how often do you have sex?

[getoffmycloud]

Hi I wonder if anyone has any helpful insight for me. My husband and I have been married 5 years, together 7, trying for a baby for 6 years. We usually have sex about once a week. My husband would like it more, I never initiate it, I just don't want to have sex a lot. My husband has put on 7 stone in weight since we have been married. He weighs 2 1/2 times what I weigh and is a foot taller than me. To be honest sex isn't very comfortable for me anymore. I feel like I'm being crushed. Between that and the fact we have tried for a baby for so long I think I have just given up on it, although I don't want to be like this. I hate the thought of dressing up for him or initiating sex myself. Any thoughts on how to stop myself feeling this way?

[KatharineClifton]

If you don't fancy him and feel crushed then don't have sex. You are under no obligation to!

[gamerchick]

It may be time for an uncomfortable conversation. If he's too heavy then it's going to be hard to enjoy regular sex.

[Salene]

Id ask him to lose weight. It's unreasonable to expect to put on lots of weight and still expect your partner to be attracted to you.

He needs to make a effort to sort his weight out.

That's what I'd be telling him anyway if it was me.

[DownstairsMixUp]

I just wouldn't do it either, sorry. If you find it hard speaking face to face maybe write a letter about the weight thing?

[Iamblossom]

does he acknowledge that he is overweight?
have you mentioned it before?
does he ever bring it up in conversation?

If the answer to the above questions is no, then it may be harder to raise the topic of weight loss. If the answer is yes, capitalise on that and offer to support him in a sensitive way?

Are you overweight? Is losing weight an activity you can do together to foster closeness?

IME women who feel closer to their partners in general often feel more inclined to have sex anyway.

[Oneeyedbloke]

Has his extra weight made him sexually unattractive to you? If no, then how about you go on top?

[coffeebrewer]

might want to up the ratio to increase the chance of conception

why not go on top and then you can put your weight on him and not vis versa, and if he is that big he might last a bit longer before getting to tired to continue

[pocketsaviour]

I think I have just given up on it, although I don't want to be like this

Was there a time when things were different and you enjoyed sex with him more?

Trying to conceive can really kill the libido when it goes on so long, it did mine. It wasn't until I stopped trying and accepted it would never happen that I rediscovered my sex drive.

[ILiveAtTheBeach]

His weight might be affecting is sperm count, hence your trouble TTC. I would tell him this and ask him to lose weight to increase your chances of conceiving. If he does manage to drop the weight, you'll (hopefully) find him much more attractive. 7 stone is a whole (small) person! I wouldn't fancy my DH at all, if he put on 7 stone.