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take my advice when choosing a school

(34 Posts)
sunshine121 Thu 07-Nov-13 20:42:26

Please dont listen to what other people are doing once they have left you will never see these people again i.did this and chose s school that doesnt suit us and our life wish id gone with the unpopular one in the playground but best for us

difficultpickle Thu 07-Nov-13 21:19:36

Surely you should choose the right school for your own dcs rather than following what others are doing for their dcs. We are looking at senior schools this term and it hasn't even occurred to me to ask others in ds's year where they are looking.

tropicalfish Thu 07-Nov-13 22:05:20

You are quite right, it is easy to feel influenced by people round you. Everyone is, not just you.

JohnnyBarthes Thu 07-Nov-13 22:20:03

By Y6, ds was taking himself to and from school so I missed the playground gossip. Thank goodness.

Sorry to hear you're unhappy, OP. Can you move your child to the other school?

moldingsunbeams Fri 08-Nov-13 09:43:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cwazycaz Fri 08-Nov-13 10:52:59

It's some good advice, sunshine! it's really hard not to listen to playground music and be influenced by others. In our "playground" people go at great length to avoid the not-so-good-school and to make sure DC's go to "popular" schools. the sad thing is that the "popular" schools are not always suited, the not-so-good school remain undersubscribed and continue to underperform. But with so little choice, it's usually hard to find the right school for DC's. Hopefully, things will get better for you and you will make decision right by yr DC: to stay or to go?

sunshine121 Sat 09-Nov-13 20:57:49

she won't move now but i will forever regret my decision

mummy1973 Sat 09-Nov-13 21:16:35

Just wondered what it is that you found didn't suit? We'll be applying next yr so keen for all wisdom!

bsc Sat 09-Nov-13 21:23:15

Why on earth would you go with what other people were doing? confused

Surely you find the most suitable school for your child?

tiggytape Sat 09-Nov-13 21:48:53

Often parents aren't so much influenced by the schools everyone else wants as the ones that nobody wants.
It is very hard to ignore local opinion and pick a school that other people fall over themselves to avoid even if you think it seems good. It is a big decision and it is natural people doubt themselves - most people only have one open day and local opinion to go on. If local opinion is against a school, it is hard to ignore that and take what seems like a big gamble.

sunshine121 Sat 09-Nov-13 21:50:17

She was heavily influenced by a friend that was going and half the year went but should of gone with the one only a couple went to .....bsc ive asked myself that question many a time it wasnt a total no but the other one would of been better for us

sunshine121 Sat 09-Nov-13 21:54:14

Mummy do the rounds close your door and decide as a family

tiggytape Sat 09-Nov-13 21:59:40

I think your advice to think carefully about it and not be swayed by others is sensible
But I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. Everyone does the best they can with the information they have at the time and there's no guarantee that you'd have been happy with the other school in the end even if you had gone down that route.
You never know how she may have settled going somewhere with fewer friends or going to a school against her will with her main friend going elsewhere or whether the things you think make it suitable would have panned out that way. Hopefully you can make it work at her current school but I think you are being hard on yourself. Most parents have to make this decision with very little real information to work with and very few schools to choose from. You did the best at that time with what you knew.

sunshine121 Sat 09-Nov-13 22:02:52

Thanks tig her brother goes to the other sch and cant believe i didnt say you go there and thats it

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Sun 10-Nov-13 12:44:35

I really get where your coming from .My DS was the only child that had the choice of two schools .
The one that everyone went to or the other one that only six other kids that had NO choice went to .
Seriously I went to he'll and back .I visited the not popular school at various times of the day .Morning ,lunchtime and home time
.I went on three school tours with my son and with out.I found a student teacher through a friend of a friend who had worked there.
Friend of a friend again who had had her boys go through the school and still had a child there.
I googled like mad.I went on rate my teacher for the school.
The two things that did it were the not popular school had pastoral care the other didn't,even though it a should have done.
And last but not least GUT FEELING.The popular school felt like it was saying Thanks for coming and the other school was like Thanks for coming but are you coming in for coffee.
A lot of hard work but worth it in the end .

