Miss sex

(32 Posts)
haveandtohold Sat 03-Mar-18 21:32:54

I'm in a sexless marriage, I miss it.

Who else feels the same?

I can't believe it, after divorcing my first husband as I was unhappy I now find myself in a similar situation. I long for excitement and to be wanted. Seems like I'm a long way from it at the moment.
Just wanted to get it off my chest...

OP’s posts: |
Dappledsunlight Sat 03-Mar-18 23:18:00

Same here, haveandtohold. It's been so long, can barely remember. I bury my head and pretend it's ok, but lately it's been making me envious of others I imagine who have healthy sex life. I'm miserable without it. What's your situation - is it lack of desire on your behalf of DH's, or something else....?

haveandtohold Sun 04-Mar-18 07:14:47

Hi Dappled - i think does have a play in it but we don't talk about it to really know. I've lost 4 stone recently and feel great but may as well be invisible. What about you?

OP’s posts: |
Snowdrop567 Sun 04-Mar-18 09:16:39

Same here. I feel invisible too. I miss the intimacy as much as the sex......

haveandtohold Sun 04-Mar-18 21:06:17

Yes Snowdrop me too - sad isn't it

OP’s posts: |
Jason118 Tue 06-Mar-18 07:33:55

I think it's more common than people think - in my case you don't stop loving your DW but the need is still there. As you say, it's all a bit sad really.

Dappledsunlight Tue 06-Mar-18 13:20:10

Agree, I think it's pretty common. I never discuss this in RL with friends, tho some do allude to their sexual activity. I've wondered whether it's just an inevitable part of a long term relationship but also feel that's a pessimistic conclusion.
Congrats to ToHave on 4 stone weight loss...wow!

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Kestant Tue 06-Mar-18 19:00:29

I found other hobbies.

PussGirl Tue 06-Mar-18 21:08:01

I stopped wanting sex with my husband because of creeping resentment about all sorts of issues in our relationship. He seemed not very interested but would occasionally approach me & I'd rebuff him.

I still felt really sexual though, but just couldn't with him sad

I left him recently. There wasn't enough other positive stuff to sustain us. We had had no sex at all for 4.5 years & very little for a few years before the.

I have had sex with someone else since leaving - so glad to report it all still works perfectly grin

PussGirl Tue 06-Mar-18 21:12:53

*that not the

Peakypolly Tue 06-Mar-18 23:22:49

I've wondered whether it's just an inevitable part of a long term relationship

In my experience- 29 years married- this is not the case, but it certainly ebbs and flows. We have more sex now than 10 years ago.

Dappledsunlight Wed 07-Mar-18 13:16:38

Glad it's not the case for you Peakypolly! I think there are so many variables - whether the intimacy was strong from the start, illness, family stress etc etc...

Snowdrop567 Sat 10-Mar-18 21:32:35

It is sad, and depressing. It's making me very depressed and anxious....

Dappledsunlight Sat 10-Mar-18 23:34:01

Haveandtohold: have you been able to broach the subject with your DH? If so, what's the response? Is it lack of desire on both sides or other issues? Discussed it a year or so ago but I know it's swept under the carpet really which isn't right. I guess I try to cope but then I get really sad and thus tips into low moods at times. I would love to have that physical closeness with a partner. Feel like it's not right to live this way.

Dappledsunlight Sat 10-Mar-18 23:35:38

Snowdrop : same question to you. Sorry you're depressed and anxious. What's your situation? Are you able to express your feelings to your partner?

lottieandmia22 Sun 11-Mar-18 00:09:27

All of my married friends have regular 'date nights' I think. The problem is that living together creates a complacency in the relationship especially when you have children as well. I've recently felt that if I ever lived with someone again I would realise from the outset that work would be needed to keep things happy. It's easier said than done though isn't it?

