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Sex

Sexual reawakening in my 40s

19 replies

spritesobright · 05/02/2019 21:47

I always thought the idea of a sexual reawakening was a bit of a myth. Now in my 40s I got a new bf (ex left and had an affair), and suddenly the sex is amazing.
Ex and I were married for 14 years and I always thought the sex was good, about once a week but quite vanilla.
Now suddenly I want to try all these new things and bf is up for it, which is great. I don't know what's come over me. It's like I'm insatiable when we're together.
We will have sex for several hours and then wake up in the morning and do it again, and then again.
I don't know what my question is exactly. I just can't get over how different I feel and sometimes I worry I have a sex addiction or something.
Do you think this is normal?

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PatPhoenix · 05/02/2019 22:16

I never had casual sex in my life (actually I did, but I didn't know it was casual until afterwards...) I was utterly moral, faithful, occasionally naughty within my relationship but mostly once a fortnight stuff.

Then I was widowed and turned 50...

Tomorrow I'm meeting an older chap who's into tantric sex and I'm speed reading a textbook about it. I've got an occasional FWB arrangement now which is utterly sizzling hot and a few more no strings dates lined up.

The previous version of me keeps warning it will All End In Tears but the current version is having a ball.

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FiveStoryFire · 05/02/2019 22:27

This has happened to me too. Also in my 40s.
It must be true that women peak much later than men!

I think a lot of it is realising I'm not constrained by society's moral code anymore and I really can do pretty much whatever the fuck I feel like.
It's liberating!

It's also very freeing now that I no longer want any more children so don't NEED a man in the same way that I used to. Anyone I'm with now is because I truly want to be with them and fancy the pants off them.

I also care much less about what any partners might think about me. I'm more focused on myself instead of them. But in a good way.
I'm enjoying myself hugely!

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spritesobright · 05/02/2019 23:05

This is so reassuring to hear. Glad I'm not the only one. Thanks both for replying.
I totally agree about not being constrained by societal norms anymore (to some extent).
My new partner is less assertive than previous ones and this is actually fantastic for me and means I get to steer much more than I did previously.
I also realised that my ex's obsession with mutual orgasms via PIV was actually constraining my pleasure.
I am much less fixated on orgasms now and just like experimenting and seeking pleasure. The orgasms come but equally it doesn't feel disappointing if one or the other of us doesn't cum.
A bit sad I wasn't having amazing sex before but better late than never.

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StarlightLady · 06/02/2019 04:49

Congrats on finding your sexual peak. It’s normal, it’s healthy, it’s good.

Just be aware that others may notice a twinkle in your eye when you go to work!

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toddman70 · 07/02/2019 00:32

So cool to hear that you ladies discovered a sexual awakening in your 40s. Crazy question for you, did that happen once you were single or did it happen while married? And a follow up, if married, do you think a woman could discover a sexual awakening while married or are there to many societal constraints involved?

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spritesobright · 07/02/2019 08:07

Hey Toddman I think my reawakening started when I read Esther Perel's book "Mating in Captivity" and that was in my marriage but we were going through a crisis as well.
Then ex left and I found my sex drive only increased.
So I definitely think it could happen in a marriage if you're both open to change.

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spritesobright · 07/02/2019 10:32

I wanted to add that I think you need to tread carefully with the topic.
When my ex mentioned that he wasn't happy with our sex life I really resented the idea that it was somehow my "duty".
I had to remind myself that I liked sex and I should do it for me, not him. It also happens to be a bonding experience, of course. Which is important in a marriage I think.

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toddman70 · 07/02/2019 12:07

Thanks Sprite, didn't mean to hijack your thread. May I PM you?

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spritesobright · 07/02/2019 14:02

Not sure I can help really.
Why not see a counsellor and speak to your wife? Or read the book yourself.

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toddman70 · 07/02/2019 14:52

Yes, I know I have to speak to my wife, that is what I'll have to eventual do. My dilemma is not knowing whether it is outside the marriage life factors being brought in affect us (jobs, physical health because of jobs etc.), or inside the marriage factors that are affecting us. I see these as two different kinds of problems that should be approached differently, but still addressed, but I'm not really sure how to go about determining which set of problems we are dealing with ATM.

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CheggarsPlaysPlop · 09/02/2019 15:22

Me! I did. Voracious awakening and a newly found interest in a girl (I was strsight) that I cannot get enough of

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spritesobright · 09/02/2019 23:17

Congrats Cheggars it sounds amazing.
I tried dating women when I went onlinr dating. No interest back but I certainly feel like it could've happened if I'd had any matches

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Joey7t8 · 10/02/2019 01:09

This just sounds like fairly normal new relationship sexual attraction where you both want to shag 3-4 times a day. Great fun!

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spritesobright · 10/02/2019 20:41

Ha! That's never been my normal. And the sex is quite different than what I'm used to.
But I am also aware that this pace can't continue indefinitely.
Oh well, will enjoy it while I can.

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PussGirl · 12/02/2019 19:33

I'm currently having the best sex I've ever had, in my 50s.

Like you I'm no longer chasing orgasms or trying to keep up with a man's orgasm, & am consequently much more relaxed & actually having a lot more (& more intense) orgasms. Grin

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spritesobright · 13/02/2019 22:37

That's brilliant pussgirl and long may it continue!

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Tinkerbellx · 14/02/2019 21:38

I met my dp aged 45 after a 25 year marriage ( single 2 years after divorce ).
I kept thinking this can't be normal as I'm now 48 ! I've had 4 dc and feel my body is the worse for wear . Dp has no dc and never had a partner who has so was a bit shy tbh !
2 years down the line we have only ever gone to sleep probably 3 or 4 times ( jet lag or illness ) without dtd.
Many weekends still are spent entirely in bed literally coming up for food !
I remember one I lost 4 lbs over a weekend because we literally did nothing else for 48 hrs with the odd snooze / cuddle / bacon butty .
Back to work Monday morning with my very important face on hardly able to walk never mind sit down !
It may not wear off so enjoy .
I guess we've slowed down a bit in so far as it's not always a long session but still if the connection is there it's great and long may it continue x

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spritesobright · 14/02/2019 22:07

Tinkerbellx that is both reassuring and hilarious - "very important face" and "bacon butties." 😁
I absolutely love the feeling of being like a carefree teenager again (except I never had sex as a teenager).
And long may it continue. 2 years down the line sounds fab.

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Spudina · 20/02/2019 09:50

I read recently about sex surges, maybe that plays a part in the increased sexual appetite in the 40s/50s. Essential your body realises that you don't have many chances left to procreate, and makes you hornier to facilitate this. Also with experience and a secure marriage I have learnt to be open and unapologetic about my desires. In my younger years I wouldn't have been so upfront. Whatever the reason, let's enjoy it, and long may it last!

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