Would this turn you off? First time with this man and not sure.

(39 Posts)
GreekYoghurts Sat 30-Sep-17 13:38:38

I have recently had sex with a man who was a friend for a long time. He's middle aged, divorced, played the field a lot - know that- and I assumed he'd be experienced. But his behaviour in bed has left me wondering.

For a start, he fingered me quite deeply (sorry to be so frank) while kissing and fully clothed. It wasn't exactly comfortable as I was not really aroused enough.

He tweaked my nipples to the extent that it hurt. Not just a caress but a real ' twist and pull' on them.

Immediately he was inside of me, he was banging away as if the harder and faster the better. Nope. He was pretty well endowed and again, it was slightly 'ouch', which he took as me not liking him.

On the pros side, he was happy to spend ages going down on me, but the 'goal' was I'd come (so I felt under pressure) and he kept asking if I was enjoying it.

Verdict?

OP’s posts: |
MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 30-Sep-17 13:40:05

Sometimes 'played the field a lot' means that there wasn't a woman who wanted to carry on seeing him. It sounds like that's the case here.

GreekYoghurts Sat 30-Sep-17 13:46:04

He has had a couple of longer term relationships ( 2 years or so, not ended through his choice) since his divorce, but also from what I gather a lot of ONS too. He was also a crotch grinder when kissing.
To me this all seems like a man who has an idea of what women want (by watching porn?) rather than through good communication - or low self-esteem?

OP’s posts: |
Anecdoche Sat 30-Sep-17 13:49:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PovertyJetset Sat 30-Sep-17 13:52:54

What did you do??

He sticks his finger in you and didn't enjoy it, move his hand and say something?

I mean he sounds inept and a bit like the boys I messed around with when I was a teenager! But Lordy, why didn't you say something?

So if he is pleasant in all other ways then give him another chance?

GreekYoghurts Sat 30-Sep-17 14:00:34

Yes I did move out of the way and say 'not yet' or words to that effect.
It was as if thought this was what women wanted. Or he needed to do it for the thrill he got out of it.

And the banging away - he asked if it was 'good' for me. Well, no, not really. Banging away doesn't really do it for me on its own.

The nipple pulling was painful and God knows why at his age no woman has told him that having your nipples tugged is not exactly nice.

I don't know if there will be a repeat performance. I think he thought my reactions meant we weren't compatible, rather than some fine- tuning needed. He's been a bit cool since.

OP’s posts: |
phoenix1973 Sat 30-Sep-17 16:23:54

No thanks. It should be hot so early on.
Dont settle for poor sex.

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gonnabreakmyrustycage Sat 30-Sep-17 18:14:19

No, no, no!

Santawontbelong Sat 30-Sep-17 18:17:40

Unless he is 16 you need to ltb. .

QuiteLikely5 Sat 30-Sep-17 18:19:52

What Santa said 😂

Ttbb Sat 30-Sep-17 18:20:59

Yes, that would turn me right off.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Sat 30-Sep-17 20:04:00

He has had a couple of longer term relationships ( 2 years or so, not ended through his choice)

I'll bet! shock

Did he insert a finger while you were clothed op? Ouch ouch ouch.

AnyFucker Sat 30-Sep-17 20:06:17

Shit in bed

Dump

Eleanorsummer Sat 30-Sep-17 21:09:21

Eurgh, sounds awful. Hate jack hammer types.

saleorbouy Sat 30-Sep-17 23:07:53

Playing the field most likely points to the fact that not many of his conquests wanted to come back for seconds.
From what you describe the whole experience was not particularly pleasurable or dealt with your needs only his.
Everyone is different when it comes to what they enjoy, how they like to be touched and turned on. If you go back for second encounter then you really need to guide and communicate your preferance to make your experience more pleasurable.

ShirleyPhallus Sat 30-Sep-17 23:10:30

But.... different strokes, different folks

Why didn't you just tell him you didn't like it / guide him to do something / get yourself off?

I never understand women who don't enjoy sex but just lay there in misery rather than going about improving it

expatinscotland Sat 30-Sep-17 23:11:55

Dump.

NoCryLilSoftSoft Sat 30-Sep-17 23:14:32

Yes I did move out of the way and say 'not yet' or words to that effect.

Instead of the truth? "That's fucking painful mate!"

And the banging away - he asked if it was 'good' for me. Well, no, not really. Banging away doesn't really do it for me on its own.

Did you say that? Did he stop and apologise?

The nipple pulling was painful and God knows why at his age no woman has told him that having your nipples tugged is not exactly nice.

Did you tell him?

MiniTheMinx Sun 01-Oct-17 09:40:18

Each to their own. You are not compatible. Not much point in having a repeat performance. You can't teach old dogs new tricks.

I'm always a bit miffed. I have always been fairly intuitive. I can tell by the way a man touches me, and by that I mean casual touches like whether and where he places his hand if he opens the door for me, or guides me through a crowd of people, by body language, the way he sits, the way he takes my hand, the way he kisses, and the way he communicates long before my clothes drop off. If he isn't confident, assertive, firm in his touch, and dominant I'm switched off, I particularly dislike wishy washy, unsure, shy, furtive and overly sentimental, but again each to their own. So don't put yourself or him in this predicament again, you'll find perfection elsewhere as will he.

Unless you want more shit sex with the non-compatible not much point giving his performance a post-mortem either.

Sparkletastic Sun 01-Oct-17 09:54:25

Oh god he sounds utterly crap. I think it’s a really bad sign if he’s reached middle age persisting with dreadful ‘techniques’ like those you mention. I would end it. I can’t imagine you could muster any enthusiasm for a repeat performance anyway.

GreekYoghurts Sun 01-Oct-17 15:30:09

I fancied him desperately. He really is my 'type'. We'd had some physical contact before, briefly (years ago), great kissing, then he went one way and I went another. This time it was all supposed to be great (phone sex beforehand too.) We were really into each other. But it was all about genitalia it seemed. He's also pretty well endowed and I needed to take it slowly.

Yes, the long term girlfriends are true- I knew him at the time.

I just wanted to know how it sounded to other women.

OP’s posts: |
Comekittykitty Wed 11-Oct-17 20:17:07

I second it seems you are slightly mismatched in bed. Not helped by the fact that you did not outright correct him.

For me this would be 💯 🙌 as I love it that way but I understand that it's not for everyone. On the basis of you getting on we'll otherwise I'd give it another go and before you actually do the deed but are in bed kissing just speak to him. Say: I really need you to be gentle with me, I need to be honest with you, my nipples are sensitive and I want to enjoy you...etc

Josuk Thu 12-Oct-17 00:12:06

I agree with Comekitty - if I were you - and on a basic personal level you got along and liked each other - and there is attraction - why not try again but with open and honest comminication.

The way he went for it might have worked with some women. A lot of it works for me - especially when i am very into the man.

So - tell him how you like it. Show him, in case he doesn’t understand.
Just because he’s been around doesn’t mean he can read your mind.
All women are different.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 13-Oct-17 19:39:06

Ugh. He sounds dreadful. Your 2 options are to either tell him what works for you and what doesn't or you dump him.

mogulfield Fri 13-Oct-17 19:43:32

Men who play the field are shit in bed because men learn how to do it properly from a relationship. I had high hopes of sex with a guy who’d slept with a few women and he was similar to your experience. Just sort of banged away confused like that would be the best thing ever. I don’t think he’d heard of a clitoris.
If you think you can teach him and really like him then worth persevering?

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