How to avoid a sore bottom

(49 Posts)
CheekyChaCha Sat 30-Dec-17 08:29:30

DH and I have started having bumsex recently. So far we have done it twice. While it is true that the sensation is pretty odd and it isn’t physically as good as straight sex, overall I really enjoyed it and want to do it again. However there is a problem. Both times my bottom has been swollen and sore for five days afterwards. It’s not so sore that it stops me doing anything in the day but it’s still not great. I assume this must be because we are not preparing properly. While we are actually having bumsex it does hurt a little but it is not too bad.

We do use plenty of lube (coconut oil) and start with putting two fingers in me. Maybe we aren’t doing this right though or long enough?

Could anyone who can remember the first times they had bumsex give me a detailed recipe for how I should be preparing for bumsex to avoid the sore bottom problem please.

OP’s posts: |
NormaNameChange Sat 30-Dec-17 12:03:26

Assuming before you've started you've had a bit of a swish around with warm water? Body temp I find works best, and feeling clean allows for greater relaxation and easier glide.

Lube. Im allergic to KY and find some of the silicone lubes are gritty after a while and get sore. My personal preference being my own lubrication (perfectly PH balanced to me) and ermm well... saliva blush.

We dont usually bother with fingers, but what position are you using as some make for a more painful (and sore after) experience than others?

The least painful (for entry) Ive found are me on top - having total control allows you to go at your own pace and relax into it or laying flat, face down but being face down for much of it, can get really sore - really quick. Hands and knees is probably the most painful entry wise and ends up with the most soreness afterwards if you continue in that position. Try raising and lowering your shoulders in that position - see which feels more confortable in terms of angle, sounds mad but it really makes a difference grin

JustAnIdiot Sat 30-Dec-17 17:27:30

It's not supposed to hurt at all. I use Body Glide silicone lube from Love Honey & prepare by wearing a small butt plug during foreplay, which I find a real turn on.

I like it doggy-style & also lying on my back, legs together & raised onto my chest.

I find it best if it's not too fast or too deep.

Sometimes slightly swollen afterwards but never sore.

CheekyChaCha Sat 30-Dec-17 18:16:17

Do you remember how long you stayed swollen the first few times JustAnIdiot?

OP’s posts: |
CheekyChaCha Sat 30-Dec-17 18:18:25

NormaNameChange You may be in a different league if you are doing it without lube. However, what exactly do you mean by a bit of a swish around with warm water? Do you literally mean taking a bath or something more specific?

OP’s posts: |
JustAnIdiot Sat 30-Dec-17 18:25:25

Probably a couple of days till it looks completely normal. Not sore though, even when going to the toilet.

I have done it with just natural lube, if I'm turned on enough!

Norma might mean using a douche - I have done this occasionally, but usually don't bother with more than showering.

NormaNameChange Sat 30-Dec-17 21:29:14

I'm not advocating no lube, just making use of my own naturally produced + saliva but yes, I did mean a douche.

Nothing like a full-on enema but a squirt or five with a specifically designed bulb flush or if you cant be bothered with that m'larky a disposable water bottle with a sport cap - filled with tepid/body temperature water. Takes five mins and I personally appreciate the effects (and mitigates the risk of clean up although doesnt remove it entirely) release between each swish (I cant believe Im writing this) and the way is clear, so to speak.


AkimboLimbo Sat 30-Dec-17 22:38:34

Never tried coconut oil so I don't know how good it is but a good quality lube is vital IMO

I would recommend starting with an anal toy. Maybe a butt plug or a small dildo (with a flared end). Use that until it feels comfortable. Don't rush. Feeling a bit odd afterwards is ok, feeling sore or swollen the next day isn't.

Only once that has completely stopped can you move on to penis anal.
Get him to enter you slowly then stop still to allow you to fully relax and get used to the sensation. I would limit the amount of time - even to a minute or 2, until you really get the hang of relaxing and not suffering any unpleasant after effects.

Positions where you are relaxed are the best - not doggy! You on top puts you in complete control. Spoons is lovely and relaxing. Missionary with your legs pulled right up is my favourite.

Preparation can be done over several days or weeks, there is no rush.
An anal douche can be useful.

CheekyChaCha Sun 31-Dec-17 10:23:51

AkimboLimbo Thank you this is the sort of detail I need. I have no interest in being on top, that isn't what makes it exciting for me, but missionary could work. I will try your other suggestions although I need to find a butt plug that looks more "feminine" than the ones I have seen.

OP’s posts: |
NormaNameChange Sun 31-Dec-17 10:32:31

Theres a good range of pretty ones here. wink

AkimboLimbo Sun 31-Dec-17 19:00:34

Lovehoney have a lovely range. I would go for silicone or glass. I would also get more than one. 2 different sizes would probably help you.

