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Having 2 DD at diiferent secondary. Is this madness?

(54 Posts)
fortifiedwithtea Wed 09-Oct-13 02:03:56

DD1 is very bright and goes to the Humanities academy 5 minutes walk away. She is currently in Yr11

DD2 has learning difficulties and is school action plus but like her sister is good at sport provided its not a sport that needs hand/eye co-ordination. She wants to go to the sports academy a good 30 minutes walk away.

I can not drive due to epilepsy.

If the 2 schools were side by side I would let DD2 go to her first choice without any hesitation.

I would like to hear from people who have DC at different secondary. DD1 is quite put out about it. How quickly do they get over a sibling going to the rival school

Ericaequites Wed 09-Oct-13 03:09:08

My mother had my brother and sister in separate single sex schools, and a car. It drove her up the wall.
It's better to have both at one school if at all possible. I was eleven years behind my sister, and comparisons both positive and otherwise were made. That is inevitable. One set of uniform is much simpler. Besides, going to the same school will keep siblings in touch with each other. It also makes home-school communications and vacations easier.

MinesAPintOfTea Wed 09-Oct-13 04:11:23

The rivalry isn't relevant, they will just have to get over it.

Add for the travelling, presumably your dd1 will be in lower sixth next year, surely she will be mostly spring herself out? So the only problem is whether you can get dd2 to/from the further school, is there a bus service or a safe walking route? She should mostly make her own way there anyway.

prissyenglisharriviste Wed 09-Oct-13 04:41:16

Which has the best learning support department? Which will give dd2 the best chance to reach her potential?
Which external agencies does dd2 see? What do they think she needs from a secondary?
Dd1 being miffed is an also-ran. She'll get over it.

(I have kids in two secondaries. Different school holidays are a pita, but life goes on. My youngest has some additional needs. I would rather she be in the right setting for her than pay too much regard to whether a sibling was miffed about the placement.)

GrandPoohBah Wed 09-Oct-13 05:30:41

My sister and I were at different schools. It was fine, they were just different. We were expected to make our own ways to and from there.

Mainly I was just jealous because my DSis had longer holidays than me grin

friday16 Wed 09-Oct-13 06:24:39

Why is there a problem? Your elder daughter walks to one school, your younger daughter walks (or gets the bus) to the other. Why is this complex?

BeckAndCall Wed 09-Oct-13 06:38:47

I too can't understand the problem. Your eldest dD is about to be 16 - maybe she can sort herself out more often than not?

And if you're happy for DD 2 to walk 30 mins to school, then that's what she does?

Are you worried about what happens if it rains, or if you have 2 lots of parents evenings or concerts to go to?

Or, forgive me, does your condition mean that you feel the stress for you would make your symptoms worse? If that's the case then you definitely should do what makes you feel most comfortable - the most important thing must be to have you well and functioning as best you can.

However, your DD2 will still be there at least 3 years after DD 1 leaves, so maybe visualise what those yars will be like?

(I speak as one who had 3 children at 3 different schools - but not with any problems to contend with, admittedly)

friday16 Wed 09-Oct-13 06:48:03

DD1 is quite put out about it.

What? What? What does this have to do with anything?

nkf Wed 09-Oct-13 06:52:48

Is 30 minutes too big a walk? Can she use a bike? I'm a walker, so it wouldn't bother me. As to put out, well, she'll get over it. Is there some local competitiveness between the schools?

stillenacht Wed 09-Oct-13 06:54:16

My DSis and I went to different (rival) schools. Mine was closest to home and hers was a 45 minute school bus journey. Mine excelled at music (ta da!!) and hers was one of the best independent girls schools in the country (she had got 2/3 scholarship to get in there). It was fine for us and our parentssmile

Heymacarena Wed 09-Oct-13 07:02:50

I dont see the problem?

Your eldest is in the final year of school anyway now. Willpower she be attending 6th form in the same location?

How will Dd2 get to the school 30 mins walk away? Walk? Bus?

All I can think is that at high school age kids should be transporting themselves anyway.

I note that youngest dd has learning difficulty. Is there no transport provision for her?,from la.

stillenacht Wed 09-Oct-13 07:16:02

Now my DSs go to different schools, one at indie and the other state special schoolsmile

nowwearefour Wed 09-Oct-13 07:18:11

My db and I went to diff schools and although my dds are close in age I have never assumed they would do the same secondary school- surely must depend in what is right for each child? ESP if their needs are so different

basildonbond Wed 09-Oct-13 07:19:03

Sorry, can't see the problem either ... My 3 dc have been at 3 different schools for the last 4 years (with the younger two both at different primaries for some of that time) and my sisters and I all went to different secondaries - with no issues

If the school your dd2 wants to go to meets her needs best why would you not send her there - and what her big sister thinks about it is completely irrelevant

AtiaoftheJulii Wed 09-Oct-13 07:20:37

I've got 3 at 3 different schools. We're applying for secondary for #4 atm, and there was a period when her preference was for a fourth. Absolutely fine, imo. Different schools suit different children. Mine get themselves to school by bike (would be 25 and 30 minute walks) and by bus.

