Only those who have been a registered user of Mumsnet for at least 90 days can post in this topic.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Just don't want it!(9 Posts)
I've been married to my wife (we are both female) for 4 years. Our daughter is two and a bit. Sex was great at first, though she has a much higher drive than me. We work the same amount and the housework is pretty much equal, though she's untidy . We are affectionate.
I've just completely gone off sex. Not gone off my wife - I love her a lot. I think. But I just don't want to touch or be touched at the moment. I'm fat, and I think that's the problem - I just don't want anybody near my fat stomach or thighs or bottom, at all.
She is a bit 'grabby' too - says she'd like stuff then tries to grab my breasts or privates with no warm up! I have to gently, or often not so gently, shove her hands away. I just can't do it like that, just watching tv or in the kitchen or whatever and she shoves my hand down there!
I'd appreciate any advice. Please be nice - I'm really struggling with this!
Are you the biological mother? There is no question that having a baby, even with all the support in the world impacts on libido over the short term.
And your wife’s somewhat oafish approach to seduction can’t help much either!
There has to be an honest conversation about how you feel about yourself and how jer behaviour makes you feel
Hi, I'm not the birth mother, no! I thought my wife's libido would diminish after having our daughter, but nope...
I think you need to explain to her that your libido isn't the same as it was at the minute.
But to her, you probably look like you're rejecting her. So my advice would be to spend time together doing non-sexual but romantic things, like going out on dates (cinema, meal etc) or eating dinner together, cooking together etc.
I would tell her that grabbing you is not acceptable, and you don't like it. Speak to her and tell her how you feel, grabbing at you won't bring back your urges so you both need to think of something else. Maybe more romantic time together without the pressure of sec at end
If a man was doing what she was doing he’d be labelled a creep and a sleaze. That is exactly what she is.
Tell her, why on earth would you want to do anything when you feel like a permenant groping pole?!
The thing that stood out for me here though was you said ‘you think’ you love her? That says a lot - are there any other problems other than her constant disgusting groping??
My weight effects my sex drive tbh
Lack of confidence = lower sex drive
If you can exercise abit and eat healthy you may feel better ?
As for groppinh has she always been that way ?
I know where you are coming from I'm a bit like this with DH I love hi, just not feeling it, confidence is a big thing too. DH does the groping thing and it just makes it worse. Previously i have had to change my mindset and talk to DH start date nights etc and it helps but it's hard work. You can change this, you love each other so you are part way there, being married is bloody hard work.
Thank you all for your replies. It's really hard, having zero sex drive. I did satisfy her a few nights ago so hopefully that will last a bit. I feel awful because I know she needs sex but I just can't give it at the moment. I've never felt less like sex than I do now...