Partners Christian mum!

(19 Posts)
Itsjustme55 Thu 25-Apr-19 20:41:20

So me and my partner went away a few days ago and had sex (with a condom) and put the empty wrapper back in my bag. I done my make up at his and accidentally left the bag open, and at the bottom in amongst my makeup was half of the wrapper showing! You would have physically have to have looked down into the bag to see it. She put clothes into his room earlier so there is a potential she would have seen it. My partner had ago at me for forgetting to close the bag. I am 22 and he is 24 .. (we’ve been together 4 years and are saving up for a mortgage whilst I’m at uni) but his parents are Christian.

So basically he is making me feel really bad and having ago at me saying that I do not understand his family. My argument is that ok firstly I’m sorry it was an accident, but we do not have sex in his house and he is enough to make his own decisions! They also know he is not Christian (also not atheist).

What do I say to him to stop him moaning at me?!?! Also what is other people’s views on this??

Thank you in advance!!

OP’s posts: |
Itsjustme55 Thu 25-Apr-19 20:43:40

Also to add, he says she is the type of person to look around and snoop through his things.. views please??

OP’s posts: |
Tinkerbellx Thu 25-Apr-19 23:29:35

Your both consenting adults so don't feel bad . You need a conversation with him though about the need for some support not criticism from him .

I'd be inclined to leave far worse next time .... maybe a very large vibrator / some cuffs and a leather thong for her to accidentally find . Nosey woman !

Itsjustme55 Fri 26-Apr-19 00:19:06

Tinkerbellx best reply ever!😂 sounds like an amazing plan😂 I do agree with the first bit though... this is my argument to him! It’s not like he has just turned of legal age he is 24!! He has even put the fear into my of saying “O my god” in front of them.. I always have to be extra careful of what I say!! I like his parents but I always feel on edge around them! And yes, very nosey 😂

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DoNotWorry Fri 26-Apr-19 08:40:47

Self evidently not all Christians are against sex before marriage an even those that are would not interfere with the choices made by their twenty-something children.

Itsjustme55 Fri 26-Apr-19 10:59:15

They definitely are against sex before marriage.😂😭. I sleep at his house most nights and I have my own bedroom as we are not allowed to share one.. I don’t think anything would be said (by his mum anyway) but he is more concerned about disappointing them I think...

OP’s posts: |
StarryUnicorn Fri 26-Apr-19 12:31:54

And yes, very nosey

Get a rabbit that only just fits in your handbag. Once you are sure she has been nosing about and seen it, start an innocent conversation about buying a new handbag, because y'know you just can't get all the things you need in in yours. Watch her squirmgrin

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Itsjustme55 Fri 26-Apr-19 13:09:27

StarryUnicorn that’s great 😂😂

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HoustonBess Fri 26-Apr-19 15:04:53

Why are you sleeping with this immature douche?

Itsjustme55 Fri 26-Apr-19 17:30:24

HoustonBess I do understand where he is coming from in the sense that he wants to respect his parents.. BUT YES HE IS 24!🙄😂

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HoustonBess Sat 27-Apr-19 03:20:47

Just reminds me of my first bf when I was late teens/early 20s. Christian family.

I had to shop for/pay for condoms as they were 'for my benefit'. I also disposed of them, taking them out to a public bin.

The underlying assumption was that sex was something I brought with me and sd be ashamed of, not sth we did together as adults. Sneaking around is dumb. You either embrace sex as a grown person or you don't do it.

FWIW first bf was a nightmare to break up with and I soon realised he'd been no great shakes sexually either wink

Renarde1975 Sat 27-Apr-19 13:34:05

OP - the problem here is not the fact that the parents are Christian or even that the mother snoops (bad enough) it's actually your partner.

So, you are good enough for a bunk up but not good enough that he feels he cant stand up to his parents and is coercing you into keeping his secret? Then rounds on you for 'carelessness'. Utter hypocrite.

If he loves you and wants to be with you he should not and I repeat NOT be coercing you in this way. He should be proud he has you and as clearly you are both consenting adults, it's no ones business what you choose to do. Well done for using a condom BTW.

Not for the obvious (sti) but because I would think very closely about marrying into this family. The last thing you need is becoming pregnant. BTW, I would also use the pill if it is suitable for you.