I've never really understood the problem that some people have with it? Feeling there's some sort of rivalry is really childish I think - I'm afraid I'd be telling your dd1 not to be ridiculous :-)

Is dd2 likely to get a place at her preferred school?

SmokedMackerel Wed 09-Oct-13 07:25:00

My mum had 4 DC at 4 different schools, in 4 different towns. We all got different buses/trains to school.

Why is dd put out? Does she want to go to the sport academy too?

Otherwise don't see any issue, presumably they are at different schools now, as one is still at primary. How is it different to that?

WorrySighWorrySigh Wed 09-Oct-13 07:26:35

Why the issue? Surely your older DD can change for 6th form if she wants to? My older DD goes to 6th form over the border in the next county. A completely different and much better school than is available to her younger siblings.

Takver Wed 09-Oct-13 08:25:56

A friend has 4 (spread out) dc, it looks like she won't ever end up with two at the same secondary - child 1 and 3 chose school A, child 2 school B, child 4 currently looking at school B.

Doesn't appear to be an issue - if anything I suspect it helps child 3 not to be compared with her super bright next-oldest sibling and to have her own strengths recognised.

tiggytape Wed 09-Oct-13 08:29:51

Plenty of people have children at different secondary schools. It is separate primary schools that is the pain.
I don't understand the problem here at all. Unless both of the children have additional needs that means they need accompanying, they can both walk to school alone everyday.

Your DD1 can get herself to school. Five minutes is nothing and she's lucky to have such an easy journey so I don't see why it is any skin off her nose which school her sister goes to.

Your DD2 can get herself to the sports academy - a 30 minute walk to school is pretty easy too. Plenty of children do that having first caught a bus or a train already.

downton117 Wed 09-Oct-13 09:01:46

i have just done this one in yr 7 one in year 11 the year 11 one not bothered in slightest but it does feel strange and soon we have important meetings at both schools on the same night so things like that can happen
i also feel that the older one may think their school not good enough looking back it would of been so much easier to have them at the same one but i think your situation is different and you must think of the child

kilmuir Wed 09-Oct-13 09:04:32

Really ? I have a year 10 and a year 7 at different schools. Each school suits their different abilities/ strengths.
Why would they be bothered

cory Wed 09-Oct-13 09:09:06

30 minutes is nothing for a teenager to walk! My ds does that everyday and he has a joint condition. If your dd's SN does not allow this, she would be eligible for transport seeing that you have a medical reason not to drive.

As for your Yr 11 dd who thinks she has a say in where her sister goes to school- has anyone pointed out to her that she is almost an adult? That she should be taking responsibility for herself, getting herself to school, organising her own life and not worrying about other people? That in a few years time she will be leaving home and living independently and that her sister won't have a say in that?

At the end of Yr 11, my dd took herself up to London (2 hour train journey with changes, followed by tube), to see a show which she herself had saved up and ordered the tickets for, she then bumped into a friend and went for a coffee before heading home in the evening. That is a normal level of independence for a 15/16yo. Needing mummy's help to get to school 5 minutes off is not.

RussiansOnTheSpree Wed 09-Oct-13 09:14:19

I have 3 kids currently in 3 different schools - one superselective, one comp and one primary. It is entirely possible that in the fullness of time I may have 3 kids in 3 different secondaries. There's no rivalry based on school. The issues are all around getting there and back and having to buy different uniform for them all. But then, one of them's a boy anyway so there would always have been some uniform differences (both the current secondary schools have differential uniforms for boys and girls).

misdee Wed 09-Oct-13 09:18:32

I wouldn't hesitate in sending them to different schools. and 30mins walk is about standard here for secondries.

I currently have dd1 in secondary, dd2 + 4 in one primary school, and dd3 in another primary school.

dd2 has just been looking at secondary schools and has opted for the same as dd1, which is surprising, but her choice. at least I know she wont get lost of the way there.

KittiesInsane Wed 09-Oct-13 09:35:10

OK, I've read your OP a bit more carefully.

I can see that you might have difficulty getting LA transport, as presumably they will argue that the closer school meets your DD's needs (even if not her preference).

So, how significant are her needs? Is she currently capable of walking to school without you or her sister for company? Can she cross roads safely, and deal with minor social problems?

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