Ways to reduce your sex drive for women?

(22 Posts)
weeblueberry Fri 13-Jul-18 18:59:22

I’m reluctant to try various birth control methods because (for other reasons) they’ve had very negative side effects in the past. Has anyone used any medication or natural methods that have totally killed your sexual desire?

Thanks in advance!

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weeblueberry Fri 13-Jul-18 18:59:53

Just to add I’m on fluoxetine which is known to reduce sex drive and it’s done nothing sadly.

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Familymanhusband Fri 13-Jul-18 19:22:14

Why would you want to reduce your sex drive?

weeblueberry Fri 13-Jul-18 19:38:00

Because my partner has such a low sex drive and I have such a high one that we’re incompatible right now. Since nothing has changed in his regard it will have to change it mine.

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weeblueberry Fri 13-Jul-18 19:40:28

*in mine

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Familymanhusband Fri 13-Jul-18 20:03:23

I understand the sentiment, but that is not a long term or sustainable solution I'm afraid.

I appreciate how frustrating it must be though. MN is full of threads of people with miss-matched sex drives.

It's such an important factor in a relationship yet seldom discussed openly and upfront in the early days.

My advice to anyone starting out at the beginning of a potential LTR would be to establish each others wants, needs and expectations from a relationship in the sex department, and to think very carefully before progressing with something that has anything more than a slight mismatch.

It's certainly the biggest, in fact only challenge in my relationship.

Familymanhusband Fri 13-Jul-18 20:04:30

Out of interest, how often per week or month would you like sex compared to your partner?


Wherearemymarbles Fri 13-Jul-18 21:26:09

Thing is though familyman things change.
Prekids my partner would be quite happy with twice a day and 6 times over a weekend.
Fast forward 15 years and kids, twice a week is more than enough....

topcat2014 Fri 13-Jul-18 22:27:24

@Wherearemymarbles - I think we started off where you are now, and have gone downwards since..

Familymanhusband Fri 13-Jul-18 22:35:36

Some do indeed change, some don't.

My drive, desire and libido is exactly the same as 30 years ago.

Newman2018 Fri 13-Jul-18 23:00:06

It’s admirable that you want to reduce your sex drive to match your partner’s. Aren’t you trying to deny nature though and all your natural urges?

I guess it could work for a while. Won’t you end up frustrated or with a feeling that you’ve missed out?

I agree that this is such a big issue that affects many couples, myself and DW included. I don’t have any answers and I guess I try and stifle my desire by distracting myself with other things but the desire doesn’t go away and is always there.

I guess everyone is different though and if you think you can be happy this way then it’s probably the right thing for you.

weeblueberry Fri 13-Jul-18 23:41:22

Thanks all. We’ve not had sex in seven months. I love him to bits, the only incompatible thing in our relationship is our mismatched sex drives. I believe him when he says it’s not a personal thing; he’s just not that sexually responsive. When we first got together it was maybe once a week, at my instigation. Now it’s, well, nothing in seven months? That’s two children later. I understand when he says he’s tired, stressed at work etc. I’m those things too but still want to feel intimate with him? So I see this as the only option really...

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NotTheFordType Sat 14-Jul-18 11:13:41

Of course it's not the only option. Get out there and get yourself a FWB. If sex isn't important to him then he won't mind, will he?

Boredboredboredboredbored Sat 14-Jul-18 11:20:06

I thought you were going to say a few times a week! Seven months isn't a normal sexual relationship by anybodies standards. Has he seen a GP? Is he bothered about it?

Fiire Sat 14-Jul-18 12:19:18

I worked on lowering my libido to match my wife's. I got sick of feeling like she was only putting out to keep me happy. It has worked pretty well, too well as now I turn her down. I still think she is only trying to conform to what she reads about sexless marriages in magazines and she isn't really into it. I don't even worry about it anymore. Having the media and sheeple try to label it as abnormal starts to become amusing once you realise sex is overrated and was never as good as you thought it was.

weeblueberry Sat 14-Jul-18 19:55:15

I wouldn’t feel comfortable having a FWB. I don’t want to just have sex, I want him to have sex with me.

He’s not seen a GP but is very stressed about a number of things just now. Plus the kids were coming into the bed until very recently which put him on edge then. We had a discussion about it last night though and talked things through. He said he knows things have to change. We’ll see.

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Newman2018 Sat 14-Jul-18 23:46:30

We’ve had the same issue with children coming through. We are trying to discourage it but it still happens occasionally. However, I’ve now fitted a lock to the bedroom door so that on the rare occasion when things do happen we can be sure of complete privacy!

downinthedumppppppsssss Sun 15-Jul-18 20:27:11

Sex drives do change when I first
Met my husband he was up for it most nights and every other night at least this has decreased and I know feel I have the higher sex drive in saying that I have made it clear
Any less than once a week makes me crabby but to be honest I'd prefer every other night again.

Have you tried using a vibrator?

Have you tried grafting him ... kiss him through the day give him self confidence... send him dirty messages ... rub his cock ...

It's hard with kids full time jobs and just life in general but honestly I find when I don't nag as much.. be more attentive and also when I wear less in bed seems to work..

waterSpider Mon 16-Jul-18 18:32:26

There is a food that reduces a woman's sex drive by about 90%, according to many men.

Wedding cake.

[/bad joke ends].

AccioVodka Thu 26-Jul-18 14:49:48

@weeblueberry yes there are herbal remedies. I ended up finding out more information through a Christian website that promoted no sex before marriage.

I take liquorice root twice a day, and agnus castus (aka chaste berry) once a day. Its taken about 3 months but i have noticed a marked reduction.

One thing i do stress though is that ues it has reduced my sex drive, but it hasn't stopped it completely, and the biggest issue is that it doesnt change how ypu feel emotionally about being in a sexless relationship.

Please feel free to message if you want to know more or just want to talk smile

numbmum83 Fri 03-Aug-18 00:01:26

I think you need to talk to him and discuss this because surely you can't be happy . 7 months is a long time.

I started seeing a guy 4 months ago and I'm on the sofa tonight because the lack of sex in our rship is making me moody. It's not just the lack of sex tho it's everything else that goes with it .
He doesn't cuddle me or kiss me and never ever comes onto me. It's becoming a deal breaker for me.

Are you happy with the intimacy and the rship on a whole outside of the bedroom ?

Hortonlovesahoo Sat 04-Aug-18 20:27:08

Have you tried endurance sports? Previously, I used to go for a hard run when I was particularly horny to get it out of my system. Now, I tend to sort myself out and go for a run or bike ride to get the energy release out.

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