Snowdrop567 Sun 11-Mar-18 09:24:15

Dappled sunlight, I have spoken to him about it several times over the last 2 years. There was an issue with low testosterone but this is now treated. However nothing has changed. He was advised to have psycho-sexual counselling. He went for an assessment but never booked any sessions.
He knows I'm unhappy but I think he's just sticking his head in the sand. He's good in many other ways but my resentment has affected my feelings for him.

frustrated78 Thu 22-Mar-18 04:03:18

I'll join your club! Name changed here!
Have always had a weird sex life with DH having had all sorts of crazy empty sex based previous relationships!
When we met we did the typical never got out of bed for a few months then all of a sudden he changed and started turning me down in favour of sleep (we are talking 15 years ago in our 20s). I persevered for our relationship but it never went back to what I consider normal. When I was first pregnant he developed ED which was a bit gutting for me so spent the remainder of my pregnancy not even bothering.
Started having sex again when DC1 was about a year so it had been over a year.
I felt any time we did it was due to my initiating it - though he was always up for it for want of a better word. It was annoying to always be the one initiating!
Got pregnant with DC2 and didn't even bother to ask that whole pregnancy tbh - didn't want to be rejected!!
After DC2 was born I lost loads of weight and looked amazing - not sure he noticed as nothing changed !!
I could count on my hands the times we've had sex since then
It got to a point where I'd be thinking "we must do it as it's been x weeks" but again always me initiating it.
Then I had a back injury and couldn't even walk for months. Also gained a lot of weight.
Then it got to him wanting it at weird times like when we were really drunk and I wanted to pass out or when we woke up from a night out and I felt hungover and if I rejected him suddenly that was a big deal!!

Right now we've not had sex since July (at my initiating) we were in a family villa and I found a quiet spot and texted him !! It was fun!!!

Stupid thing is that I am horny. Surely he must be ?!! I also find him attractive. But it's got to the stage where having sex has become so awkward I don't even know how or where to begin!!

It seems to me like he rejected me so much I got to the point where I couldn't be arsed then he wanted it and I rejected him so we're both now scared to start anything!
I love him and want to stay together but not sure I can stay no sex forever !! I just imagine one of us will end up straying and it seems preventable . We have an amazing close relationship but when it comes to sex we've never seemed to really connect

frustrated78 Thu 22-Mar-18 04:03:42

I'll join your club! Name changed here!
Have always had a weird sex life with DH having had all sorts of crazy empty sex based previous relationships!
When we met we did the typical never got out of bed for a few months then all of a sudden he changed and started turning me down in favour of sleep (we are talking 15 years ago in our 20s). I persevered for our relationship but it never went back to what I consider normal. When I was first pregnant he developed ED which was a bit gutting for me so spent the remainder of my pregnancy not even bothering.
Started having sex again when DC1 was about a year so it had been over a year.
I felt any time we did it was due to my initiating it - though he was always up for it for want of a better word. It was annoying to always be the one initiating!
Got pregnant with DC2 and didn't even bother to ask that whole pregnancy tbh - didn't want to be rejected!!
After DC2 was born I lost loads of weight and looked amazing - not sure he noticed as nothing changed !!
I could count on my hands the times we've had sex since then
It got to a point where I'd be thinking "we must do it as it's been x weeks" but again always me initiating it.
Then I had a back injury and couldn't even walk for months. Also gained a lot of weight.
Then it got to him wanting it at weird times like when we were really drunk and I wanted to pass out or when we woke up from a night out and I felt hungover and if I rejected him suddenly that was a big deal!!

Right now we've not had sex since July (at my initiating) we were in a family villa and I found a quiet spot and texted him !! It was fun!!!

Stupid thing is that I am horny. Surely he must be ?!! I also find him attractive. But it's got to the stage where having sex has become so awkward I don't even know how or where to begin!!

It seems to me like he rejected me so much I got to the point where I couldn't be arsed then he wanted it and I rejected him so we're both now scared to start anything!
I love him and want to stay together but not sure I can stay no sex forever !! I just imagine one of us will end up straying and it seems preventable . We have an amazing close relationship but when it comes to sex we've never seemed to really connect

