Why can't I say no

(72 Posts)
toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 10:14:34

Last night I was out the back talking to my neighbour. He had in the past made comments by message but I thought it was just banter. Well last night he was asking to see my breasts. I kept saying no but he kept asking. I was saying it in a friendly way so he obviously though I was just joking or something. I ended up just agreeing to let him in and he started kissing me. I didn't push him away because I had got myself into this position. He took my top off and touched me. I just let him. I know next time he will want more and I don't know what to do. Saying no doesn't work. I found that out the hard way

OP’s posts: |
PaperdollCartoon Sun 18-Jun-17 10:16:20

Saying no should work. OP if you're not interested in this man tell him. Have you been raped before?

toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 10:18:30

Yeah. Im not interested. He has a wife and kids. He's my neighbour. It's shit

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Onemorewonthurt Sun 18-Jun-17 10:23:17

If you truly can't say no and mean it, try not to be around him or converse with him, he's only a neighbour afterall so not really necessary.

I struggle to understand how even knowing this man has a family you're ok with that happening?

He's vile

toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 10:24:30

Im not ok with it happening. I dont want it to happen

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WeAreEternal Sun 18-Jun-17 10:25:31

If you don't feel able to say no if he keeps badgering you as soon as he asks or tries to do anything say no and then walk away, by staying and continuing to engage in the conversation you are giving him the opportunity to 'talk you round'
Just say "no im not interested" and walk away.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 18-Jun-17 10:26:04

Block his number and never be alone with him again. . If his wife finds out I bet he won't take the blame - and you have to live next door to them which won't be great then.

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toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 10:28:44

I want to move. I dont want to be here anymore. I know its my fault. Im pathetic and weak.

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picklemepopcorn Sun 18-Jun-17 10:42:16

It's the fault of the abusive man who carries on pestering when you say no.

You are not pathetic and weak. You sound weary and disillusioned.

Here are some things you can do when he tries again: leave; tell him you aren't interested in men who have wives; tell him to piss off or you'll call his wife; scream.

toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 10:44:55

I am pathetic and weak. Those options are good but I know I couldn't do it. I am better off just not going out so I don't see him.

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Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 18-Jun-17 10:47:38

Next time have your phone on record and tell him very strongly you are keeping away from him and to leave you alone or you will tell his wife and the police he is a sex pest. If he continues then go to the police.

differentnameforthis Sun 18-Jun-17 10:48:03

Police. He coerced you. Relenting isn't consenting.

differentnameforthis Sun 18-Jun-17 10:48:47

He wore you down until you couldn't say no. That doesn't make YOU pathetic or weak.

he is pathetic.

toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 10:51:11

The police don't do anything. They can do what they like and get away with it.

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PurpleDaisies Sun 18-Jun-17 10:52:55

Have you reported him before? You don't know that they can't help until you ask them.

I agree he is the pathetic one here. I'd block his number and stay away from him as much as you can-he sounds awful.

user1487175389 Sun 18-Jun-17 10:54:10

Call the police and report his sexual assault and harassment.

LiveLifeWithPassion Sun 18-Jun-17 10:55:08

Op you said no. You can do it.
Do you think you can do it in a non friendly way and then just walk away?

toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 10:55:41

Nothing got done when I was actually raped they won't do anything when I was groped and I let him

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WeAreEternal Sun 18-Jun-17 11:07:01

You are not pathetic and weak.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Anyone that can offer support and help you build up the confidence to say no and ignore this man?

I think you best bet is to avoid any contact at all with him.

toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 11:11:25

I don't have anyone. Nobody would believe me anyway. I told my mum my step dad had been really inappropriate and she flat out said she didn't believe me.
Its obviously something about me because this keeps happening

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picklemepopcorn Sun 18-Jun-17 11:15:39

I think you might find women's aid or rape crisis helpful.
You are not to blame, and you may find some advice and strategies to help you.

RebelRogue Sun 18-Jun-17 11:17:35

Have you had any counselling for everything you went through? Do you think you'd be able to (at first) block him on your phone? Take small steps and avoid him.
Do you have any close friends or family with whom you can talk to? Get support and even intervene on your behalf?
Ring rape crisis if you haven't done so previously. They'll listen,and more importantly they'll believe you.

I believe you flowers

toomuchshit Sun 18-Jun-17 11:23:20

I don't have anyone. My relationship ended recently and he was the only person I could talk to. It wouldn't be fair to talk to him about this. I get therapy and im due going on thursday so will talk to her about it. I called breathing space last night after it happened. She just advised I talk to my therapist and try to sleep.

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picklemepopcorn Sun 18-Jun-17 12:20:50

That's good. You shouldn't need strategies to protect yourself from people like him. Unfortunately there are some who will try it on and push and push until they find someone who can't push back hard enough.

I know it isn't strictly relevent, but could you join a class for something like judo, kick boxing etc? I do t mean because you should be able to beat him up, obviously!! Just that those kinds of activities can get you used to touch, challenge and confrontation in a safe space.

picklemepopcorn Sun 18-Jun-17 12:21:15

Sorry, good about having a therapist.

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