I can’t orgasm with boyfriend no matter what

(9 Posts)
Chillicheese Tue 01-Jan-19 17:14:52

I’m looking for some advice and help around this issue, in a long standing mumsnetter have recently NC to post this!

I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year and I’ve never had an orgasm with him. Partly because I just can’t relax and let go enough for it to happen, i think I feel a bit self conscious about it happening but the longer it goes on the worse it feels.
With ny previous two LTRs we’d use a bullet vibrator on my clit during PIV and I’d nearly always have an orgasm (but still struggled to ‘let go” and it’d take a while). Rarely can I make myself orgasm without using some sort of vibration, and the first time I ever orgasmed was when I was 20 when I discovered rampant rabbits grin anything involving just fingers/penis etc doesn’t do enough to tip me over the edge. With an ex I orgasmed once with him through oral. Every other time was with a toy. I’ve tried relaxing, deep breathing during sex, raising my pelvis, having a massage beforehand, not focusing on an orgasm as a goal and just enjoying - to no avail. It all feels amazing and I love sex with my bf but I do crave that explosion with him.
He has said things like “let me know what feels good/if I’m doing anything wrong” and I feel bad that he may feel bad that it’s not happening.
Do I need to chuck my vibrators in a cupboard and get back to basics by myself? Maybe I’ve become too reliant on them?

OP’s posts: |
flintfoxy Tue 01-Jan-19 20:13:13

Do you come through oral?

Chillicheese Tue 01-Jan-19 20:31:10

@flintfoxy nope! I did once with my ex, it took a while though.

OP’s posts: |
GreasyFryUp Tue 01-Jan-19 20:37:45

You need to discover what your "Core Erotic Feeling" is. Think about what it is, what emotions you have, what you fantasise about that pushes you over the edge. You then need to communicate that to your partner. And he needs to say/do whatever it takes to make you feel like that.

It's not the mechanics of sex that makes you orgasm. It's how it makes you feel.

PatPhoenix Thu 03-Jan-19 23:45:11

I would say - if you come with a vibrator then use a vibrator. I can't work out from your post whether you are using one with him?

MarieG10 Sat 05-Jan-19 17:37:12

Imwould disagree. Bin the vibrator at least for a while and ga back to basics, but don't rush it. Have a nice bath, some dressing up, let him massage you and perhaps some dirty talk in your ear if you are,comfortable. Don't rush and don't expect immediate results either

bowtieandheels Sun 06-Jan-19 01:30:25

I could've written your post OP, literally exactly the same experience...the Lelo sonar is my best friend 😁 can't get anywhere near orgasm without a vibrator.

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StarlightLady Thu 24-Jan-19 06:59:21

So you orgasm! Lot’s of women don’t climax through penetration.

Rather than put the vibrators in a cupboard you would be better adding a further one to your bedside drawer. Enjoy them with him. I have never met a man yet who doesn’t like to watch. And guide him too.

Don’t concern yourself so much with how you get there, that is really not important. Try asking him for more oral and mix that in with vibey.

Happy buzzing and purring.

Momo18 Thu 24-Jan-19 19:32:33

I'd get rid of the vibrator for a bit. You need to desensitise, it's a bit like death grip! You need to discover what feels good and focus on it.

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