Anal sex problem

(39 Posts)
Newusername1 Tue 25-Oct-16 16:28:06

I've recently started seeing someone and we're both really enjoying exploring sexually. He mentioned anal sex and um...licking me there as turn ons and I said I didn't like anal. I've only done it once years ago and I didn't love it but the reason I said I don't want to is because since having my son I've had haemorrhoids and sometimes they feel ok, other times if I'm constipated (which I do tend to suffer from unfortunately), it can all get quite painful and bleed confusedblushblush. I'm also aware that I have a little skin tag down there because of the piles and I'm quite self-conscious about that, I worry about him noticing it when we're doing it doggy style but try to put it out of my mind and assume he's focusing on other things! But obviously with something like rimming it would be more obvious and I just find the idea a bit mortifying which is a shame as otherwise, hygiene issues aside I'd definitely be up for trying it.

And as far as actual anal goes, is that even possible with piles? Has anyone experienced that? I'm worried about pain and possible bleeding both from a not wanting to damage myself point of view and from a being hideously embarrassing point of view. But I really would like to try it if it is possible, I don't want to just close the door on it altogether so to speak grin.
I wouldn't want to rush into things but I'd like to get some idea if this is something that would even be feasible. I know I should probably mention my problem but honestly at the moment I'm just too shy about it, I want him to see me as a sex goddess not a person with piles!

OP’s posts: |
witchofzog Tue 25-Oct-16 16:33:00

It sounds like you wouldn't get very much from doing this. In fact it would probably be uncomfortable and make you feel awkward. I would tell him it doesn't do it for you and find something that does

Newusername1 Tue 25-Oct-16 18:29:14

Maybe you're right sad. Even if the piles are ok, I'm still too embarrassed by the delightful skin tag poking out saying hello. Do you know if it's possible to get them removed?

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wobblywonderwoman Tue 25-Oct-16 18:30:18

Honestly op I just wouldn't - if you are bleeding and uncomfortable

Ifailed Tue 25-Oct-16 18:31:21

if he's so keen on anal sex, why not suggest you wear a strap-on and do him?

legotits Tue 25-Oct-16 18:32:11

Being blunt.

It's your arse hole.
If he is up for rimming you he ain't worried about skin tags.

If you are keen, lube and then more lube.

My farmers are whickering at the thought.

MaidOfStars Tue 25-Oct-16 18:46:30

You've tried it and you don't like it. Piles aren't what should be stopping you.

I fucking hate it and I'm pile-free. The only pleasure I've ever got from it is knowing that I was pleasing the man involved. I knocked that one on the head as soon as I realised how subjugated conditioned ridiculous that sounded grin

But you didn't want a feminism lecture.

If you're going to try it, I agree with above that I suspect he doesn't care about the prettiness of your arsehole. And yes, lots of lube.

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PersianCatLady Tue 25-Oct-16 18:54:21

Even if the piles are ok, I'm still too embarrassed by the delightful skin tag poking out saying hello. Do you know if it's possible to get them removed?
You want to go through the pin and hassle of getting a skin tag removed so you can have anal sex with your new BF even though you didn't really enjoy it the last time you did it?

Is that right?

alltouchedout Tue 25-Oct-16 18:56:06

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. you don't need any better reason than "I don't want to".

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Tue 25-Oct-16 19:01:20

I think it would aggravate your piles and even if it didn't you'd be tense and worried so wouldn't enjoy it.

Give it a swerve, there are loads of other options. How about telling him what you'd like to do instead?

Newusername1 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:01:46

Yes, not because of the new boyfriend as such but because it's something I've been wanting to get rid of for a while. It affects my confidence, sexually. It's also uncomfortable.

When I said I didn't love it before...I didn't hate it either. I would be interested in trying it out now for my own curiosity and pleasure as much as to 'please' my man which I don't think is a dreadful concept in any case. He absolutely is the opposite of pressuring btw, and hasn't brought it up since I said no. We're just both a bit kinky and want to experiment (not that anal is that kinky but with other things).

HOWEVER I do think it may be off the table for quite a while.

I may well suggest doing him thoughgrin...he might well be up for it!

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TisMeTheLadFromTheBar Tue 25-Oct-16 19:05:44

If your haemorrhoids are sore or/and bleeding, I would avoid both. It will be uncomfortable for you and make your haemorrhoids worse. For him - it would be unsafe to do rimming if you are bleeding.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 25-Oct-16 19:06:16

It's ok to say no, you know?smile

Wrt the skin tag, he'll have already seen it probably. Normal non porny women have piles and skin tags ,not all smooth and bleached bums. Tbh any negative comments and I'd bin him.

legotits Tue 25-Oct-16 19:07:40

Sounds like a pain in the arse.

