Wanting to experiment with bondage?

(9 Posts)
FunTimesAhead19 Sat 04-May-19 15:40:28

I’ve name changed for this one as I usually feel talking about sex difficult.

Anyway, DH are currently trying to fix our physical relationship which has dwindled to about once every 3 months following the birth of our youngest almost 5 years ago. No solid reasons for the dwindling as such, just mismatched libido, exhaustion, co-sleeping and night waking etc etc. A frank and honest conversation got us to the point where we know we still fancy each other and want the sex and intimacy which is great and have even come up with a way of indicating sex is on our radar without having to verbalise it and as a result we’ve been having more frequent and more better sex than we have in years.

However, one area we are struggling with is trying new things. And one area we really want to try and explore is bondage but we really have no idea how to start?? And a google search just seems to come up with pretty hardcore BDSM stuff which is pretty intimidating.

Any ideas or suggestions to ease this slowly and gently into the relationship?

Thanks

OP’s posts: |
agirlhasnonameX Sun 05-May-19 12:49:03

Hi Op, I have a few thoughts for you, but really it depends on what kind of bondage interests you most.

To start though, I would always recommend padded cuffs. Wear them (or DH if he will be) without clipping them to anything and make sure they are comfortable. Then I would buy some double ended clips at first, as they are easy to take off quickly if you need them to be and perhaps at first try binding hands OR ankles, until you/he knows it's something you like. I would avoid anything metal and hemp/silk rope is great, but better to learn how to tie safely before you play with it.

Also, it sounds cliche but have a safe word that you both agree on and that if said, will stop activity immediately and release the bound from their restraint as quickly as possible. Make sure you and your partner are clear about what you are comfortable with happening and what you're not whilst one of you is restrained, before you do anything.
HTH.

Blokenamechangesexboard Mon 06-May-19 05:57:26

I agree. I would (did!) start off with a good quality pair of comfortable but sturdy wrist cuffs. I agree that they shouldn't be metal but they should have a buckle so they can be adjusted. They should also each have a ring so that they can be fastened to e.g. the bedpost. Double-ended clips are helpful too as you can fasten the cuffs to eachother.

I assume you're in or near the UK, so it won't be practical for you to buy these (nb: link to online adult shop) but they are a good example of what I mean.

Then experiment, see how you go, and perhaps add ankle cuffs, then a blindfold and then... wherever you choose to go from there.

Don't be hung up on getting "BDSM stuff" - just get the things you think you'll enjoy.

Honeybooboo123 Mon 06-May-19 10:27:46

What's your dynamic as a couple? Do either of you feel like the dominant one, or like to be dominated?

EmptyOrchestra Mon 06-May-19 11:43:06

Personally I enjoy restraints, but I agree that when you start looking everything is quite extreme!

I’m not a fan of handcuffs personally, they’re uncomfortable and you’re limited with where you can use them since you need something to attach them to!

Bondage tape is great and non-threatening - it sticks to itself not to you, so you can use it to secure wrists, ankles etc and remove it very easily if you feel uncomfortable.

Personally my favourite thing to use is under-mattress restraints - you can have them in place and tucked away ready and then just pull them out when the mood strikes, and you don’t need a headboard!

The other thing to look up are sex positioners - usually straps that go around your ankles and then behind your neck or in front. Holds your legs in the right position for some awesome sex, and yet also feels like a nice amount of restraint. Lovehoney sell them and I’m sure other places do too.

Oh, and a good blindfold you can’t see out of - also essential!

Gentlygrowingoldermale Mon 06-May-19 17:08:51

We started by using crepe bandage, with scissors close by just in case a knot couldn’t be undone, but that was because we had no idea what, if anything, was available.

If spread-eagled is a bit tough on your muscles, there are handles on mattresses.

Spread eagled across the bed on your back, with head over the edge, so it drops slightly, increases tension in the body and thus the excitement when touched.

We explored, (BDSM) before the internet and mobile phones, yes we’re that old! Therefore we didn’t use safe words but we had absolute trust in each other. We took it turns to be the dominant person though both of us were happier being submissive.

Good luck.

agirlhasnonameX Thu 09-May-19 10:54:11

@Gentlygrowingoldermale * Therefore we didn’t use safe words but we had absolute trust in each other.*
But I'm sure you would agree that with all the knowledge we have these days, OP and her DH should discuss such and definitely have one if exploring bondage, no matter how much they trust one another.

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Gentlygrowingoldermale Thu 09-May-19 16:06:15

Certainly would.

Agree with Bloke it's your fantasies, go with them, put BDSM aside - for now. And if a particular fantasy doesn't work for you, then leave it with no regrets

Suggest for first couple of sessions, talk before, after and during.

I wish you enjoyment.

FunTimesAhead19 Mon 27-May-19 19:36:43

I totally forgot I wrote this thread but thank you for all the suggestions. Didn’t even know under bed restraints were a thing but am intrigued by them. And as for the safe word thanks for suggesting that too smile

OP’s posts: |

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