child injured at school(26 Posts)
Not brave enough to put this in AIBU (hormones all over the place, can't take being flamed)
Just wondered if I'm going over the top or whether I'm being unreasonable.
DD aged 13 is at boarding school in the UK and I'm abroad. I received an email from her Friday night to say she had fractured her nose/cheekbone playing lacrosse. I was amazed that the school hadn't contacted me so thought/assumed that DD was exagerating as she does have previous for this.
I therefore emailed her housemistress yesterday and received a reply this morning to confirm that she'd made enquiries with health centre and yes DD was injured Thursday and was given ice and told to go back in a few days. Housemistress sent her back last night to health centre who comfirmed still tender and may need treatment if still the same later today. It appears from housemistresses email that she was unaware of injury until she received my mail.
Surely the school should have at least contacted me or am I being a bit OTT?
I don't know anything about boarding schools, but in a state school, the school would contact the parent at the first sign of serious injury needing medical assessment / treatment.
Could your DD have been exagerating - maybe they said it might be fractured? Was it x-rayed? Why can't they tell you what exactly happened after she received the injury?
thanks for your reply bigTilly, I'm sure you've better things to do on a Sunday morning
Still trying to get to the bottom of it but she definitely has black eyes and bad bruising but said she was not taken to hospital so obviously not x-rayed.
Feel so bloody helpless being so far away. Just shocked that regardless how serious it was, they didn't tell me
Have just emailed their health centre and asked them to let me know what is happening
I would insist she gets taken to have it x-rayed - if it's not fractured, great. if it is, then they will give proper advice on medical treatment.
TBH, I can't believe they didn't take her to hospital. It's duty of care, or are they of the stiff British upper lip variety?
quite often with noses, they wait for the swelling to go down to do proper x-rays (well they did with me, not sure this is practice).
Perhaps it wasn't as bad a bang as she is making out? Though I tend to think if it was a lacrosse ball, it would have been a bloody hard whack!
maybe thought it best not to contact me so I wasn't worried but surely they'd realise that DD would have texted/emailed to tell me
As if I wasn't feeling guilty enough about 'abandoning' her without all this.
She must be feeling a little better as she has emailed and asked if I'd buy her a horse! <searching for silly mare smiley> 'Its ONLY £1,500'
no, that can't be right. I can only think they thought it wasn't as bad as she did.
Tbh, if it was Friday, seems v quick for her eyes to have turned black by Saturday. If her eyes are swollen however, she probably should go and have an xray just to check.
In your shoes, I'd call their health centre and have a word with the nurse/doctor on Monday morning just to find out what they are planning to do next.
Dh broke his nose at boarding school playing football and he also didn't have it xrayed!
thanks foxinsocks. Apparently the injury was Thursday pm and she emailed me Friday night to say she had black eyes.
Am trying to fight the urge to try to get a flight back but I know I won't anyway as all the travel agents are closed.
Will take deep breaths and assume all ok and try calling her later
yes it's hard . When are you due to visit next?
I would be very annoyed the school hadn't told you tbh and I'd be asking them why they didn't think it was necessary to tell you. Am also v surprised the housemistress didn't know! Surely if a child in your house had black eyes, you'd notice it (esp at that age where I assume she is still in a dorm?).
Thanks foxinsox. I'm not back to the UK until December but DD (and DS at a different school) are coming out in October for 2 weeks.
I've just received an email from the health centre saying that they only tell parents if its a serious injury They also said that they will look at it again later and if there is still swelling (there was last night) they will take her to hospital for an x-ray.
Like you, I'm amazed the housemistress didn't notice the black eyes but am wondering if they put it down to the smudged mascara look that a lot of 13 year olds have Even so, a little bit crap and a teeny weeny bit of lack of duty of care? Yes, she is in a dorm with 3 other girls and there are about 40 in the whole boarding house
In the masses of paperwork you have from the school, is there something that tells you how it works if your child is injured?
I have a daughter in Y8 who seems to spend a lot of time in the medical centre at her school (boarding school but she is a day pupil). The only time I'm ever contacted by them is if I am required to take her to A&E, otherwise she just tells me herself.
I know it's difficult though - I work on the same campus as DD is at school and I feel sick when I see the med centre number come up on my phone, even though there's a good chance it will be work-related not DD-related. It must be so much worse when you are so far away.
can you ask her to take a photo of her face (without smudgy make-up) and ask her to text it to you? this might or might not put your mind at rest!
it must be hard to be so far away but i guess they are probably mega careful about head injuries/being knocked out and have a wait and see for other injuries. i guess the problem is that as you are not there you cannot be sure that you would have done anything different!
are you in contact with any other parents at the school? may be they might have a relevant view of how injuries are dealt with?
was the housemistress actually on duty or was it someone else and it's got missed in the handover?
TBH there isn't a lot they can do for a fractured nose/cheekbone. The email was probably for a bit of sympathy and a little bit exaggerated?
Thanks for all your comments.
It seems maybe I was overreacting a bit but perhaps that is down to being so far away and feeling helpless?
Housemistress was on duty but it seems there must have been a bit of a breakdown in communication. Have had another update saying they are checking her daily and will see how it goes although they admit they should have seen her again on Friday and saturday and didn't until I contacted the medical centre.
I think I'm just used to the old school that used to phone you if a child so much as sneezed!
Cargirl, I think you are right about her going the sympathy vote. Maybe she thought I'd buy her the damm horse Bloody teenagers
I don't think you are overreacting. They should have told you. The school has not covered itself in glory over this. How you proceed is up to you.
just finally received an email from her dad (we are divorced) as I'd asked if he'd been informed by the school. He had received the same text/mail from DD that I had and had assumed the school had informed me. He is not happy either
thing is you just never know, your dd could have said it's okay doesn't really hurt and played it down to the staff!!! Then played it up to you and now the staff have realised that it isn't as mild as they first thought.
My experience so far is that there is always truth in what your teen says, the skill is in working out what percentage!
I work as a care assistant in a boarding school. Email the housemistress and health centre and ask for them to arrange an xray just to check. It will put your mind at rest.
dinasaw what does your job involve? I also work in a boarding school but we don't have care assts. Is your job in a medical centre or a boarding house?
I used to work as a housemistress and in some schools it's quite common for the med staff to pass the buck to the house staff and vice versa (the DC's are not in Hertfordshire or Nth Yorks are they??)
A good housemistress should contact you irregardless of whether the medical staff have or have not.
MOS - how are things now? i can drive ds to see dd if it would help you? no prob at all.just say the wors, am not far and i mean it.
Hi MABS, only just seen this as it had dropped off my 'threads I'm on'.
DD is ok now although I'm still pretty pissed with the school for not having the courtesy of letting me know. Thank you so much for your lovely kind offer but no need. However, I'm tempted to ask you to go and kick some arse at the school as she has had lots of stuff pinched over the past few weeks and the school refuse to do anything about it. A few weeks ago it was just make up and tuck but now its her ipod which was pinched from under her pillow
Thankfully all is ok at DS's school and he has settled in well. I keep meaning to ask if he has met your DD yet. Hope all ok with you x
so glad things are more settled, am happy to kick arse if you need it! am out to dxb thurs til mon, not there are you by chance? DD looked lague when i mentioned your ds, but as she always looks like that it dosen't mean much
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