Noisy sex?

(117 Posts)
ConfusedDH Thu 02-Aug-18 22:02:59

I stayed in a hotel the other night where the couple in the next room where having very noisy sex. For ages.

This post is not about the protocols of being noisy in hotels or public places, that's a different subject matter.

The reason for this post is to ask whether people in long term relationships have noisy sex like that or not?

I'm ashamed to admit that my overriding emotion as I lay there unable to not listen to them was one of sadness.

This was in the main due to envy that they were clearly enjoying what must have been pretty mind blowing sex - at least from her perspective. Something that I've never experienced with a partner before, but would dearly love to (too late now, married, kids, and very quiet, dull by comparison sex).

It made me realise that never in my life have I made love to a woman and experienced anything even remotely like that level of vocalisation or professed enjoyment.

Don't get me wrong, I know what an orgasm sounds like, although I've never heard one called out at full pitch/volume, but this was on a different level.

All my sexual experiences have been occasional muted moans and groans, a little heavy breathing, and perhaps a gasp/sigh or two at the end.

This sounded like the labour ward.

It made me feel like I've never even remotely got close to giving a woman that kind of pleasure where they call out loudly over and over again. It was as if it was an hour long continuous orgasm, and a corker at that!

I've seen porn stars sound like they're having a limb amputated without anaesthetic and always assumed it was utter nonsense, but to hear it in real life was a kick in the nuts.

So, is it normal to be that vocal, and if so, am I correct in believing that it must feel absolutely, utterly intoxicatingly magnificent to result in making that amount of uncontrollable noise?

If so, do I assume that I'm just completely terrible in bed?

I appreciate some women are noisier than others, but surely you don't make that kind of noise unless you're having your mind blown?

Our sex has always been very quiet, and when the kids came along, pretty much silent. Even when we've got the house to ourselves (and we occasionally have sex) it's still quiet enough that nobody could ever hear in the next room.

I just feel like I'm missing out on this exciting, passionate, noisy sex and the pleasure that must create it.

Any thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
TinManc Thu 02-Aug-18 22:43:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfusedDH Thu 02-Aug-18 23:05:39

I envy you.

It must feel great to know you're giving someone that much pleasure, not to mention the turn on from the noise in itself.

I guess you've just cemented my inner fear.

I've clearly had a life of dull, barely pleasurable, take it or leave it sex.

OP’s posts: |
User1011 Fri 03-Aug-18 03:15:08

They were probably having an affair, and she had low inhibitions / chose to act that way because she was in a hotel.

One of my kids walked in once and said “mummy, why does it sound like an animals dying inhere”

MarieG10 Fri 03-Aug-18 07:35:09

I second the having an affair but yes in occasions I can be loud if very aroused. Usually on a weekend away (minus kids) or something special and I have dressed up and we have gone to bed and had a really good timewink

ConfusedDH Fri 03-Aug-18 08:27:02

Hmmm - I was secretly hoping for reassurance, but it looks like I'm the odd one out.

"Animals dying", "dressed up, gone to bed and had a really good time".

None of my touching, caressing, thrusting etc has ever resulted in lots of noise, beyond what you might hear in a restaurant when someone is enjoying a nice meal or a cup of tea.

I feel really shit now. sad

OP’s posts: |
SilverLake Fri 03-Aug-18 10:45:35

Don't take the replies from three posters with a pre disposition to open this thread as a reason to feel down! My DH gives me so much pleasure but I'm pretty quiet. For me volume is not an measure of enjoyment. I have to consciously remember to express myself through making some noise and 99% of the time I forget. Does your DW know it is important to you? Concern for other people overhearing makes us quiet and then that becomes the norm.


SnowyAlps Fri 03-Aug-18 11:37:05

I'm a noisy one sorry. It's just me I can't help it. When dp stays over, or when I was with my ex, I bite on a pillow because of the kids. But I've found FOR ME and MY PARTNERS, that when I become vocal it tips them over the edge. However not everyone is like this- doesn't mean anything is wrong at all! We are just all different, it's what makes sex interesting. As long as you and your dp are happy that's all that matters. Don't compare yourselves to others.

Arghthisissodifficult Fri 03-Aug-18 12:16:54

I'm quiet, I kind of go into my head and get lost in the physical feelings. If I feel I need to be noisy, it puts me off.

ConfusedDH Fri 03-Aug-18 17:24:10

That's just the thing - I'm not happy, and hearing the passions and sounds of 'horny' really made me feel like I am missing out.

Yes, my DW knows I like expressed enjoyment, but also knows I can spot fake very easily. To her, it's 'nice'', but not nice enough to call out and make lots of noise. If she started to be noisy I'd know it wasn't real and she was just doing it to try and please me - which is lovely that she's trying, but it's the natural passion, horniness and expressed enjoyment I'm missing, that won't be satisfied unless it's genuine.

I guess it's a bit like someone trying/planning to be spontaneous - it just doesn't work, because, well, it's not spontaneous.

OP’s posts: |
thisisouryrfx18 Fri 03-Aug-18 19:30:12

@ConfusedDH why dnt you and DW try different stuff to spice up your sex life if its not working for you then shake things up a bit. Why dnt you buy her some sexy lingerie so she knows you still fancy her or some flavoured lube. It doesnt have to be anything crazy just something to put a little spark in your relationship.

