When to tell a new partner about sexual assault?

(5 Posts)
user1492645183 Sun 29-Oct-17 22:54:17

I'm new to the dating world having separated from my husband about this time last year, and never thought I would be in this position until getting back in touch with an old friend. Skip to now and I know we will be having sex in the near future; something I really want and can't wait for. He is a wonderful man smile

There is a catch though and I think I'm right in wanting to tell him, as I'm sure he would be devastated to find out later. Basically I was raped when I was 16 (so a long time ago) by someone I knew. I've dealt with this and moved on; my husband knew and on the very few occasions that I froze up during sex, he was understanding and supportive. I have been assaulted more recently though (18 months) and haven't had sex since then. This wasn't rape but was violent and caused some physical injuries. I'm pretty sure that I've dealt with this, but I don't know what will happen when we get down to it.

How do I approach this with him though? I don't need anything form him in terms of support with it, but I want him to know before we get physical.

OP’s posts: |
Alittlepotofrosie Sun 29-Oct-17 23:06:24

I dont think you need to tel him specifics. Just let him know you've had some bad experiences and you really need to take it slow. If hes a good man he will understand.

JJRJ1002 Mon 30-Oct-17 07:42:01

I'm sorry that this has happened to you.

I agree that you don't to tell him the specifics.
I was drug raped when I was younger and haven't told my DP because I don't want him to have that thought in his mind. I want sex to be about us.

PhoenixMama Wed 01-Nov-17 16:12:39

I agree on not giving specifics, but do it sooner than later. I told my current partner our first night together. If you haven’t had sex since the assault be prepared that sex might trigger you. I’m not saying it will but it’s very common if it does. In my experience men handle finding this out far better than women do so try not to worry about it too much.

Lovemusic33 Wed 01-Nov-17 17:50:22

I'm not sure how you tell him or if you really need too. I am in a similar position but I was raped by my previous partner. I am dating someone, I have told him that I have an injunction out against my ex for harassment but I haven't told him about the rape, I don't know how or when to tell him. We have only been dating a short time so if I do tell him it won't be for a while as I don't think he needs to know.

I think you tell him when you feel comfortable doing so but don't feel you have to tell him, it's not as though you are lying to him.

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