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Is it me?(6 Posts)
So. I NC for this - background for context - I have an 8 year old child from my ex fiancé. I am bi-sexual and in my life have had girlfriends as well as boyfriends. Since my ex I haven't really wanted to get involved with men again even though I still find them attractive. My longest relationship (my only one) since having my daughter was 8 months and I keep my romantic life separate from my daughter. Not sure many of that is relevant to my question though.
About 9 months ago I met a girl on POF and started dating. It's a LTR as we live about an hour apart so we usually see each other every two weeks although depending on circumstances it might be more.
When we first met we would have sex every night for the weekend we were together, sometimes initiated by her sometimes by me.
I don't think she has the highest sex drive - before me she hadn't had sex for 5 years not through choice and she definately missed it, she'd been single for so long and seemed quite into it when together and seemed to enjoy it.
Lately when we see each other after a period apart she doesn't seem interested in sex so we don't have it or maybe just once over a period of 3 days and usually on the last night. Normally that wouldn't bother me as that can be seen as frequent but we've only been exclusively together for 6 months, (9 months dating) and see each other so rarely. Surely there should be more of a desire to have sex bearing in mind the following - that you've been apart for a while, that you're in the early throes of a relationship and given we had a lot of sex at the very beginning.
I do make moves but as soon as I see she's not interested I let it go but it's starting to hit my confidence a bit.
Classic example is this week, we haven't seen each other for 2-3 weeks and she is here for the long bank holiday weekend. After this weekend due to upcoming events holidays etc we won't he seeing each other for a month. She hasn't been interested in sex on either evenings so far or mornings , daytime etc. She goes to bed when she's shattered so as soon as her head hits the pillow she makes it clear she is knackered. I don't push it. Last night I actually asked her why she doesn't want to have sex anymore. She said she just isn't in the mood. I did say this is what you kinda expect a year or two into a relationship but not after 6 months and she just said it's happened early for us then.
I feel like a dirty old man when I write this lol but it's not so much the sex that is bothering me but I am a worrier and a thinker and I'm starting to think of possible explanations. The only two I could come up with are she doesn't find me sexually attractive or the sex is not good for her. I am very self conscious as it is. It kills my desire to have sex with her because I feel she doesn't really want it.
I haven't pushed it, I just am a bit confused given how it was for us at a few months ago.
Am I being a twat? Prepared to be told that.
Thanks for reading xx
Call it a day.
It's perfectly valid to expect sex from a relationship. And sex is one of your needs. If this relationship isn't providing for that need, what are you getting from it?
I doubt it's suddenly going to get better, so my advice is decide it isn't working for you and call it off.
At six months and after you have been apart for so long this does sound a little passionless. My BF and I are apart for a week at a time at the min and we are tearing clothes off the moment I get through the door!
I think you need to think seriously about this one. It doesn't sound like you are a good match and it won't get better.
If you are happy being in a relationship having sex once a month or so, continue with this one if everything else is great. If not, I would end it now due to different sex drives, it will only get less and less the longer you are together, it most certainly will not increase.
It looks like you have a choice to make.
Thanks guys. I agree with you. I don't mind not having frequent sex if I understood the reasons, as frustrating as it might be.
I'm going to give this til the summer (I've booked time off with her) and see how things go as truth be told there are other small issues creeping in and I'm not sure that we are right for each other.
Thanks again x
Good luck. It's hard to decide, but I have learnt from the wise people on here through the years, that people's sex drives don't dramatically change. (After the initial lusty bit)