In many, many ways.

sohackedoff Tue 25-Oct-16 19:10:25

Yes you can get rid of the skin tag but there's a risk of stenosis.

PinkiePiesCupcakes Tue 25-Oct-16 19:11:52

Op you've mentioned anal sex pon the MN sex board. The default position on anal sex on the sex board is even if you personally want to try it, feel like giving it a whirl, ypou shouldn't... EVER!!!!.
I don't know why that is the default MN sex board attitude but there you go.

If ypou would like tpo try anal sex, talk to your bf, tell him your issues, if he and ypou want to try it, condoms, lube, lube, liube, relax, take ypour time, lube and maybe a little more lube.

Good luck, MN default attitude aside, anal can be great. Also, pegging with a strap on is fab for men. If it hits the P spot he'll be squirming with joy very quickly.

Please have a google around, there's tons of advice on the Love Honey forum.

Don't forget the lube. grin

PoldarksBreeches Tue 25-Oct-16 19:12:35

I used to love anal but I just don't do it anymore since childbirth, 3rd degree tear and occasional piles. Not worth the risk. Rimming is fine though wink

legotits Tue 25-Oct-16 19:14:48

Oi Pinkie what is your P doing?

<whistles>

Newusername1 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:27:26

DameDiazepam...and indeed anyone else in the know, how common are anal skin tags actually? I know I'm not unique in this but it just makes me feel self-conscious.

He wouldn't make any negative comments and I'm sure he's seen all sorts before, he's been married and has two children and seems to be well-adjusted. Having said that I don't like the thought of him noticing and maybe thinking it's a bit gross sad. Is this all in my head?

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Newusername1 Tue 25-Oct-16 19:28:54

Hmm sounds a bit odd on rereading to mention the children, I just mean they obviously weren't brought by the stork so he's obviously seen all sorts in that sense!

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ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Tue 25-Oct-16 19:52:31

My MN stance isn't anti anal but if it hurts to poo, it sounds like a knob up there won't be a thrill. If you want to try it, go very cautiously and don't agree just to please him.

PersianCatLady Tue 25-Oct-16 19:59:20

My MN stance isn't anti anal but if it hurts to poo, it sounds like a knob up there won't be a thrill
What a great way to put it. smile

lazyholly Tue 25-Oct-16 22:21:04

My advice (from experience) is don't do it - it will be painful and just make your Nobby Styles worse long term.
If fairly confident that I first got piles from my first go and years later I tried again but this just made it flare up again.
If he is still into it - offer to do it to him (I did this and my DH who seemed dead keen never mentioned it again - now 15 years on and never a mention!)

LittleOyster Tue 25-Oct-16 22:25:54

I suffered badly with piles during my pregnancy and postbirth ended up with an anal skin tag that massively affected my confidence. The piles settled down pretty quickly, and after a few years I had the skin tag lasered off in a cosmetic clinic for a butt-clenchingly extortionate £800 (I'm London based though, you could probably get it done cheaper elsewhere). Although it's never going to be pornstar perfect, my bumhole looks a lot better now.

BTW, I also enjoy anal from time to time (maybe this is why it was a priority for me to get the skin tag sorted - not sure, have never really thought about it.) FWIW, I have never experienced pain on entry or during the act unless it's gone in at a really awkward angle, which is easily corrected. I do often get tummy cramps the next day though and sometimes a little constipation. This makes me think that anal is probably best kept as an occasional treat rather than a default mode.

I wouldn't worry too much about him seeing you as a person with piles, etc. Chances are, if he's into the idea of anal, he likes sex a little rough around the edges. Personally, I wouldn't have anal with a man who I thought wanted everything airbrushed, perfect and squeaky clean. If his idea of fun is to shove it up my poop-chute, then he can bloody well cope if things get messy, in my view. (Never have, thank god, but always a possibility I guess).

Newusername1 Wed 26-Oct-16 07:00:57

Thanks all! I think I'm just going to accept that anal stuff is not going to work out for me. Slightly disappointing but I suppose there are plenty of other things to do smile. The thought of it possibly enflaming things there make it just not worth it.

I think I will look at having the skin tag removed. I know some people have them but I can't quite convince myself it's not weird and gross looking and it does feel uncomfortable too.

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