Coconutty Sun 10-Nov-13 12:48:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

witchywebsters Sun 10-Nov-13 19:02:55

I'm not sure, but I think this may be at least the third thread that you've posted about this. It's obviously a huge issue for you, but I'm not sure if it really is the disaster you feel it is. I really agree with what you say that people shouldn't listen to playground opinions though.

If your dd is happy and settled and likes the school she's at then that's a good thing - it would be different if she was unhappy. It sounds as if you're in the grip of some awfully catastrophic thinking and you're ruminating a lot (in the depressive sense) on your decision. That must feel really crappy and miserable, I know, but you're not going to resolve it by even more thinking and what-ifing.

I do know how you feel - I went along with one subject decision for a dc then wished I hadn't. I sometimes ruminate and catastrophize too and it can feel impossible to let go of it, the worry and regret niggling and prodding at me. But it's done, it's finished, and there's no point me thinking about it any more.

Like your situation it's really not a disaster, either - just a regret. The outcome could still turn out to be great and I'm sure that's true of your dd's school choice, too, especially if she's enjoying being there and doesn't want to move. Do try and focus on that good possibility, nothing's black and white and there's an awful lot of grass is greener thinking going on when we dwell on things we regret. If you actually did have the thing you want, you could easily be worrying the other way and no better off.

BackforGood Sun 10-Nov-13 22:41:10

I totally disagree about not listening to others too - can be really informative to speak to people who already have children at a school. The point is, you take that information for what it is - one parent's opinion. Now, if you talk to 80 parents, and they are all saying something quite specific about a school that is something that would affect your decision, then it becomes a pretty reliable source IMO. If it's one Mother and her friend, and the others all say differently, then it becomes a less reliable source of information.

I do agree with all the posters saying that ultimately you have to look at the school, and find the one which best seems to suit your child, I certainly wouldn't make a decision as to where other parents were sending their child if I didn't feel the school were the best fit for my child.

However, I disagree it needs to be a disaster - you are regretting the decision, now you decide what to do a this stage. There are always children that move schools during Yr7- if that's what you think is the right thing, then set the wheels in motion.

sunshine121 Mon 11-Nov-13 08:51:03

Shes happy there and has settled in well and all family advice is to leave alone my deep seeted anxiety is that i heard a third hand rumour about a teacher and i cant get it out of my head

witchywebsters Mon 11-Nov-13 09:10:07

That's the issue isn't it, not so much the thought itself as the not being able to get it out of your head?

Bear in mind that at some point this year, next year, you would have also heard something you didn't like about the other school. If you have a tendency to catastrophize and ruminate then you would then have done that about that, too.

I think anyone who doesn't have a clear front-runner when it comes to listing preferences for schools, but who has to choose between two nearly equally good candidates, is stuck afterwards with more risk of moments of worrying and regretting. It just goes with having had to make a choice - people who had an obvious best choice (or unhappily no choice) don't have that issue. Moments of doubt and worry don't actually in themselves confirm that someone's made a mistake, they're actually completely normal. The ideal school would be a combination of the best points of both and doesn't exist so it would be impossible to actually feel 100% relaxed about either of them.

titchy Mon 11-Nov-13 09:17:43

Suggest you take your own advice and stop being influenced by others, but make your own mind up based on actual evidence.

sunshine121 Mon 11-Nov-13 09:26:43

Another mom said that someone else hadnt chose that school cause theyd heard that the head had been messing about with some girls its made me ill and cant get rid of the thought i wish to god shed never told me

Pancakeflipper Mon 11-Nov-13 09:32:41

Schools are a mass of rumours and so many are incorrect and sent around by a few to be malicious.
If you are truly concerned contact your Chair of Governors.

You sound really anxious,are you ok? (Besides worrying about this).

Ecuador Mon 11-Nov-13 09:34:26

Well I would worry too but if the rumour was at best 3rd hand then how can it be substantiated? Yes possibly speaking to the Governors and trying to put your mind at rest would really help?

titchy Mon 11-Nov-13 09:55:38

Oh dear God if it was true do you really think he'd still be in post?

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