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Boring sex life(7 Posts)
I have name changed as I feel a little embarrassed. I have been with my dh for 10 years. In the main we have a really good relationship and we are intimate so far as kissing and touching hugs etc on a daily basis.
When we first got together like most new couples we were at it like rabbits and he was very attentive, I have always found it difficult to orgasm through sex however at times with dh I now can.
We don't have a particularly active sex life and haven't for the past 3 or 4 years, dh no longer gives me oral and to be honest it makes me feel a bit rejected. I have spoken to him honestly and asked him if it's because he doesn't enjoy it which is absolutely fine I don't want him to feel obligated. He replied no he likes it, yet the next time we have sex once again no oral.
There is foreplay but it's always the same thing. He never touches me or caresses me just goes straight to using his fingers to bring me to orgasm before having sex. I now just feel frustrated, I have talked with him about this on a few occasions he says all the right things but never acts on it. I'm bored of our sex life. I want some passion I most often initiate and take the lead but for once I want him to be the dominant one. He has surprised me over the years and he gets a very enthusiastic response so I can't help but think it must be me.
I don't know what to say to him anymore. Dh has had a fair bit to deal with over the last 3 years so I can see how perhaps he's not really up for having sex a lot of the time. However I have needs and I don't think I am being selfish for wanting a more satisfying sex life or am I just being unreasonable and assume that he actually doesn't like giving oral and deal with it?
Why don't you take the impetus and book yourselfs away for a weekend?
I felt the same op we have tried to spice things up recently but it's hard when we have two younger DC a 3year a baby and then an older DC which makes us more self consious.
Could you just ask him to do it next time you have sex? It is a strange one but then men generally are!
How about sending him a text saying "I love it when you ......" or just tell him at an opportune moment.
Rather than discuss it as though it's a big problem, think of interesting ways of telling him what you like and how. Rather than going for the whole boring sex life topic, take it bit by bit until you have the sex life you both want.
Maybe ask him more often what he would like you to do to him etc.
Maybe you need to tease him a little? The next time you go out in the evening, maybe to a bar or for a meal,wear holdups and leave your panties off. Wear a suitably short but decent skirt. Dont make it obvious but sit/position yourself so that he can get the occasional glimpse of your bear thighs..if he notices,dont acknowledge,,just carry on chatting..remember,scarcity increases value !
"He never touches me or caresses me just goes straight to using his fingers to bring me to orgasm before having sex. I now just feel frustrated, I have talked with him about this on a few occasions he says all the right things but never acts on it."
Do you communicate what you want during sex? What happens if you ask him to give you oral when he starts using his fingers on you?