frustrated78 Thu 22-Mar-18 04:03:51

I'll join your club! Name changed here!
Have always had a weird sex life with DH having had all sorts of crazy empty sex based previous relationships!
When we met we did the typical never got out of bed for a few months then all of a sudden he changed and started turning me down in favour of sleep (we are talking 15 years ago in our 20s). I persevered for our relationship but it never went back to what I consider normal. When I was first pregnant he developed ED which was a bit gutting for me so spent the remainder of my pregnancy not even bothering.
Started having sex again when DC1 was about a year so it had been over a year.
I felt any time we did it was due to my initiating it - though he was always up for it for want of a better word. It was annoying to always be the one initiating!
Got pregnant with DC2 and didn't even bother to ask that whole pregnancy tbh - didn't want to be rejected!!
After DC2 was born I lost loads of weight and looked amazing - not sure he noticed as nothing changed !!
I could count on my hands the times we've had sex since then
It got to a point where I'd be thinking "we must do it as it's been x weeks" but again always me initiating it.
Then I had a back injury and couldn't even walk for months. Also gained a lot of weight.
Then it got to him wanting it at weird times like when we were really drunk and I wanted to pass out or when we woke up from a night out and I felt hungover and if I rejected him suddenly that was a big deal!!

Right now we've not had sex since July (at my initiating) we were in a family villa and I found a quiet spot and texted him !! It was fun!!!

Stupid thing is that I am horny. Surely he must be ?!! I also find him attractive. But it's got to the stage where having sex has become so awkward I don't even know how or where to begin!!

It seems to me like he rejected me so much I got to the point where I couldn't be arsed then he wanted it and I rejected him so we're both now scared to start anything!
I love him and want to stay together but not sure I can stay no sex forever !! I just imagine one of us will end up straying and it seems preventable . We have an amazing close relationship but when it comes to sex we've never seemed to really connect

frustrated78 Thu 22-Mar-18 04:04:27

I'll join your club! Name changed here!
Have always had a weird sex life with DH having had all sorts of crazy empty sex based previous relationships!
When we met we did the typical never got out of bed for a few months then all of a sudden he changed and started turning me down in favour of sleep (we are talking 15 years ago in our 20s). I persevered for our relationship but it never went back to what I consider normal. When I was first pregnant he developed ED which was a bit gutting for me so spent the remainder of my pregnancy not even bothering.
Started having sex again when DC1 was about a year so it had been over a year.
I felt any time we did it was due to my initiating it - though he was always up for it for want of a better word. It was annoying to always be the one initiating!
Got pregnant with DC2 and didn't even bother to ask that whole pregnancy tbh - didn't want to be rejected!!
After DC2 was born I lost loads of weight and looked amazing - not sure he noticed as nothing changed !!
I could count on my hands the times we've had sex since then
It got to a point where I'd be thinking "we must do it as it's been x weeks" but again always me initiating it.
Then I had a back injury and couldn't even walk for months. Also gained a lot of weight.
Then it got to him wanting it at weird times like when we were really drunk and I wanted to pass out or when we woke up from a night out and I felt hungover and if I rejected him suddenly that was a big deal!!

Right now we've not had sex since July (at my initiating) we were in a family villa and I found a quiet spot and texted him !! It was fun!!!

Stupid thing is that I am horny. Surely he must be ?!! I also find him attractive. But it's got to the stage where having sex has become so awkward I don't even know how or where to begin!!

It seems to me like he rejected me so much I got to the point where I couldn't be arsed then he wanted it and I rejected him so we're both now scared to start anything!
I love him and want to stay together but not sure I can stay no sex forever !! I just imagine one of us will end up straying and it seems preventable . We have an amazing close relationship but when it comes to sex we've never seemed to really connect

frustrated78 Thu 22-Mar-18 04:05:07

Sorry for multiple posts it was an app error

Halfway2Dead Thu 22-Mar-18 09:16:10

I’m heading for the same boat I think. 18 months ago DH developed ED and our sex life hasn’t been great ever since. We still attempt it but that’s been getting less frequent. When we do have sex I feel like it’s just a race to have an orgasm before he loses it, which isn’t a turn on, so I’m find myself wanting it less.

uncertaindreams Fri 23-Mar-18 15:01:33

Me too. Miss intimacy desperately and there's the added stigma of being the unwanted wife 😔....

Idontmeanto Sun 08-Apr-18 21:19:14

ED going on here, too. If I mention it he says he’ll see the gp but never does. Feel fat, ugly, unwanted and demanding.

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