Tell me about your experiences with a couples sex therapist

[FusionChefGeoff]

Me and DH have gone massively off the boil and I'd love to do something about it. I get very shy / embarrassed during sex and find it hard to relax / enjoy it. But I want to!! So I was thinking about some couples sex therapy but I don't know where to start or what to expect.

Anyone like to share their experiences so I can learn a bit more and help me to research my own options?

[andpeggy29]

Seek out the charity relate. They are brilliant for this stuff. Me and my dh went there and it helped us sort things out. Despite my oh being super shy and uncomfortable there, and not liking the particular therapist much.

[noego]

Do research on Tantric sex. You can discover each other and at the same time be partly dressed if you wish, DTD not always on the agenda during a tantric session. It is more about exploring each other intimately and building up that intimacy.

[ordinaryman]

How does Relate (or similar) counselling / sex therapy actually work in practice? ie: do you all sit and discuss together (counsellor, husband and wife) or do husband and wife go off separately with their own counsellor?

[FusionChefGeoff]

Thanks everyone - yes I am also interested in the actual format etc of couples therapy - and also how long I can expect it to last etc. Would be great if anyone can share

[noego]

Have PM'ed you.

[FusionChefGeoff]

Thanks noego - will need to try to log into full site to pick it up!

[Isadora2007]

Not Relate but similar organisation. We have an initial appt with a non-counsellor for information gathering- what the situation is, your work, family, previous issues etc. What you're coming to counselling for and what you'd like to achieve etc. Then if things are quite straightforward e.g. No domestic abuse, previous issues for either of you then you'd be seen as a couple for 6-12 weeks. If there was an issue e.g. Previous sexual abuse of one of you as a child then you would be offered one/two individual appt each to decide if couple work was suitable for you or if individual work was best.
Again 6-12 weeks is standard here. If you're both able and willing to discuss sex you should be fine being seen as a couple and the work will focus on what you do currently and how that could change for the better to improve your sex life pretty much. It will help identify why you're where you are and what you can do next.
Good luck.

[ordinaryman]

Thanks @Isadora2007 - My wife can barely bring herself to say "sex" (and even then it's in whispered tones like Miranda Hart! :) ) so I really don't think being in the same room for this (initially at least) would be good.

She also ignores / denies there is a problem and it's only me ever raises it, so the 'why are you here?' bit would be pretty short from her point of view, whilst I have a list as long as my arm (quite literally). I don't think that would be the best of starts for sorting things out.

PS: sorry if I'm derailing your thread OP. Just say the word and I'll take it to a separate post.