FWB - does it actually work ?

(25 Posts)
runningintothelight Thu 10-Aug-17 17:41:28


So after disastrous dates and being ghosted , I went back talking to this guy who wants just a FWB situation . So I went to his , dtd, stayed over and had a good time . I left with and I'm happy with the situation , but I'm just wondering does this ever work out long term ? I've never done just sex before and I'm a little worried eventually I'm going to get attached and hurt all over again.

OP’s posts: |
chestylarue52 Thu 10-Aug-17 21:19:22

You have to be clear what you want from it.

Do you just want sex, or intimacy as well?
Do you want exclusivity?
Why would you want something like this to 'work long term'? What does that mean to you?
How do you want the arrangement to work?

There are so, so many men out there looking for sex that whatever your answers are to the above questions, you can find what you want. You just have to work out what that is in the first place.

I'll give you an example of what works for me. I want sex but I don't want a relationship. But I do want someone who's willing to have a chat and a drink, and make sure I get home safe. That's all very achievable.

But Im not bothered about messaging during the day or 'what are u up to' or 'do you think about me when I'm not around' and if you are you might find the whole thing a bit harder. You have to be honest with yourself first about what your needs are, even if you wish you didn't feel that way.

Voice0fReason Thu 10-Aug-17 21:34:54

You are kidding yourself that you are happy with this situation. If you were happy with it, you wouldn't be posting with this question.
You want this to turn into something more - he doesn't - that's why this will never work for you.
Stop dating for a while, you don't have to date.

fwbormore Thu 10-Aug-17 23:17:08

6 months ago I'd have told you it works... yep you can have sex with no feelings. Well, erm blush.

I was in a fwb type situation (hence name) and for a while it really did work. Had sex once or twice a week for months and it was right for us both.

But (even though it wasn't what either of us were looking for) we ended up proper falling for each other. He's currently snoring away next to me grinwink

WiganPierre Thu 10-Aug-17 23:32:27

No. Agree with Voice0fReason. It's also very dangerous.

Ollivander84 Thu 10-Aug-17 23:36:12

Sometimes, sometimes not. I had a v long term FWB (17 years)

MooMooTheFirst Thu 10-Aug-17 23:38:14

My fwb is now downstairs watching tv, while I'm in bed knackered after trying to tire our 1.5 year old...


runningintothelight Fri 11-Aug-17 00:45:23

Some mixed replies here !

I don't know what I want , I just know right now I'm not myself so I'm just having fun . He's not my usual type so I'm not sure how this will play out/

OP’s posts: |
KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth Fri 11-Aug-17 02:07:15

I had an FWB situation. We are now married with a load of DC. grin

disneydatknee Fri 11-Aug-17 02:21:45

As long as neither of you have feelings for each other then yes, why not? When I was doing the whole dating thing and not really getting anywhere, I met someone who I had nothing in common with but met up with regularly just for sex. It suited me as I was long term single but didn't fancy tons of one night stands to keep me going. Eventually tapered off when I decided to date properly and he was fine with it. Most of the time in these situations it's the woman that gets funny about it ( as men tend not to attach too much emotion to sex). So as long as you see it as just sex...and you both understand it's only for a limited time only, then you should be fine.

TheNaze73 Fri 11-Aug-17 07:34:48

I actually think it can work if you want the same things.

You get the best of both worlds if you connect, great sex without the dull bits of a relationship. I do think there is a big difference between FWB (the emphasis on the friends bit) & being someone's booty call

bridgetoc Fri 11-Aug-17 13:57:57

Yes it can work, but it might not. Like everything else in life.

I'm married but also have a BF........ I'm fond of my BF. I'm very attracted to him, and he is amazing in bed, but our relationship is all about sex. Nothing else. The relationship I have with my DH is all about love.

It works very well for us, but might not for you?

DrMorbius Fri 11-Aug-17 16:14:18

bridgetoc does your DH know about your BF?

Redglitter Fri 11-Aug-17 16:23:01

I've had a FWB for over 5 years now. Works great but that's because we both want the same thing. We're good friends have a bit of contact via WhatsApp etc and see each other once a week

bridgetoc Fri 11-Aug-17 16:43:51

@DrMorbius......... My DH does know. When I say it works for us, I mean all four of us.

AlpacasPackOwls Fri 11-Aug-17 16:45:22

Another here married with DC to a fwb!

Lovemusic33 Fri 11-Aug-17 16:45:54

I think it often ends badly, it's hard not to end up having feeling of you are spending time with someone regularly, having sex and general chit chat with each other. I have gas several FWB and it's ended with one of us having feelings, I had to cut all contact with one recently after he got a bit too involved with my life which isn't what I wanted. I didn't have feelings for him in that way so I cut all contact and blocked him. Have had it the other way where I gave wanted more but they haven't. Men are great at making women feel good so we often get drawn in thinking that they have feelings for us when they don't.

DrMorbius Fri 11-Aug-17 21:16:44

@bridgetoc My DH does know. When I say it works for us, I mean all four of us

So in an average week, how many times do you have sex with your DH and how many times with your FWB?

Plus how do you know how your 4th wheel feels (your FWB's partner)?

Voice0fReason Fri 11-Aug-17 22:20:49

Having a FWB can work, but I can't see it working for the OP.

bridgetoc Sat 12-Aug-17 14:20:46

@DrMorbius...... Why do you want to know?

chestylarue52 Sun 13-Aug-17 08:00:03

Bridgetoc - its very typical of these sex topics not just on mumsnet but in real life:

Woman: oh we have this fwb/poly arrangement, we're happy
Other woman: fwb/poly arrangements never really work, it's not feasible
Original woman: it works for us, for 4 years we've been all happy, it's not without problems but we manage
Other woman: you're not really happy tho, one of you is miserable, these arrangements never work

Etc etc. Yawn. We can see from the relationship / sex boards that monogamous Hetero relationships are not without problems, it just depends on the people and the relationship. No one questions their existence tho.

WinchestersInATardis Sun 13-Aug-17 18:24:55

It can work but completely depends on the people involved. I've been happily doing sex-only with someone for well over a year now and neither of us has the desire to take it further.
A lot of people do struggle to keep feelings out of it though.

bridgetoc Sun 13-Aug-17 21:23:16

@chestylarue52........ Tell me about it. I find it best to let people believe what they want.

FittonTower Sat 26-Aug-17 12:14:20

In my 20s I didn't want a proper relationship but I did want sex. I had a number of FWB over the years, some worked well, some didn't, one I married. Depends on lots of factors.

runningintothelight Sun 27-Aug-17 15:23:10

It didn't work . He became too demanding and I didn't really want to put that much effort into just FWB.

Moving on.... haha

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in