Does it sound like my partner is addicted to porn?

(13 Posts)
Pandoraphile Sun 24-Sep-17 15:48:05

I'm going crazy over thinking this so I thought you vipers might give my head a wobble.

Reasons why I think he may be heavily dependant on porn, if not actually addicted:

- he doesn't watch it at home (afaik) but he works away a lot and he watches it once/twice a day from what he says.
- he very, very rarely masturbates without porn.
- he's secretive about it even though he knows it upsets me
- he struggles to come during sex unless I'm using my hands. Normal intercourse and blowjobs basically stand no chance. He does finish inside me sometimes but only after an age of trying or unless I'm on top. Whichever way, it takes him a long time to come.

He's been single for much of the last six years so I imagine he used porn a lot then but he lied to me about it at the beginning of the relationship.

This is now causing real problems in our relationship and I'd be very grateful for some outside opinions.

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MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 15:50:21

It sounds like he's suffering from Death Grip, yes.

allegretto Sun 24-Sep-17 15:51:27

If it's causing problems and he can't stop, then it sounds like an addiction.

Pandoraphile Sun 24-Sep-17 15:56:07

Brilliant - I did say that to him at the beginning of our relationship and he googled it and said he disagreed. Obviously I didn't push it further....

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Pandoraphile Sun 24-Sep-17 15:58:53

alle - that's the thing. He KNOWS it causes issues and yet not once has he offered to stop watching it. If the tables were turned then I definitely would.

Just for the record - I actually have no issue with my partners watching porn (past partners I meant! Not multiple).
This just feels wrong to me. Subversive, almost. And he refuses to engage.

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Pandoraphile Sun 24-Sep-17 17:05:20

Anyone else been through similar??

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BartholinsSister Sun 24-Sep-17 20:20:26

I've heard of a few people who struggle to orgasm via PIV. As long as you are being satisfied, does it matter how he climaxes?

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Pandoraphile Mon 25-Sep-17 00:41:42

Well yes it does. I've never had a partner who struggles to come during sex. And from speaking to friends, it's uncommon. And makes me feel like shit.

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HarmlessChap Mon 25-Sep-17 13:59:55

It's called delayed ejaculation, it can be porn/death grip related but there can be many other reasons too.

haveacupoftea Tue 26-Sep-17 12:24:41

To be honest I think most men masturbate to porn pretty much every time they masturbate. And of course he will be secretive about it, masturbation is private. Especially if it upsets you.

You seem to have decided that porn is definitely the reason that he can't climax during sex but I think should consider that it could be for other reasons.

Partners of porn addicts often report their partner getting up in the night to watch porn, finding it on their computer etc etc

Pandoraphile Tue 26-Sep-17 18:25:24

Oh it's definitely on his computer, heaps of it. All set up to run through the tv (at work). And he has erotic books stored as well for the times that the internet isn't available.

And if he wakes in the night he will use it as a means of getting back to sleep.

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oscareyeballs Thu 28-Sep-17 13:40:59

It does sound like he is addicted to porn.

Have a look at the following places for more information about it.

A guy explains his addiction to porn, the effects and how he overcame it:
www.wbur.org/dearsugar/2016/12/16/dear-sugar-episode-eighty

yourbrainonporn.com

Reddit forum with guys/girls and partners struggling with PA
www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/

Pandoraphile Fri 29-Sep-17 13:48:26

Thank you Oscar x

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