Achieving orgasm through PIV - woman on top?

[MyNameIsReddish]

My first post in sex topic - let's hope this works!

Orgasm through PIV is something I've never managed and I wish I could.

I keep reading that woman-on-top is the way to go, but I can't really work out how this is supposed to give clitoral stimulation (I'm probably being dense). Anyone care to enlighten me? Do you have to bend far forward rather than sit upright? Am I doing it all wrong??

Other suggestions for orgasm through PIV also welcomed...

----
If you've found this page in your search of orgasm gels and orgasm lubes that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best orgasm gels useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

Hmm
I rarely achieve this without manual stimulation as well. But it is possible when you're on top - you need to be very turned on, and the man has to basically do very little. Not thrust or grab you or anything. You need to grind and use his pubic bone to stimulate your clitoris. It's tricky, especially if the man isn't very biddable and keeps trying to stimulate himself thereby ruining your rhythm!

[ivykaty44]

Go for lots of clit stimulation first, lots of playing for a good 20 minutes
Missionary with pillow undernieth but only allow about three inches if penatration and him up on fully stretched arms
It's about lots of foreplay & already having had a few clit orgasims and then the angle of his penis on your g spot

Everyone is different

[PolaroidsFromTheBeyond]

Do you want to orgasm solely through PIV or are you looking for a position that stimulates your clitoris at the same time so you can come that way?

If the latter the the position the previous poster describes is a good one. If you want to orgasm solely through PIV (no clitoral stimulation) you can have a go but I think it's one of those things that either happens for you or doesn't. Some women can come through PIV alone, many can't.

[MyNameIsReddish]

Thanks for the replies! I'm not fussed about it being solely PIV - and I've no evidence that that would work for me. I would just like to be able to come while having sex with DP. I will try the position recommended above, but as PP points out, this will rather depend on DP lying still which is not very likely I don't think. He tends to take over.

And, a related question, if you don't come from PIV, does your DP always provide an alternative for you??

I keep thinking this would be better to do before PIV, since afterwards my DP rather loses interest which then makes me feel awkward saying "oi, what about me?". But if we do it first, it can take a long time which also rather takes things off the boil for DP. I can't help thinking men and women could have been made to a more compatible design really!

[PolaroidsFromTheBeyond]

Sorry if I'm being thick but can't you (or your DP) just touch your clit while you're doing PIV? This is possible in basically any position.

if you don't come from PIV, does your DP always provide an alternative for you?

Well yes, it's only polite.

[MyNameIsReddish]

Good idea - but I have never really been able to make that work for me. Either the angle is wrong as he is squashing my hand/he can't reach, or I just can't get into it. I find the thrusting very distracting and can't build up any kind of rhythm of my own, so it ends up quite frustrating.

Perhaps I am weird?! I think basically I would need DP to be completely still while I sorted myself out (unlikely!) or he would need to withdraw and spend 10+ minutes just focusing on me, by which time his enthusiasm has probably worn off and his hand has cramp. Grrrr. We are obviously doing this all wrong.

[Patheticfallacy]

I can come in this position with current dp pretty much everytime. Weirdly in the 15 years I had a sex life before meeting him I could never ever come during sex, even with manual stimulation. I don't know if it's being in my mid 30s and my body has changed, or if dp is just v v good at it! I go on top and sit up on him and he holds my hips and thrusts. Sometimes sort of circular movements work for me as well. It's so odd though as I never could before! It makes me never ever want to leave dp even when he's really annoying
I fancy him loads which does help too.

[PolaroidsFromTheBeyond]

You need to make sure you come before you get to PIV then.

[ivykaty44]

There is a saying

Woman come first

Seriously your dp needs to be looking after you first and a lot of play shouldn't effect his boil - rather it should enhance it. Delayed orgasim for men usually makes it more intense an experience.

If your dp is just getting stuck in and satisfying himself then you need to explain that he may well be getting his ticks off but he's never going to have a great experience like that. Coming close and then waiting is going to also give him a better more satisfying time

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

if you don't come from PIV, does your DP always provide an alternative for you?