As to PP who suggest leaving 'other things', I would not do this OP. It will only rebound on you via your boyfriend. I'm suprised that no one has pointed this out.

xpc316e Sat 27-Apr-19 18:38:56

I find it odd that he is unable to stand up to his parents' prehistoric attitudes to premarital sex between consenting adults. It is also immensely rude of them to inflict their moral code upon others.

I expect that they are aware that you two are having sex, so this 'not under our roof' stance is staggering in this day and age. Your man needs to at the very least put his cards on the table and have an honest discussion with his parents.

I love the suggestions about rabbits and handcuffs; people like his parents need to be freaked out. Why not arrange a weekend away in an air bnb with them; you could sleep together in your room while they could do the same in theirs. That wouldn't be under their roof and you could have wild, abandoned, noisy sex.

123456Abcde123456 Tue 30-Apr-19 00:32:48

How are they ok about you buying a house and shacking up in sin??

Honestly though, it's their house their rules. But things that happen outside their house, like this, is non of their business. He's probably a bit scared of the Potential confrontation. But more likely just embarrassed

threesecrets Wed 01-May-19 19:00:46

He is under minding you. He chose to have sex. Trying to hide it doesn't make it go away.

JQBased Sat 04-May-19 18:24:51

"...people like his parents need to be freaked out..." How old are you? What kind of weird juvenile thinking is that?

I think it's out of respect for the parents, which is fair enough but then if he wants to be respectful why not go to a hotel/BnB that would be more relaxing for a start. Also, indeed you have to watch what you say again it's out of respect, it's the same respect I assume people would have going in to a Muslim, Jewish, Hindu etc household to respect their home and their beliefs of which people denouncing them on here more than likely wouldn't have the courage to do if it was regarding a different religion.

So the bottom line is if all this is too much for you, then you need to look at whether this is the relationship for you. The guy is 24 but he also needs to stand on his own feet, if he cares that much for you he needs to sort out the logistics of this relationship rather than hushing you or being anxious constantly, again the same question to him, is this the relationship for him.

Itsjustme55 Sat 04-May-19 21:11:59

It’s not a case is the relationship right for either of us, it’s a matter of him being anxious because he doesn’t want to disappoint his parents... it’s not that he constantly goes on it was just this one scenario which has made him anxious.. Now that time has passed since this he is fine.. and it was In a hotel as stated above, but I put the wrapped in my bag, which I took back with me... it’s difficult because we BOTH want to lead and live our own lives but also want to show respect for him parents whilst he lives under their roof.. thank you all for your comments and views! 🙌🏼 Xx

OP’s posts: |
Blokenamechangesexboard Mon 06-May-19 05:43:45

@xpc316e

I find it odd that he is unable to stand up to his parents' prehistoric attitudes to premarital sex between consenting adults.

It's a perfectly sensible view to take, and very common around the world both now and historically. So there is nothing prehistoric about it..

It is also immensely rude of them to inflict their moral code upon others.

No. You are rude. In fact the OP doesn't say they have done this. All she has said is what her DP thinks. But even if they have: their house, their rules.

I expect that they are aware that you two are having sex, so this 'not under our roof' stance is staggering in this day and age. Your man needs to at the very least put his cards on the table and have an honest discussion with his parents.

It's really not staggering.

I love the suggestions about rabbits and handcuffs; people like his parents need to be freaked out. Why not arrange a weekend away in an air bnb with them; you could sleep together in your room while they could do the same in theirs. That wouldn't be under their roof and you could have wild, abandoned, noisy sex.

Because firstly the OP hasn't said that her DP's mum has looked in the bag; secondly they might take quiet pride that their own handcuffs are better quality; and thirdly, they might out-screw the OP which would be somewhat embarrasing for her. smile

PhilTheSahd Tue 07-May-19 14:00:45

I've got religious parents, and I know I sometimes worry that I or my DW will bring on a good old fire and brimstone remark from my DM. For me it's that I don't want a scene to happen - I want everyone to just get along peacefully and have fun with each other despite the fact that I know that they have very different world views. As well as trying to avoid my DM ever knowing about any non-christian things I may have done in my life, I also try to avoid my DM and DW talking about politics near each other as they have opposit views, or anything else where one side could get offended. It's pretty tiring really, and there's have been some times over the years where I've not managed to prevent the inevitable and my DW has seen why I avoid them having certain conversations.

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