Advice please - is it a good idea for a child to go to the same school his Mum teaches at?

[mrmagoo21]

I'm looking for advice...my stepson (12) is unhappy after his first year at secondary school. He's attending a Catholic school with friends from primary but just hasn't settled. He talks of being bullied but we can't get to the bottom of this, the school have tried to help. We only see him every other weekend and sometimes it's not enough time to really discuss what the problems are. His mother is a teacher and wants him to move to the school where she teaches. We can think of many reasons why this seems a bad idea - the school is a long way from his home, it's also in a bad catchment area even though it is a school trying to improve. What if she leaves her job etc etc. Does anyone know how schools view this? Are there any positive reasons why it might work? So far we can only see negative one's but I do appreciate it's a Mum's natural instinct to want to protect her child. Thanks.

[flatcapandpearls]

I teach in a school where lots of the staff send their children, perhaps because it happens so often no one thinks anything of it and the students dont seem to mind. I would quite like my dd to attend the school. But I want her to go there because it is a very good school rather than because I teach there so it would not matter if I moved on.

[webwiz]

Its not really a problem at secondary level - DH went to the school his mum taught at and he was never actually in her class. My friend's DD is about to start at a secondary that her husband teachers at and there are teachers children at my DCs school. If the teacher leaves it isn't a problem because the kids are settled by then.

[mrmagoo21]

Thanks for that, an important point in fact!

[TheOldVicarage]

If he doesn't mind, then it shouldn't be a problem! Do whatever you feel best with - I was at secondary with my mum, and I loved having her there, because I could talk to her about it. My sister didn't like it so much (she's quite shy), and so Mum and her had an 'I promise to ignore you in the corridor' policy, and that worked fine as well.

[badgerhead]

I went to the 6th form in a school where my brother was teaching. I found it useful for lifts after school if there was no late bus that night, lol!

[kathyis6incheshigh]

Depends if the mother is a good and popular teacher - I went to the school my mum taught and on balance I think I benefited from it. However there was one girl in the same position there whose mum was not liked and I think she copped a little bit of bullying because of it.

[scienceteacher]

My daughters are at the same school as me. It is fairly normal in independent schools, especially if there is fee remission for teachers' children. I have also, in the past, taught at my son's school.

I enjoy working at the same school as my children. The plusses outweigh the minuses.

I am very careful not to talk to DH about school things that DD shouldn't hear about, and she never gossips about other pupils to me. I show absolutely no favouritism towards her, and she doesn't seek favours from me. I think it is important to have a very professional school relationships - from both sides.

I think that if you are in large school, your relationship could be kept fairly secret.

[mrmagoo21]

Some interesting points made, thanks. My husband is worried that his ex may not be a 'popular' teacher. She's already had a lot of problems at the school. This could impact on DS.

The other issue is his Mum does talk to him about everything and I mean everything. For instance he's been aware of his Mum hating her job recently.

The whole situation is bizarre. He's at a lovely school who want to help. However they can't help if DS doesn't tell them when he has problems.

As I type this I'm realising there are so many other issues that need sorting!!!!

[GrimmaTheNome]

I had mum at primary and dad at secondary - not a problem.

But it does sound like in your stepson's case its more complex - if his mum hates her job it doesn't say much for her school, does it?

[TheOldVicarage]

Yes, after your last post, maybe it isn't such a good idea - I agree with Grimma, if mum hates the school, then maybe it isn't such a good place for him. Also, how would your partner feel about having to potentially see her at all the events?
Maybe you should see how Y8 goes - it's often a lot different to Y7.

[LouLovesAeroplaneJelly]

I guess it depends on the parent. I remember back in the day Mrs Riley (I still hate you and your daughter) had her daughter in the same class and she was the teachers pet and class bully in one.
But if the mother can seperate her mothering from teaching I cannot see why there would be a problem.
However, given the issues with her I would just wait and see how year 8 goes. New kids, new teachers he may just like it.

[mrmagoo21]

We've tried a long chat this evening with DS. From what I can get from him it's sounds like his main reason for wanting to move is that the other kids won't be able to be nasty to him because his Mum's a teacher!!!!!! I'm worried that, that might be precisely the reason he might get picked on!

He's also been told that he'll be put straight into the top set as the school is in a hard catchment area and isn't a high achieving school, although the staff are dedicated.

Both these things will help his self confidence which seems to have taken a knock this year.

Anyway he's decided to think about it and I do agree trying year 8 would be the best option as it's very different than year 7. Problem now is to try and reason with ex who seems to be steam rollering this along - probably as it's nearly end of term!!

[campion]

I don't think being in a ( from what you say) err...challenging school will help his self confidence at all if he's found it hard to settle at his present one.

Joining in Year 8 can be tricky at most schools as friendships etc. have been established. I think I'd try to get to the bottom of his present difficulties before moving him as they might just reappear in a magnified form next year at the new place.

And having his Mum on the staff may work against him in a difficult school.

[mrmagoo21]

To up-date you all! We're going to visit the potential new school today with DS. His school report arrived today (strangely) and it's so positive, it makes me really sad that he may move!

Agree with campion about established friendships. We also DO need to try and get to the bottom of present problems.

I spoke to him twice this weekend at length and his main motivation for wanting to move is how 'important' he'll feel because his Mum is a teacher

[katiestar]

I had a friend whose dad was a very strict deputy head and I think she had a pretty tough time sometimes.
Also i wouldn't want it if I was the mother.If you have to take a stand/make a complaint with the school about something to do with your child,then it is difficult if they are also your employer

[eatyourveg]

My Mum taught in my secondary school albeit in a subject I didn't take. (Business studies) I hated that she was there and when I got into trouble staff would threaten to have a word with her in the staffroom. I also didn't like it when I got pushed around in the dinner queue by pupils who she'd given detention to and especially didn't like it when she covered my class when the geography teacher was away. Unless lots of other staff do it \nd its the norm, I would avoid it.

[mrmagoo21]

To update you all. Ex wife and Mother of DS has given notice at school and will be placing him at the school she teaches at. In the end my husband didn't get much say!!! We tried to raise all the points discussed here but to no avail. Fingers crossed it will work out. Thanks for all your replies.

[LidlLover2]

Well, she is the mother - and main carer (?), so she probably has a good idea of what is right for her son. I'm sure she has thought it a all through.