people's houses is always hard as you're sad they are are gone, and no-one is likely to be traumatised by evidence of you being a normal human. I'd rather find some sex toys than, say, the sweets that were 15 years past their expiry date we found in my Aunt's house.

StarlightLady Sun 02-Jun-19 12:46:48

That will be someone else’s problem and I am not going to worry about it. But l doubt if mine will cause any surprises.

I once accidently left a waterproof vibey on the bath side when I had visitors blush, that was a sex toy issue while I was still alive!


pickletickled Sun 02-Jun-19 13:21:36

Trying to think practically -
In your shoes I'd certainly not be getting rid probably keep them in a lockable box with a sticker on saying something like - in here lies my sex toys open or don't open.

Bouldghirl Sun 02-Jun-19 14:33:13

It is certainly something to think about. I would hope that your children are sensible enough to understand that their mother had her own needs and dealt with them accordingly. In turn it is up to them to deal with the consequences of this.

fridgegrazer Sun 02-Jun-19 15:16:38

Thanks everyone for your replies - lots to think about here.

Barkette I consider myself close to both my children but not so close that we can discuss our sex lives. I have been single for more than half their lives, so I am sure they just don't think of me in that way.

Anyway, I won't get rid of them quite yet - in fact I was actually considering buying a new one I saw on Love Honey but I haven't decided yet.

TooTrue and Starlight - grin grin grin

OP’s posts: |
Lexilooo Sun 02-Jun-19 16:02:18

Keep them in a box with a label that says "please dispose of without opening"

StarlightLady Sun 02-Jun-19 16:35:01

@fridgegrazer - also don’t write yourself off too soon. I am in touch with a former work colleague of similar age to you who met someone at an art class last year. She is now getting laid fairly regularly and enjoying it too. Of course her younger work colleagues don’t see her that way either.

In the meantime, get ordering for what you want. As l understand it, you can’t take them with you.

Barkette Sun 02-Jun-19 16:58:58

Definitely buy the new one! Life's too short not to enjoy yourself. I don't think your children would be fazed by it at all.. Like some of the others said it is more traumatising knowing you aren't there and I'm sure they'd want you to be happy smile

1forAll74 Mon 03-Jun-19 01:55:50

Why not leave a note of some kind, near all your sex toys,, saying,when found after my demise,please put all my toys in the coffin with me.! This is what I would do,as it's quite funny really.

MelonSlice Mon 03-Jun-19 13:03:40

Why not leave a note of some kind, near all your sex toys,, saying,when found after my demise,please put all my toys in the coffin with me.! This is what I would do,as it's quite funny really.

Funny until a loud buzzing noise emits from the coffin as it is being carried into the funeral, as a toy hadn't been switched off properly.


Hotpinkangel19 Mon 03-Jun-19 13:09:00

I found one that belonged to my mum when she died.... popped it in the bin and never gave it a second thought! Don't worry about it!

humblebumblebees Mon 03-Jun-19 22:57:38

I found one in my mum's bedside drawer after she died too. Thought nothing of it and it was just added to the pile of stuff to be binned.

MancaroniCheese Wed 05-Jun-19 13:16:33

Do you have a close friend that you could ask to dispose of them? A friend and I have made a pact that we will deal with such things for one another to save our children having to do it.

Or buy a lockable money box thing to put them in so they are not easily accessed with a label saying that the box contains personal, intimate things and should be disposed of without opening?

H2OH20Everywhere Wed 05-Jun-19 16:46:23

I wish there would be some to be disposed of when my mum's time comes, TBH. Unfortunately, she has so many hangups about sex that despite being widowed for over 30 years she'll never buy herself a toy. And she hasn't had a relationship in that time either. She would be horrified if she knew I have a couple of toys myself. (She knew I bought one many years ago but I suspect believes I never used it.)

Honestly, it would make me so happy to find one in her drawers after she dies knowing she had had some moments of joy but I really doubt I will.

MLMsuperfan Thu 06-Jun-19 13:27:08

Will them to relatives. Cousin Jean gets the Hitachi, sister in law gets the rampant rabbit. And so on.

MisterT373 Thu 06-Jun-19 19:22:14

Cousin Jean always gets the good stuff!

This is similar to the concept of the "porn buddy"

Single guys were meant to have a porn buddy who, if anything happened to the single guy would come round to their house and dispose of all the porn mags and videos before the parents arrived.

These days I guess they just need to wipe your hard drive.

fridgegrazer Thu 06-Jun-19 20:17:00

I remember seeing something about that MisterT - I think it was when I watched Queer as Folk years ago and someone died and his friend went to his flat (during the funeral perhaps?) to clear out his porn stash as they had had an agreement. I don't even have a friend I could ask to do this - and anyway they might die before me! grin

Can't help smirking at the thought of leaving my vibrators to people in my will. They would be mostly disgusted and partly worried in case they were haunted. grin

Thanks to everyone again for their thoughts - I don't feel as bad as I did and am thinking of putting them all in a box somewhere labelled so at least someone clearing out doesn't get as much of a shock.

Off to browse the Love Honey site now ... wink

OP’s posts: |
MisterT373 Thu 06-Jun-19 22:12:03

This has made me wonder whether womens sex toys are more "acceptable" and maybe even regarded as mainstream as opposed to mens. Those of you who have come across vibrators - I'd be mortified at the thought of someone coming across a fleshlight or similar in my magic box.

Divebar Fri 07-Jun-19 09:11:33


I think lots of people, men or women would be mortified about someone finding their sex toys. Some people are a lot more nonchalant about it. I wouldn’t be any more shocked by finding a Male sex toy than I would a female one.... they’re all on a par I think. ( I might be a bit shocked by a “gimp” mask ....sorry I sincerely hope that’s not an offensive term) grin

PenelopePunk Fri 07-Jun-19 10:31:14

I think that vibrators are more 'known' than fleshlights? I've only heard about fleshlights in the last few years so if they were found there might be a bit of "what is that .... ohhhhhh" type moment

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