Yes. Usually when I'm having sex I will orgasm before penetration or during, by using my hand to stimulate the clit at the same time. I would expect the man to be able to hold back on his orgasm until I have had mine. I know that some men may have difficulties with that but in general it's a fair expectation.
I think you need to work on finding ways to get you more ready to orgasm before penetration. Would he really get bored if he had to concentrate on oral or other stimulation for ten minutes before penetration? That's a bit crap

[annandale]

I'm not the person to advise you but certainly on top I get a lot closer if I focus totally on myself, lean forward, get my legs at the right angle (for me that's quite a bit wider than i used to do) and yes think slow rub rather than thrust. A glass of wine and dh holding my arms tightly to my sides helps too(slight bsdm thing). Just tell him that tonight is all about you, that's the point of being in a ltr, another night it can be all about him. Oh and don't forget to fantasise.

[silverdrawers]

The only way I can finish during piv is on top but we both have to be sitting up. Dh puts his hand down there and gives me something to rub up against. Lots of stimulation beforehand too. It's amazing

[Patheticfallacy]

Yes dp will try to wait for me and he moves v slowly until I come. We have both come at the same time doing this before. I think if he was just trying to satisfy himself it wouldn't work.

[BoboChic]

Secret to PIV orgasm: absolutely no direct clitoral stimulation.

[BackToTheCaveman]

A position we are currently having fun with is a sort of reverse cowgirl. Cavewoman on top leaning forward with her head on a pillow. Pillow either on or between my feet. Then she can reach under herself and use a small vibe on her clit. Added stimulus is a second bullet analy (gives me something do, while staring at her arse plus added stimulus for me )

[0phelia]

For some women, rubbing hard on the area between anus and vagina (perineum) can bring orgasm. You can try PIV woman on top or doggy fashion to get the angle right.

I often find my clit is way too sensitive and it just feels horrible when directly stimulated by fingers or tongue (but not after plenty of instruction) so PIV is sometime preferable.

Being on top can really do the job. When I've been with men who have a more prominent/firm pelvic bone area, pressing the clitoral area firmly on him during PIV is a gorgeous way to orgasm. Him on top can provide the same stimulus providing he moves in the way you like.

Imagine your clit covers a whole big area, all around from your vagina to your pubic bone, then as you sit on him you can writhe, push and rub in your favourite way, while leaning forward for kissing, with plenty of eye contact and vocal appreciation.

[MyNameIsReddish]

Wow, this all sounds amazing, but is kind of unimaginable for me! Doesn't it take a very long time (or do you all come super fast?)?

Maybe I just have very specific requirements in order to reach orgasm (too much teenage masturbation creating fixed habits!) but I cannot imagine being able to come through rubbing against DP in this way. I also imagine he'd get bored and start doing his own thing. The way he needs to move is nothing like the way I need if I'm going to reach orgasm. Perhaps he needs some retraining...

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

Yes he does! The man's orgasm simply has to be the second priority in sex and the penis should be used to assist the woman's orgasm before it gets a look in! Any man who hasn't worked that out by 25 is a bit selfish frankly.

[annandale]

True reddish, I don't come at all with a partner and have a very fixed routine but some time ago decided to experiment with gasp what actually feels good in sex rather than what is supposed to feel good.

[MyNameIsReddish]

Crikey, we are a lot older than 25 . Slow learners, obviously.

I think DP likes to imagine that what works for him will automatically be great for me, and that if I don't come it's still fine as I enjoy it in other ways. I need to find a way to persuade him gently that I would like my orgasm to get a look in too!

[MyNameIsReddish]

The man's orgasm simply has to be the second priority in sex and the penis should be used to assist the woman's orgasm before it gets a look in!

This sounds marvellous! But I think the problem comes from me too - I would feel selfish and self-conscious just focusing on me like this.

[BackToTheCaveman]

This sounds marvellous! But I think the problem comes from me too - I would feel selfish and self-conscious just focusing on me like this

Why? Your partner should want to concentrate on you. Then the second part you concentrate on him. Then you are both satisfied.

Also I highly recommend a vibrating cock ring. They are great from both perspectives. Female from the sensation, male because it cuts down the required movement and makes things last a lot longer.

[annandale]

Selfish and self conscious -two concepts that will stop you getting to orgasm as sure as shooting.

[SeemsLegit]

If you feel pressure to get yours out of the way it's never going to be a satisfying experience for you. I've never had decent sex because I think in my head that the end point of sex is the man's orgasm and I've never been forthright enough to insist that I get some sort of pleasure out of sex too!

Your partner sounds quite selfish

[Abbinob]

For me 8f I kind of angle my hips backwards a bit, not sure how to describe it but sort if arch your back a little (with him on top) that helps.
or get one of this things, the rabbit ear cock ring things I've seen them somewhere (weirdly I think it was boots?)