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Getting back to it(5 Posts)
NC because, well. Sex.
My husband and I always had brilliant sex. He was dominant and he loved it and I loved it, it was hot, bit heavy handed, all what we both wanted and enjoyed.
I gave birth in January. It took me about 8 weeks to feel up to trying sex. The first few times were as to be expected, nothing too painful or worrying.
As I have got more of my sex drive back I have tried to encourage my husband back into the dominant role, but he doesn't seem to be as interested in that anymore He seems timid and like he wants me to take charge. I've tried doing this but I feel really bloody silly trying to be basically dominant and initiate everything and doing all the talking (I cringe badly, I'm not very good at it), but I've tried. I'm just not getting anything out of being more in control and I want him to basically give me a fucking good shag
When we've spoken post-sex he had said "I'm really into how our sex life is changing and I'm really enjoying you being a bit more in charge. You're different now and I love it. I'm just a bit in awe of you and you feel fresh and new."
I totally get that post-birth he doesn't feel he can erm, have his way in the same way we did. But I want to get back to the roles we used to have because I feel lost in this new situation where he is hesitant and waits for me to get things going.
Alternatively, any tips on how to start enjoying being the one in control? I HATE talking during sex, I used to know how to say the odd thing when I was being submissive but have no idea where to start now.
It seems that he is open to talking about sex quite freely, which is great. I think that communication is the key to great sex and it's easy to get stuck in a tried and tested routine over the years - maybe try talking to him more and establishing where you both are and what you both like now? It's got to work for both of you.
When we've spoken post-sex he had said "I'm really into how our sex life is changing and I'm really enjoying you being a bit more in charge..."
Did you tell him that you are NOT into it?
Try giving him instructions so you get what you want and so does he - tell him he'd better give a bloody good shag or else!
You have to tell him, so you can both get more pleasure out of sex.
If he likes you being more dominant, then perhaps you can keep working on that too but he also needs to give you what you like.
And if he wants you to be dominant but you prefer him taking that role, could you be demanding? Tell him what you want him to do 'Come here, bend me over this table and fuck me' Might give you both what you want!