Surely I should have some sort of libido at 27?

(12 Posts)
FrostedFlaakes Fri 11-Aug-17 20:15:25

I am really sad and frustrated with this. It's been going on for a long time.

I am 27, have been with DP for 8 years, we have a 3 year old who is generally an angel so no issues there. I love DP so much. He is a fabulous man and we very rarely argue about anything. I still find him very attractive and he's just generally amazing.

The only issue in our relationship is my lack of sex drive. It's really getting me down and I feel awful for DP who never makes an issue of it, but I know he's not happy about it either.

Currently we have sex about once a month. At the start of our relationship we were at it constantly (which I know always happens!). I had a period of around 4 years where i was having massive anxiety/depression issues which were caused by hormonal contraception, but I wasn't aware this was the cause at the time. During this period we were still doing it around 2/3 times a week which is the kind of level I'd like to get back to. When I was pregnant I wanted sex daily but then once I'd given birth I was never in the mood and it's still the same 3 years later.

I am only 27, and DP is 29, and I feel like I should still be wanting to have sex with him a lot. When we do have sex, I do get in to it and really enjoy it but he always initiates it and it takes me ages to get turned on. In day to day life, I just don't get horny whatsoever. It's like my sexual side is just dead.

We have tried buying toys etc, and I wear sexy underwear and stuff but I just still feel totally flat about it.

Has anyone else had this issue and managed to overcome it? We honestly have such a great relationship and I want to sort out this one issue before it's too late.

Can anyone please help?

OP’s posts: |
Brahms3rdracket Fri 11-Aug-17 20:48:19

Everyone has periods like this, especially when the kids are young. You mentioned your contraceptive pill before affecting you but didn't say if you're still on it. My mini pill made me moody, depressed and kikked my libido and previously anti depressants did similar. Could this be an issue for you?

FrostedFlaakes Fri 11-Aug-17 20:51:06

Sorry forgot to add that I can't take hormonal contraception at all now so have the copper coil. I appreciate your reply though smile

OP’s posts: |
Lovemusic33 Fri 11-Aug-17 20:57:02

My sex drive was almost zero at 27, I had dc's in my early 20's and just went right off of sex after. In the end I split with dh (not just for the lac of sex but it didn't help). I'm now 35 and my sex drive is higher than it's ever been.

FrostedFlaakes Fri 11-Aug-17 21:04:02

Oh I really hope mine returns too! I've been scouring the internet to see if there's any supplements I can take to boost it but they all just look useless when you look in to them.

DP is great and doesn't mention it but we acknowledge it's an issue and we would like to do it more. I am just worried that it might get to a point where it becomes a big thing and starts to ruin what we have, if that makes sense?

OP’s posts: |
Brahms3rdracket Fri 11-Aug-17 23:00:57

Try vitamin b complex and I recently heard vitamin e can help, although I haven't tried that one.

Don't worry though, it'll come back, my forties have been sensational so far.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 12-Aug-17 12:48:33

You should have your testosterone levels checked. If they are low, your sex drive really suffers.


FrostedFlaakes Sat 12-Aug-17 17:44:08

I did read that about testosterone levels but how do you even get them checked? I feel stupid going to the doctors for it! Also saw about vit B so I'll give it a try. Thanks for the replies smile

OP’s posts: |
PaperdollCartoon Sat 12-Aug-17 17:47:56

You can get them checked with a blood test.

You might find if you make the effort even when you're not 100% up to it, you'll find you get into it. Plus the more you have the more you generally want because it gets your hormones going and then your body wants more (or some actual science that's something like that)

Aquamarine1029 Sat 12-Aug-17 17:54:17

The only stupid thing you could do is NOT go to a doctor about this. Your sexuality is a critical part of your life, never mind the devastating effect a lack of sex drive has on a marriage. Take control and get this sorted as soon as possible.

HerOtherHalf Tue 15-Aug-17 10:32:52

I did read that about testosterone levels but how do you even get them checked? I feel stupid going to the doctors for it!

You can get blood tests done privately - I've used in the past and had good service from them. Some tests can be done with a fingerprick blood sample which you do yourself, others require a syringe drawn sample and they'll hook you up with a local healthcare professional to take that. However, getting the blood tests is the easy part. You need to know what you want tested, how to make sense of the results and what to do by way of treatment or supplementation. So the option is there but I would highly recommend you park it as a last resort for now and speak to your GP.

NotTheFordType Wed 16-Aug-17 16:35:19

Are you on anti-depressants at all? You mentioned you had been depressed previously and some SSRIs are renowned for killing libido.

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