CheekyChaCha Sun 31-Dec-17 19:25:45

AkimboLimbo Are these to have in while we have straight sex? Also, why two sizes?

OP’s posts: |
JustAnIdiot Sun 31-Dec-17 20:32:08

You can wear them during straight sex or even while going to the shops wink or as a warm up before anal sex.

Two sizes as it's often more comfortable to get used to a small one first.

I like glass ones - silicone ones can smell funny.

NormaNameChange Sun 31-Dec-17 21:12:15

Just a thought - the thing about butt plugs is that the neck is usually quite slender, to allow for a more comfortable wearing experience. Its a nice filling feeling, but totally different to having anal and doesnt necesarily help with the relaxing in the begining. Dont use the plug for too long before sex - they can cause some discomfort in and of themselves which leads to slight tenderness, therefore tensing/clenching which in turn leads to more tenderness and repeats the cycle. I find a climax or two before anal, makes everything much more relaxed

AkimboLimbo Sun 31-Dec-17 23:02:28

2 different sizes to see what you like and get used to different sizes.
Wearing it during sex is optional.
I would look at all of the anal toys. I found a dildo to be useful practice.

CheekyChaCha Sun 31-Dec-17 23:13:23

Now you have just confused me. I don’t want to use a butt plug for fun. I would only use it if it made later bumsex easier.

OP’s posts: |
JustAnIdiot Mon 01-Jan-18 11:38:02

I personally find wearing a plug for a while during foreplay makes anal sex easier.

What really makes it easier though is being relaxed, lots of lube & taking it slowly & gently.

I don't know whether you've watched it in porn vids but the vast majority of people can't have anal sex like that.

AkimboLimbo Mon 01-Jan-18 20:17:25

Butt plugs can be worn during sex or they can be used to prepare for anal sex.
However, the necks of plugs are usually quite slim so you might need a dildo that is a bit thicker to prepare even more.
The other advantage with using either is that it gets a liberal amount of lube inside.

CheekyChaCha Mon 01-Jan-18 20:53:50

So that puts me back in search of a dildo that looks like it has been designed to be sexy for women too. I did quite like the look of but it seems that might not be thick enough.

OP’s posts: |
CheekyChaCha Mon 01-Jan-18 21:10:00

JustAnIdiot Slow and gentle makes perfect sense but ... for DH to orgasm he can't stay at slow and gentle throughout. I suppose the hope is that with enough slow and gentle at the start you will be better prepared for the fast and exciting part at the end?

And thank you everyone for answering these detailed questions. They are hard to ask of anyone in person.

OP’s posts: |
JustAnIdiot Mon 01-Jan-18 21:34:44

Yes you can build up to fast & exciting - I don't like too much depth though - no more than the head & a bit of shaft.

My butt plug has quite a thick neck which gives a nice stretching feeling - it's a glass one from Love Honey - but overall is quite short - I don't like the poking feeling of anything going too deep!

NormaNameChange Mon 01-Jan-18 23:09:05

I'm finding this thread really quite interesting. I find the shallow thrusts more difficult to manage. Deep (either fast or slow) is my preference... i'm also a fan of a bit of girth - going back to fingers, one is unpleasant, two is much better but three and it starts to get really good. Overall I'd just prefer his cock tho. I think it's something related to a more sustained stretch, than stretch/relax/stretch that makes it more comfortable if you see what I mean? Not sure I explained that very well but hope ypu get what I mean...

Metal butt plugs are great, they warm with your body and give you a nice weight - try taking the stairs a couple of times with one in grin

JustAnIdiot Tue 02-Jan-18 07:25:53

Interesting yes - we all like different things!

I like one finger but not more - their combined shape is lumpy in cross-section rather than circular - nothing to do with the size as a cock is more comfortable!

I run down the stairs with the glass plug - nice & heavy grin

CheekyChaCha Tue 02-Jan-18 10:59:21

I feel we need a topic "Bumsex for amateurs" as some of you seem way beyond anything I plan to experiment with! I just want my DH to f**k my arse and for it not to injure me. No extended anal play, no running downstairs with butt plugs, no objects in me at all that aren't there to make the later f**king by DH easier . Is that too much to ask? smile

OP’s posts: |
NormaNameChange Tue 02-Jan-18 14:12:55

CheekyChaCha - then grab your lube of choice and go for it. Rinse and relax! There is a whole lot of misinformation about anal and its "gasps" dangers, lengthy prep needed, practice, training etc. If you want to have it - I think you're 90% of the way there because being tense (physically or mentally) is the biggest thing that will stop it being enjoyable. smile

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