Sex after shoulder dystocia 2nd degree tear and episiotomy? Only those who been through birth trauma please? Thanks

(28 Posts)
harvester77 Fri 11-Aug-17 07:21:34

5 weeks ago today I had my 3rd baby. He got stuck and doctors rushed in to pull him out and I had hands inside me tugging and pulling. It hurt like after and I ended up 2nd degree tear and episiotomy. It's healing well and by last week I felt better so we tried anal and it was fine but that night my vagina felt like it had been kicked and aches. We tried again last night but we stopped again vagina feels sore. We haven't even attempted intercourse yet and have my 6 week check next week. Anyone how long after all this did you have sex?

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Batoutahell Fri 11-Aug-17 07:29:51

I didn't have shoulder issue but did have forceps, episiotomy etc. It was well after 6 weeks to be honest. You've just been through a major trauma. I don't think I've ever been the same (though have had 2 babies since) and feel I'm left with a minor prolapse but sex was fine after about 8-10 weeks. I had some serious infections they gave me at the hospital though which impacted my episiotomy recovery.

Take it easy, there's no mad rush. Your back passage by the way takes a serious beating too so it's not all about vaginal recovery. Internal tears and muscle strain etc.

If you're still having problems after 6 months I'd go see a specialist.

ReinettePompadour Fri 11-Aug-17 07:30:30

About 18 months. It was too painful before then and the 1 time we tried I teared and struggled to stop the bleeding so made the decision absolutely no sex until 100% healed. I also had to deal with infections where my stitched came undone and the antibiotics didn't work. It was a very long process but its fine now.

Dont feel pressured into sex too soon. You really don't want to be more damaged down there than you already are. It will take a while to heal.

fessmess Fri 11-Aug-17 07:31:46

Are you for real? 😲 I had a fourth degree tear and couldn't even contemplate dtd until two months after. To be honest sex hurt and was just bearable for weeks and weeks. We tried every few weeks to have penetrative vaginal sex and it slowly got better. Some mutual masturbation. Being tired it wasn't an issue. After about 9 months I came for first time and cried. I have no lasting problems. Good luck.

harvester77 Fri 11-Aug-17 09:35:54

Thanks for replies. I'm sorry fessmess you had a 4th degree tear I didn't and the midwife said it's awful and no one would ever want a 4th degree tear ( erm yeah I knew that) i got off lightly apparently. No infections And checked weekly no but I think muscles etc are still healing so will leave off for a bit. I had same tests and episiotomy with my daughter but was on my own so.no attempts at sex! My other half is good but he tries and I personally could no so sex for a while yet. I may try in couple more weeks though. Thanks for advice and no judgements.

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AnyFucker Fri 11-Aug-17 09:41:41

What's the rush ? confused

harvester77 Fri 11-Aug-17 09:42:42

None of your business when i feel like doing it. ^^

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AnyFucker Fri 11-Aug-17 09:46:29

Your life, your traumatised pelvic floor <shrug>

Medical advice would be to wait until the area is healed. So it would be sensible not to rush into it.

Manupprincess Fri 11-Aug-17 09:52:31

About 3 - 4 months. I had an episiotomy, managed well but I needed to let it heal. It's major trauma and if you want a quick recovery then you need to do the right things. You wouldn't try to run on a broken leg, nature needs to take it's course. Short term pain for long term gain.

herethereandeverywhere Fri 11-Aug-17 10:03:26

Almost 2 years. And then I didn't enjoy it, just wanted to get it over with.

mirime Fri 11-Aug-17 16:22:43

Third degree tear and episiotomy here, all healed up fine, no infection or anything but it was a couple of months before we tried at all and another few months of being very gentle and stopping if I got sore before things went back to normal.

MrsBungle Fri 11-Aug-17 16:26:34

My birth sounds similar to yours. We waited 9 months. Sex was the absolute furthest thing from my mind at the 6w check, I wasn't even nearly healed.

NerrSnerr Fri 11-Aug-17 16:27:46

We tried at about 6 months and it was too painful, it started to improve closer to a year.

Farmerswife4life1984 Fri 11-Aug-17 16:29:31

I had 4th degree tear and didn't days till 6 months . You need to let your body heal . Pain is your body's way of telling you it's not yet healed and needs more time

Anecdoche Fri 11-Aug-17 17:29:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anecdoche Fri 11-Aug-17 17:30:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreyCloudsToday Sat 12-Aug-17 22:21:30

I had a 2nd degree tear, and tried to have sex at 6 weeks but it was awful. It was much better after 4 months, and has now healed nicely. I still have a bit of pain / weird sensation when we do positions that stretch the perineum. It's good to make sure you take iron as it's much harder to heal without it. I'm so sorry you had the trauma of shoulder dystocia.

OrphanAccount Sat 12-Aug-17 22:24:04

I didn't attempt sex until I felt confident that I'd healed completely. I didn't want to risk making things worse. Think it was about 5 months afterwards that everything felt 'normal' again.

Salva Sun 13-Aug-17 13:05:00

At least 2 months before trying, and still couldn't enjoy it. Gp checked scar at 6 months post birth and said all is fine, but honestly took 2-3years until I couldn't feel it.

MagdalenLaundry Sun 13-Aug-17 13:08:08

12 months but I had been back in hospital for scar tissue removal

NoMudNoLotus Sun 13-Aug-17 13:29:24

I agree with AF.

I sometimes wonder if these women who talk about engaging in sex so soon after birth are looking for a certificate.

AnyFucker Sun 13-Aug-17 17:01:28

I mainly worry about if these women are coerced into penetrative acts that hurt and damage them further after the horrors of a traumatic birth

I really can't see how they get anything out of potentially tearing sensitive and swollen tissues other than pleasimg their man

Cue: lots of women who insist they were back in the saddle 2 hours after delivering twins

I once worked on a maternity ward where a pair of shaggers had to be separated for the comfort of the other post partum women. The female had given birth that same day.

calmanban Sun 13-Aug-17 17:04:46

2nd degree tear. We waited until 9 weeks... it wasn't painful exactly but I could feel 'rubbing' on the area. Ds is now 9 months and we've bothered exactly twice since then... back to normal but we are both shattered.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Sun 13-Aug-17 17:25:50

I had the same as you in my first birth, 3rd degree tears, epi and DS had shoulder dystocia.

We tried sex after six weeks and it was too painful to continue. I pressurised dh to try because I was worried I'd never be able to again, but it was a mistake as I wasn't fully healed.

We didn't try it again until about ten or twelve weeks post partum, it was much better then as I'd healed up. We've had another two children since and have a good sex life, you just need to avoid penetrative sex until you have fully healed otherwise it will be painful and could put you off in the future.

MamaHanji Sun 13-Aug-17 18:09:04

About 20 weeks. I was too terrified to do it before hand! I had a second degree tear and 8 months on, my perineum is still sore after sex and during sex if the position is off.

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