Is this bull shit and will things change?

(19 Posts)
footballcrazy11 Wed 03-Aug-16 09:33:31

I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months and he is lovely, really kind and considerate and great fun. Anyway we had sex for the first time at the weekend and all appeared to be fantastic however we have since had sex every day since and he hasnt cum unless by finishing himself off. I thought at first death grip but I have spoken to him and he says it is his fault as he spent many years holding back to satisfy his ex wife and now it has messed him up. He does make sure I am satisfied so no complaints there but I feel there is something missing and obviously its not a great conclusion when he has to have a wank with me!

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nmg85 Wed 03-Aug-16 10:21:49

If you like the guy then I would try and work towards changing the matter slowly rather then worrying about it now. If he has had to do one thing for numerous years it is quite hard to change it overnight. Speak to him maybe outside of the bedroom and see if there is anything you can do to help, take it slow, don't put pressure oh him and don't take it as something against you (although I know it must be hard to do!)

footballcrazy11 Wed 03-Aug-16 11:09:26

thanks for the reply nmg85 I am trying to not put pressure on him. He is lovely and very attentive where sex is concerned but it is hard not to take it personally although he totally says it is his fault and he is more than happy with the sex. I he would just bloody cum with me it would be perfect agghh!

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nmg85 Wed 03-Aug-16 11:22:01

Take a positive spin... use it as a way to experiment and see if anything works. It is good that you can talk about it, if he can discuss it then maybe ask what the issue was previously to try and work out how you can fix it etc. Did his exW expect hours of sex and he was coming before she thought he should or was there another issue. I had an ex who was so insecure that he was inadequate with how quickly he came that he ended up not being able to relax... it turned out that his ex expected him to do foreplay etc and then at least an hour of intercourse and not come until she 'allowed' it. It took time for him to trust me and relax and eventually start to feel more confident in his own abilities.

footballcrazy11 Wed 03-Aug-16 11:55:36

Thanks nmg its really good how you are looking at it with positives. Yes we can talk about anything and that is exactly what happened to him. His ex was pretty high flying and demanding and apparently he trained himself not to cum until she was totally satisfied. He says an orgasm is so quick anyway that it doesnt compare to the pleasure that we have. This is so new to me as my exh was a 3 thrust wonder and I was always disappointed but I was just asking because I didn't know if there is something I could do to help him or if he is possibly bull shitting.

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nmg85 Wed 03-Aug-16 12:13:11

I don't see why it would benefit him to lie to be honest. I would just work on it together as I would think with time it could be fixed. Can he come if you use your hand or is it just his?

footballcrazy11 Wed 03-Aug-16 12:29:26

No it has to be his but he likes me touch him at the same time and kiss him

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footballcrazy11 Wed 03-Aug-16 12:30:05

Thanks for helping me with this by the way, I really appreciate it

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nmg85 Wed 03-Aug-16 12:42:10

Maybe you should just try you also holding his penis when he is finishing himself off, then maybe progress to less and less of him doing the work.

footballcrazy11 Wed 03-Aug-16 12:44:21

Thanks for the advice but I have tried that and tried using my mouth at the same time he is doing it but it doesnt work sad

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nmg85 Wed 03-Aug-16 16:39:22

Keep trying things... it won't be an overnight fix

footballcrazy11 Wed 03-Aug-16 18:29:37

Ok I will thanks again I was just worried it would cause problems but you have helped put it into perspective

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Spanglecrab Wed 03-Aug-16 21:50:38

Just wondering if he is concerned about cumming earlier than he would like so is having a tactical wank a few hours before to take the edge off?

pocketsaviour Thu 04-Aug-16 10:43:45

I think it's hot as fuck when a guy finishes himself off (especially if he directs it towards me!)

You've only been seeing him a couple of months, as someone said it's not going to be a quick fix when he's been having sex this way for so long.

footballcrazy11 Thu 04-Aug-16 13:03:47

I dont think so spangle. Yes pocket its not bad at all grin but would be nice the other wasy as well!

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NeedAnotherGlass Thu 04-Aug-16 22:05:21

You've only been having sex since the weekend! Give it a chance and have fun with it. This really doesn't need to be a problem.
I suspect a bit of abstinence on his part might help build up the need!

footballcrazy11 Fri 05-Aug-16 11:02:44

Well just a little happy update. Last night we got there he came inside with me a little help and we were both over the moon. The bonus was it triggered me too so was a very happy ending so to speak grin
Thank you all for taking the trouble to advise me I am very grateful

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nmg85 Fri 05-Aug-16 12:10:20

Glad it all worked out :-)

footballcrazy11 Fri 05-Aug-16 13:46:12

Thank you nmg85 I dont expect it to be ok everytime but that showed me that we can do it so I am cool with it

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