ConfusedDH Fri 03-Aug-18 19:55:44

I'd love to spice things up, but she's not enthusiastic. I could smear her in melted chocolate and roll her in hundreds and thousands but she'd be doing it because she thinks it makes me happy, not because she wants to.

I want her to want to spice things up for herself, not for me - that might sound strange and I struggle to express it any better than that. I crave and get turned on by a woman displaying sexualness, desire and need. Pretending just for my sake wouldn't do it for me.

She expresses no desire or appetite for rude/kinky/fun/naughty etc.

If I bought her sexy lingerie, she's be the one posting on here that her DH bought her sexy lingerie followed by an eye rolling emoji.

I've suggested lingerie to her on quite a few occasions and how I'd like it - it's not he lingerie per se, but the fact that buying it and wanting to wear it demonstrates an underlying feeling of 'sexy'.

I've talked it through over and over about how i want to spice things up and she either doesn't understand and is a bit thick, or cares but is unwilling or incapable of addressing things, or doesn't care, irrespective of willingness to work at things.

I'm undecided which it is.

My issue is that it's really grating on me the longer I feel unfulfilled, and whilst a normal guy doesn't think about a glass of water all the time, a really thirsty man thinks about it constantly. If all he gets is a sip of water every now and again, he'll always crave that deep gulp.

How do you inject passion into something where the other person is not passionate?

OP’s posts: |
SchnitzelVonKrumm Fri 03-Aug-18 20:19:33

I'd assume hotel man was shit in bed and hotel woman was faking it.

thisisouryrfx18 Fri 03-Aug-18 20:35:56

@SchnitzelVonKromm i was thinking the same thing yh sum ppl r loud but sum just go ott when theyr faking it..who knows. Well i would need to sit her down n have a chat try at least one last time. Ask her if shes using the uninterested attitude to cover up the fact that shes embaressed alot of ppl do that. Or ask her if theres anything you can do to make her feel more sexy, as crazy as it sounds some women find the mundane a turn on like he tidied the whole house before i got in from work and now i have more energy for sex. Or a flirty txt after a night out telling her how sexy she looked..

CherryPlum Fri 03-Aug-18 20:57:30

Aw maybe he thought it was cute 😂

CherryPlum Fri 03-Aug-18 20:58:09

Wrong thread oops

ConfusedDH Fri 03-Aug-18 20:58:29

I've given up with flirty texts. I get no response whatsoever beyond, "Can you pick up some bread on your way home..." and have never received one from her, ever.

I just don't think she's a sexy person and I'm beginning to feel that she goes through the motions out of duty. It's wearing thin to be honest.

It's a shame, as I get more enjoyment and satisfaction these days from masturbation than passionless, disinterested, take it or leave it sex where I have to make all the moves, suggest every position and decide when it's over - she never cums from PIV, so her orgasm (if she wants one) is done and dusted during very boring foreplay, despite me suggesting variety.

OP’s posts: |
NotTheFordType Fri 03-Aug-18 21:06:01

There are many men in your position, and they make up the majority of my clientele.

ConfusedDH Fri 03-Aug-18 21:29:30


Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure whether I find that reassuring that I'm not alone, or sad for all the people with dull sex lives.

OP’s posts: |
BatshitCrazyWoman Fri 03-Aug-18 21:38:49

Some people are very sexual, and some aren't, OP. And I don't think it's something you can 'learn'

The not making noise isn't completely relevant as some women are just quiet.

ConfusedDH Fri 03-Aug-18 21:51:15

I could live with quiet, if it was joined with horny and passionate.

OP’s posts: |
BatshitCrazyWoman Fri 03-Aug-18 22:00:49

And I think that's the issue, lack of passion. I'm not sure it can be learned and it would be soul destroying if it were faked.

ConfusedDH Fri 03-Aug-18 22:23:22

I agree.

I think my wife lacks confidence and the ability to let go. No idea what to do about it though as I see no evidence of the little devil inside waiting to get out.

No idea whether this is related or not, but she only gets wet very shortly before she orgasms. Maybe my expectations are wrong, but even after loads of kissing, stoking, caressing, massaging between her legs etc, it's still dry, i.e. no different to any other time of the day.

Eventually, when she's just about to cum, I sense it getting a little slippery.

To me, just being in the mood and feeling sexy/horny after some basic foreplay should induce that should it not? Or am I being unrealistic? It's not that she can't get wet, she does....... eventually and boy is it an effort.

Is it outlandish to feel it appropriate to get wet when you're horny, or after a few minutes of foreplay?

Should it take 20-30 minutes of genital stimulation just to get wet?

I'd love to know what a woman would think if it took 20-30 mins of constant blow job just to get me erect. I imagine this would make a woman feel concerned, worried, disheartened, no?

OP’s posts: |
needyourlovingtouch Fri 03-Aug-18 22:29:25

OP is your wife on any birth control like the pill etc? This can affect libido and arousal. Usually you would expect a woman to be most interested in sex around the time she ovulates which is about 12-14 days before the start of her period

CandleWithHair Fri 03-Aug-18 22:35:48

Stimulation begins well before any part of you touches any part of her. How exactly do you two go about getting each other in the mood?

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