Face Slapping

(38 Posts)
talksensetome Wed 24-Aug-16 10:52:39

My ex partner would sometimes slap my face during sex. We had a very varied sex life sometimes we would have rough sex with hair pulling, choking and restraint which is when the face slapping was introduced. I didn't mind, he never hurt me, other times we would make love and it would be very soft and slow and sensual so it was all balanced out. We had talked prior about rough sex and my fantasy around forced sex etc so it was all consensual and we knew each others boundaries.

We split up and I decided to hook up with a guy I previously had a ONS with. well he slapped my face. several times, out of the blue with no prior discussion! I didn't complain because I like rough sex and it was quite rough, I love being choked which he also did so it did seem a natural part of proceedings and it is a turn on to me, obviously not hard enough to really hurt.

But is this a thing now? Something that is such a normal part of sex that you would do it with a casual partner on the second time you saw them with no prior warning or discussion about how rough you do or don't like it? I have had a lot of partners in my life and until these two most recent ones I have never been slapped before!

OP’s posts: |
Fanfeck Wed 24-Aug-16 11:07:46

Like you, I'm a fan of rough sex and everything you mention but I would be very out out at being slapped without discussion about boundaries/clarification etc.

I know having the conversation doesn't sound sexy or spontaneous but it's essential. I wouldn't like a man who would do that without warning!

KatieHopkinsAteMyHamster99 Wed 24-Aug-16 11:17:28

Sounds like a total no-no. You have to have complete trust and agreed boundaries up front for this kind of stuff. What else might he do without asking?

talksensetome Wed 24-Aug-16 11:18:57

FanFeck That's what I was so surprised about. With Ex we had spoken about how rough was acceptable, the kind of things we like, what was totally out of bounds and so the face slapping was all part and parcel.

New guy just did it and that's what shocked me. How did he know I would be ok with it, surely its a risky thing to just do out of the blue?

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ImperialBlether Wed 24-Aug-16 11:20:00

OP, can I just ask you about the choking? That's always something I've thought must be incredibly frightening - how would you know for certain that things wouldn't go too far? It's never been something that would appeal to me either - nor being slapped, for that matter - but I don't know how women don't worry they would be killed.

talksensetome Wed 24-Aug-16 11:29:44

Imperial I have found choking to be quite common and any bloke that I have been choked by has stopped the second I touch their hand. I have never even had to pull their hand away, I touch them and they release the grip.

I suppose it could be scary but I am generally attracted to strong muscly blokes that are twice my size. if they are intent on hurting me I wouldn't stand a chance anyway as I am tiny so a bit of breath play doesn't bother me. I only usually sleep with people I know, never strangers so I trust them not to hurt me.

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Ineedmorelemonpledge Wed 24-Aug-16 16:35:53

Imperial I suggest you avoid ever watching a film called "Kelly + Victor" as that's exactly what happens.

I agree with your thoughts op, without discussion it would really be out of limits for me.

I motion using my partners hands to what I want - hair pulling etc. He never instigated it without my permission.


talksensetome Wed 24-Aug-16 17:55:37

OK I am going to watch that film now as I am morbidly intrigued.... hope it doesn't put me off sex grin

Well I don't think I will say that particular playmate again. Wasn't sure if I was being a hypocrite because I do like it, as just felt weird about it being done the way it was.

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JenLindley Wed 24-Aug-16 18:04:29

I had this recently on a ONS with a man I had just met. Like you I like it so it was enjoyable but it was only afterwards I thought "hey, he didn't even check if I was ok with that" he did start off very light though so I guess that was him checking? And from his point of view I would have stopped him at the first slap if I didn't want it.

Wrt to choking I don't mind light choking. I had an ex who liked being choked but I just couldn't do it to him.

Branleuse Wed 24-Aug-16 18:38:01

thats definitely the sort of thing that should be discussed first

talksensetome Thu 25-Aug-16 08:53:47

I think I am just surprised because in all my years of sexual activity I haven't come across it and then all of a sudden two on the run have done it. Maybe it is becoming more mainstream.

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Destinysdaughter Thu 25-Aug-16 08:58:41

You do see face slapping quite frequently in porn these days so maybe that's why it's becoming more common. Never knew any guy do that pre Internet. However personally any stuff like that I think should be discussed beforehand. The only time someone did it to me ( consensually) I burst into tears!

Jizzomelette Thu 25-Aug-16 09:05:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

talksensetome Thu 25-Aug-16 12:02:49

I can't say I am surprised to hear that it is becoming more prevalent in Porn.

I was also quite shocked the first time Destiny we had been roleplaying and it was pretty full on. However there was lots of cuddles and reassurance and gentle kisses afterwards. With ONS it was just a few face slaps, it definitely was a different experience.

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GhettoFabulous Thu 25-Aug-16 12:30:55

Anyone who engages in edgeplay with a random and without discussing boundaries is literally dicing with death. Face slapping can dislocate your jaw or cause concussion if done wrongly.

JenLindley Thu 25-Aug-16 12:38:42

Well as is the premise of the thread, the OP didnt know it was going to happen!

talksensetome Thu 25-Aug-16 15:39:14

Thanks Jen

Couldn't agree more Ghetto that's why I was so surprised and wondered if it was suddenly acceptable to do this.

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NeedAnotherGlass Thu 25-Aug-16 21:36:19

It's never acceptable without prior agreement. I would have a real issue with a new partner doing that without checking with you first.

justdontevenfuckingstart Thu 25-Aug-16 21:39:03

This is something we do as both happy with. Absolutely not to be done without prior consent and discussion.

pinkyredrose Sat 27-Aug-16 10:41:26

Shocked that a ONS choked you. Given that he didn't ask permission I don't suppose he had and idea how to do it correctly?

Ninasimoneinthemorning Sat 27-Aug-16 10:44:07

Jesus! I hope it's not a 'thing', I'm already worried for my three girls and what will be expected from them sad

JackandDiane Sat 27-Aug-16 10:46:11

* rolls eyes *

talksensetome Sat 27-Aug-16 10:49:57

Jack what is the eye rolling for? I have been in a long term relationship so our of the the casual sex game.
The next relationship I was in after that we had discussed out limits and how rough wad acceptable.
The relationship didn't work out but the fact that the next person I slept with also wanted to slap me is what made me question how much things have changed while I have been put of the game.
I had lots of sexual partners before my long term relationship and no one ever slapped me nor expressed a wish to.

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AkimboLimbo Sat 27-Aug-16 11:58:48

It appears you wandered into the sex topic (where discussions about sex take place) by mistake.
You can hide the topic if it is too difficult for you to cope with.

OP, I think so many things have changed regarding sex. People are able to be far more open about what they want and far more interested and willing to experiment. Ideas that people used to repress can now be shared. So yes, there will no doubt be an increase in the number of people wanting to try these things.
Whether it was porn that drove the desires, or the desires that drove porn is debatable. I suspect that it is circular.

JackandDiane Sat 27-Aug-16 14:15:22

Don't patronise me. The eye rolling was for someone worrying about her daughters future sex life. Like really?

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