This is going to be looong. I feel a bit guilty for posting this about him. I will say that we are both tired with kids and he does shift work but I think it goes deeper than the stresses of a young family.
I sometimes think that my sex drive is just higher than his. He has kind of admitted this in the past. I hardly request sex now but it's more that I've been put off it than naturally wanting it less. I certainly seem to think about it more than him. When we do have sex, it's like he can't read me at all. And I can't read him. Sometimes it's ok but I can't tell what he thinks of it or why it was better. He makes no noises during sex and wouldn't ever talk or tell me what he'd like me to do. I sometimes ask outright because I'm unsure whether it's working or not but he will just give polite answers. We're married for gods sake! I don't want this to be it forever. I think he really struggles to take himself seriously which is why it's so difficult for him. He finds it all a bit embarrassing. He seems to lack confidence so I have to tread very carefully if I ever bring it up. He's generally fairly unconfident and not great at communicating.
It sounds odd but we actually started off as fuck buddies. Back then he was coming over to my house for sex every night, so he must actually like it! I found it a bit awkward at times and realised he was quite inexperienced but I really liked him and liked the sex anyway and thought it would improve. It hurts me that he doesn't connect with me in this way. He can't even use words to describe our genitals unless they're kind of silly, jokey ones. When we've both been a bit drunk, we've had some great sex, I think because he's been less inhibited. I used to be so much more confident and this has sapped my confidence and made me feel rejected and shit. I strongly suspect that he was a virgin when we first got together so I should have taken the lead a bit more and I didn't.
As far as physical things go, there are a couple of things that bother me. His breath is absolutely horrendous most of the time. I don't love big sloppy kisses, but I do still like to kiss and I can't bring myself to because his mouth tastes vile. I've tried to tactfully say stuff and have now outright said there is something wrong with your teeth and you need to go to the dentist because your breath smells bad all the time. It's blatantly obvious that there's something wrong with his teeth but he's not even made an appointment. It is hopefully something which can be sorted though. Another is that his foreskin is too tight. I've also mentioned this a few times and tried to talk about how he could loosen it up a bit but he just shuts it down. It's very frustrating. If I'm handling his penis and pull the foreskin back, it gets stuck behind the head and I get concerned about that so it puts me off. I told him that that's not usual in my experience, but he took it as me comparing him to other men and won't really discuss it any more. I suppose I was comparing him to other men, but only because he hasn't handled any other willes so he wouldn't know! He seems to like it when only the tip is going in and out and I sometimes wonder whether it's because there isn't much movement in his foreskin. I can barely feel anything when he does that and I want him to be fully inside me. I want to feel like he actually wants me, which I don't think is that crazy.
I'm not sure he would have any physical complaints about me. It sounds big headed but I am attractive, more so than him. Obviously I think he is absolutely gorgeous but other people are sometimes surprised to find out that I am his wife. Possibly not just a physical looks thing, but because he also comes across as so uncofident. He doesn't like going down on me but won't admit it. I brought up the idea of sitting on his face last week and he looked a bit grossed out. We've obviously never done that. It sounds odd but I'm sure he would like a lot of stuff but can't bring himself to admit it to me so he just acts all polite and prudish about it. We are generally very jokey and don't take ourselves too seriously but I'm not happy for our sex life to be that way. It takes him ages to admit that he would like to try something sexual and he never starts the discussion.
I'm not even thirty yet and I feel so frustrated. I think he does like sex but is too embarrassed to properly let go and get into it, and that's now knocked my confidence too. I don't want polite sex forever. I want hot dirty filthy sex and to feel wanted, while he's there jumping up to wash his hands as soon as we've finished He even holds out any fingers that might have been inside me so as not to touch anything with them. I told him that it makes me feel like he thinks he's got some sort of toxic waste on his fingers. What on earth can I do?
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Sex life is crap and I'm not connecting with my husband. It makes me sad :(
24 replies
DingleDangleSun · 25/09/2017 16:36
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