Started using a vibrator - now have trouble having orgasm any other way.

(10 Posts)
DinnaFash Sun 24-Jul-16 13:59:11

I've name changed. Which I hope works.
Recently refound my sex drive after many years and have started to enjoy masturbating, which is not something I did much before. Then got myself a vibrator for when dp isn't in the mood.
I've been using it a couple of times a week recently, but now I'm finding it really difficult to orgasm any other way.
I lost the ability to come through PIV sex after having my 2 DCs but have always managed it using my fingers or DP has got me there with his fingers.
I have decided to have a break from the vibrator and tried without it myself a few days ago. It took bloody ages using my fingers. I used to get myself there in a few minutes, but it took a good 15-20 minutes. With dp last week it took forever too. I was on the edge for so long, but just took a lot to get the end result.
Had sex with dp last night and I just could not get there. He tried fingers and tongue but it wasn't happening. So very frustrating for both of us.
I don't want to rely on a vibrator for an orgasm.
How do I get myself back to the way it was?

OP’s posts: |
AnecdotalEvidence Sun 24-Jul-16 15:14:38

You might just be worrying about it too much - concentrating too hard on trying to come.
I got my first vibrator when I was a teenager. I've used them over the past 30 years. There are times I need one to orgasm, other times I have no difficulty using my fingers. Don't just assume that using the vibrator has made this change.
Can you use the vibrator during sex so you don't end up frustrated? I suspect it will sort itself out soon enough.

LazyCake Sun 24-Jul-16 15:43:34

Go cold turkey with the vibrator. Once you can orgasm as quickly as you'd like by other means, you can reintroduce it. Just keep it as an occasional treat, or for days when you are short of time/too tired to orgasm any other way.

Might be an idea to put your vibes out of the way somewhere, as (speaking from experience) the temptation to think 'oh fuck it, who cares' when you're close to coming but can't quite get there will be enormous!

LazyCake Sun 24-Jul-16 15:45:48

Ps. I agree with AnecdotalEvidence to a degree, but getting conditioned to a vibrator is definitely a thing, just like the dreaded male 'death-grip'.

HairySubject Sun 24-Jul-16 15:48:30

I hardly ever use my toys and can get there by hand in under 2 mind most of the time. Sometimes though it just doesn't happen. It could be that you just weren't feeling it but now that you are worried it's because of the vibe you are over thinking it and it makes it so much harder to relax and get there.

DinnaFash Sun 24-Jul-16 17:54:49

Thanks. I'm definitely not using the vibrator for a while. And I'll try to not worry about it and take the pressure off myself, if I can.
Don't want to use it with dp if it's going to stop me coming any other way.
How do you use one and not get conditioned to it?

OP’s posts: |
Ineedmorelemonpledge Sun 24-Jul-16 22:21:16

I find now that I'm older that I can orgasm more and less at different times of my cycle. Also remember as you get older things start getting smaller and less sensitive.

I don't orgasm as easily as I did in my 20's but I have multiples far more frequently.

So I just use the toys to finish when I need to if I'm having sex with my partner.

There are toys that don't rely on heavy vibration to bring you to clitoral orgasm, such as the Womaniser. So you don't get any numbness. I also use the massage wand indirectly on the side so to speak, so I don't lose sensation.

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LazyCake Sun 24-Jul-16 22:47:16

How do you use one and not get conditioned to it?

I'm not really sure what the answer to this question is. I'm guessing that some women will be able to tolerate more vibrator use than others before they become conditioned. I have loads of psychological hang-ups and physical quirks (quite a small hooded clit) that can at times make coming a bit of a struggle, so I'm rather cautious. I try not to make things even harder for myself by adding a vibrator addiction into the mix!

It think the key thing is to make sure that you are having lots of orgasms by other means. Maybe changing up the vibe you use, using it in other ways would also help?

jellygee Mon 25-Jul-16 10:26:45

I'd say so what - don't feel bad about using a vibrator on your own or with a partner. As Indeedmorelemon says, it takes more stimulation to get there the older you get. I have got to the point that I need a vibrator to come properly but I put it down to getting older. When I was younger I could come through PIV but it has not happened for a few years and I have better climaxes with a vibe. My addiction to a vibrator started when I got the Durex rabbit type - for me this was better than anything else (powerful climax in about 3 minutes - I just love the full inside feeling whilst my clit gets vibe focus from the ears) - the frustration was for my partner because he had nothing to do and had to wait until I was done. I still use this on my own when he is away for the night but when we have sex, we stick to a Love Honey Super Smoothie 7 inch classic. With this I can use internally whist he focuses on my clit with his fingers or we do spoons PIV on my side and I can use it on my clit. I can also climax if I rub it over my anus and he fingers fanjo and clit - that really is addictive.
I'd stick with your vibe and enjoy it - but make sure it does not take over your lovemaking so that PD just becomes the assistant who holds the vibe in the right place whilst you grip the duvet and moan.

bumbleclat Mon 25-Jul-16 23:17:15

I have this too... Just have a week or so off the vibrator and it will come back I promise grin

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