Why can't I say no

[toomuchshit]

Last night I was out the back talking to my neighbour. He had in the past made comments by message but I thought it was just banter. Well last night he was asking to see my breasts. I kept saying no but he kept asking. I was saying it in a friendly way so he obviously though I was just joking or something. I ended up just agreeing to let him in and he started kissing me. I didn't push him away because I had got myself into this position. He took my top off and touched me. I just let him. I know next time he will want more and I don't know what to do. Saying no doesn't work. I found that out the hard way

[PaperdollCartoon]

Saying no should work. OP if you're not interested in this man tell him. Have you been raped before?

[toomuchshit]

Yeah. Im not interested. He has a wife and kids. He's my neighbour. It's shit

[Onemorewonthurt]

If you truly can't say no and mean it, try not to be around him or converse with him, he's only a neighbour afterall so not really necessary.

I struggle to understand how even knowing this man has a family you're ok with that happening?

He's vile

[toomuchshit]

Im not ok with it happening. I dont want it to happen

[WeAreEternal]

If you don't feel able to say no if he keeps badgering you as soon as he asks or tries to do anything say no and then walk away, by staying and continuing to engage in the conversation you are giving him the opportunity to 'talk you round'
Just say "no im not interested" and walk away.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Block his number and never be alone with him again. . If his wife finds out I bet he won't take the blame - and you have to live next door to them which won't be great then.

[toomuchshit]

I want to move. I dont want to be here anymore. I know its my fault. Im pathetic and weak.

[picklemepopcorn]

It's the fault of the abusive man who carries on pestering when you say no.

You are not pathetic and weak. You sound weary and disillusioned.

Here are some things you can do when he tries again: leave; tell him you aren't interested in men who have wives; tell him to piss off or you'll call his wife; scream.

[toomuchshit]

I am pathetic and weak. Those options are good but I know I couldn't do it. I am better off just not going out so I don't see him.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Next time have your phone on record and tell him very strongly you are keeping away from him and to leave you alone or you will tell his wife and the police he is a sex pest. If he continues then go to the police.

[differentnameforthis]

Police. He coerced you. Relenting isn't consenting.

[differentnameforthis]

He wore you down until you couldn't say no. That doesn't make YOU pathetic or weak.

he is pathetic.

[toomuchshit]

The police don't do anything. They can do what they like and get away with it.

[PurpleDaisies]

Have you reported him before? You don't know that they can't help until you ask them.

I agree he is the pathetic one here. I'd block his number and stay away from him as much as you can-he sounds awful.

[user1487175389]

Call the police and report his sexual assault and harassment.

[LiveLifeWithPassion]

Op you said no. You can do it.
Do you think you can do it in a non friendly way and then just walk away?

[toomuchshit]

Nothing got done when I was actually raped they won't do anything when I was groped and I let him

[WeAreEternal]

You are not pathetic and weak.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Anyone that can offer support and help you build up the confidence to say no and ignore this man?

I think you best bet is to avoid any contact at all with him.

[toomuchshit]

I don't have anyone. Nobody would believe me anyway. I told my mum my step dad had been really inappropriate and she flat out said she didn't believe me.
Its obviously something about me because this keeps happening

[picklemepopcorn]

I think you might find women's aid or rape crisis helpful.
You are not to blame, and you may find some advice and strategies to help you.

[RebelRogue]

Have you had any counselling for everything you went through? Do you think you'd be able to (at first) block him on your phone? Take small steps and avoid him.
Do you have any close friends or family with whom you can talk to? Get support and even intervene on your behalf?
Ring rape crisis if you haven't done so previously. They'll listen,and more importantly they'll believe you.

I believe you

[toomuchshit]

I don't have anyone. My relationship ended recently and he was the only person I could talk to. It wouldn't be fair to talk to him about this. I get therapy and im due going on thursday so will talk to her about it. I called breathing space last night after it happened. She just advised I talk to my therapist and try to sleep.

[picklemepopcorn]

That's good. You shouldn't need strategies to protect yourself from people like him. Unfortunately there are some who will try it on and push and push until they find someone who can't push back hard enough.

I know it isn't strictly relevent, but could you join a class for something like judo, kick boxing etc? I do t mean because you should be able to beat him up, obviously!! Just that those kinds of activities can get you used to touch, challenge and confrontation in a safe space.

[picklemepopcorn]

Sorry, good about having a therapist.

[differentnameforthis]

Op, you let him because he coerced and hounded you. You consented because you had no choice. That is NOT consent!!!