Hi, sorry this could be a long post but please can anyone help?
Hoping to find someone (anyone) out there who can advise me or offer some help with my situation. I think it's really unusual and would appreciate any words of wisdom.
Have been with my OH (now husband) for 10 years and married nearly 4, we are in our late 20s. Sex has never been a huge part of our relationship - I had body insecurities when I was younger and overweight so never really was wild for sex, and we have always been the kind of couple who do more kissing and cuddling than anything else.
Anyway, to the point. I knew from early on that he had a small willy and I was ok with that, we managed to have sex a handful of times at the start of our relationship but because we were both virgins I guess I would find it hard to have rated whether it was good or bad. However, what I hadn't known until much later on in the relationship and marriage was what a big deal this was for him I guess both physically and psychologically. He would never bring up the subject himself but whenever I force the issue it is obvious what an impact it has on him. He now seems to be unable to perform - he can get a hard on but loses it the instant we try to have sex or even if I try to give him a hand job. He will never initiate anything sexual and I now feel that it puts him under huge pressure if I try to. So I rarely do.
I know it seems insane that this has been going on all these years, but I have stupidly let time pass by and only recently tried to confront him about it properly because I have been worried to upset him. In our 10 year relationship we have not had penetrative sex AT ALL since 2009 (which was a failed attempt). I really mean it when I say I love him very dearly....... is this worth ending a relationship over? On the one hand it is a huge issue, on the other hand we have got this far?
The added concern now is that we are both keen to start a family. I have asked him if he will see a doctor about his penis (which is extremely small - like a medical problem I would say). Initially through tears he agreed but then did not do anything about it. I can understand how hugely embarrassing this would be for him an he says he doesnt think there would be anything that they could do for him anyway, but I selfishly wish he would try. He has agreed to go to the doctors after we have been "trying for a baby"!!!!!! for a year (I came off the pill last summer). we can then get through the questions (ie lie and say we are having regular sex) and then hopefully eventually get to have IVF so that we can finally achieve our dream of starting a family.
Am I mad to be over-worrying about this scenario, or am I mad to be in this relationship and should I ignore all the things I love about him because of this one problem which is a physical thing and not even his fault in the slightest? Can our otherwise great marriage end over this weird problem?
I feel so alone with this as I cant obviously tell a soul so any advice would be appreciated. Has anyone possibly been in this situation themselves?
Thanks guys. X
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18 replies
pinkandpinot · 22/03/2017 23:05
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itsmine ·
23/03/2017 10:34
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