Drier than the Sahara desert..

(14 Posts)
dogloverxoxo Sun 30-Oct-16 22:07:56

first post sorry for any mistakes and length I am only 23, been with my partner for 4 years. We don't live together yet and only see each other 1-2 times per week due to work/commute ect and obviously I want to enjoy our limited time but I'm already at the point where I dread sex.. not because I don't enjoy dtd, I just don't get wet. blush

I'm not really a touchy person and foreplay is just uncomfortable and an annoyance to me because I know I'll barely get wet enough for sex. I used to be totally find getting ready for sex prior to partner and when we first dtd he used lube (first time for me) and we always have since then, I don't know if my body has now just become used to this and I just can't stimulate my own lubricant myself lol.

I get sore if we have sex for a while and I'm just not naturally wet, or I feel like we can't just have random sex whenever we feel like it because I know there's no lube about. (Don't think he's aware of my problem, I just say I can't be bothered if I'm aware there is not lube around).

He's an amazing partner and I love and fancy him to bits, and the sex itself it fantastic (altough I've never had an orgasm, but again this is due to my own problems with not enjoying foreplay ect but that's another thread altogether!!)

I have random bouts of horniness and wet (mostly when drunk) that allows for great sex with no lube ect I just wish that I could be like that all the time!!!

So my question is, is there anything I can do to reinstate my natural wetness and stimulate my sex drive?
How can I overcome my dislike for foreplay? (which I think would get better if I knew I'd get wet during)
And if you can help, do you have any suggestions for orgasm? halo

OP’s posts: |
AkimboLimbo Sun 30-Oct-16 23:38:01

I'm not entirely convinced you are being honest with yourself.
Sex is fantastic but you don't orgasm, you're getting sore, you don't enjoy foreplay and you are avoiding it because you don't get wet?
Why can't you talk to him about this? I have problems with lubrication so I use lube - problem solved.
There is more to this than a lack of lubrication.

HandyWoman Mon 31-Oct-16 06:51:01

Agree with Akimbo there is more going on here. You dread sex with him and you don't enjoy it, your body is capable of lubricating but doesn't. You aren't honest with him. I think if you fancy him then your relationship perhaps isn't as trusting as it needs to be. Is he your first partner? Have you had issues before? Is he an attentive lover? Does he actually do things you like? I think there might be more to this relationship-wise but if not then you perhaps need to be completely honest with your partner and get back to basics and find foreplay you do like.

GazingAtStars Mon 31-Oct-16 07:04:18

If you can get wet when you're drunk there's nothing wrong with your body. Doesn't sound like the sex you're having is that great if your partner can't turn you on enough to need lube. What about if you masturbate?

GazingAtStars Mon 31-Oct-16 07:08:01

What does the foreplay consist of as well? With my ex I'd start off super ready and since his idea of foreplay was sticking his fingers in and hammering away, I would dry up as I got more turned off so would eventually need lube. I did tell him what I liked but he was more interested in what he liked

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 31-Oct-16 07:16:50

I agree, doesn't sound very fantastic to me tbh.

McBassyPants Mon 31-Oct-16 12:20:28

I too was going to say what about if you masturbate? Do you get wet then?


Scotmum83 Mon 31-Oct-16 20:54:54

Are you on the pill? I had similar problems when I was in my early 20's which sorted itself out when I stoped taking the pill. It's worth trying coming off it for a while if it's really bothering you, it can also lower your sex drive too.

Believeitornot Mon 31-Oct-16 21:00:46

The fact that you dread sex with him would imply to me that you're not physically attracted to him...

MsMarvel Mon 31-Oct-16 21:07:42

Im similar. Struggle to get wet and generally always need to use lube with dp. Im 26.

But I know its a 'me' issue rather than a 'relationship' issue because I can orgasm (both through masrurbation and through foreplay) without getting overly wet at all. I could have an orgasm during foreplay and still need lube for actual PIV.

dogloverxoxo Sun 06-Nov-16 12:34:18

Hello sorry I didn't realise this post was active and I've just posted again, doh!

It is definitely not him, I am on the implant which I am getting removed tomorrow so I hope this solves the problem.

Dread is probably a severe word, I get nervous that if we are about to dtd and there's no lube about which we normally use.. I have never been a major foreplay person but could work on this to make it better smile

I don't masterbate so I don't know what really works for me and have no interest in masterbating so I guess it's trial and error.

Thanks for the helpful replies and no there's nothing wrong with my relationship bar the things I detailed.

OP’s posts: |
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 06-Nov-16 12:37:02

Tbh if you want to orgasm you need to get to know your body yourself and what you like and don't like.

bowtieandheels Sun 13-Nov-16 21:28:15

Coconut oil is a fantastic (and delicious) lube, I would get yourself a rampant rabbit and spend an afternoon having a play and getting to know what you like. I'd never orgasmed before I played with a vibrator, they're excellent for self discoveries and adventures!

WhyIsThereHariboInMyWine Tue 15-Nov-16 17:36:06

I don't masterbate so I don't know what really works for me and have no interest in masterbating so I guess it's trial and error.

Up until about 2/3 years ago I felt the same, never had an orgasm in my life and found masturbaing a pointless and offputting endeavour. One day something just clicked and my boyfriend persuaded me to give oral sex another shot (I found it gross beforehand as without the pleasure aspect I was so self conscious with no up side). He turned out to have a particular set of skills and gave me my first orgasm.

Once I realised that it could happen I tried experimenting with masturbation and eventually found what works for me. Started in the bath and once I cracked that moved on to a bullet. I definitely would say try it, once you crack it then it makes everything worth it. Before I managed it I thought there was something wrong with me and I dreaded sex.

Get yourself a cheap bullet, plenty of lube and just see. It's unobtrusive and will change your world.

I still experience issues with dryness but now I know what works for me it doesn't stop me enjoying myself so I just ignore it and lube up. Foreplay doesn't always do it for me as, let's be honest ladies, a lot of men think poking you with their fingers is enough when in reality it feels like a doctor is inspecting your bits.

I have been where you are and refused to masturbate but now I regret all the years of pleasure I could have been having.

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